Episode 10: You Obviously Don't Feel the Same
Gabby
"There you are," Jenna-Lee says, her face lighting up when she sees Aaron.
Reluctantly, I take the seat at the table opposite August. "Gabby," he smiles warmly. "How was your morning?"
I force a smile and keep my thoughts to myself: An absolute disaster. My best friend figured out I love him. Instead, I say, "We went jogging and explored some of the island. This place is amazing."
"It really is," August agrees.
Jenna-Lee quirks an eyebrow at Aaron. "You jog now?"
I pick up my roll and cut it open. "When I manage to drag him with me."
Jenna-Lee's smirk appears briefly, and I immediately regret mentioning anything. "Aaron never had any energy left in the mornings after I was finished with him."
What kind of woman talks about her sex life with another guy, right in front of her current boyfriend? I'm sure Jenna-Lee intends for the comment to be both a boast about her own libido and a dig at mine. August doesn't seem impressed, and my disgust with the situation continues to grow. How can Aaron possibly think we can maintain the same level of friendship when he starts dating Jenna-Lee again? It's an absurd idea.
And why didn't Aaron say anything after discovering my deepest, darkest secret? How could he just stay silent? It's insulting. Even if he doesn't feel the same way, he should have said something. For whatever reason, he's keeping his mouth shut. Maybe he's worried that his rejection will make me leave, that I won't help him win Jenna-Lee back. He probably feels trapped between guilt over my feelings for him and his love for another woman.
Aaron shakes his head. "Jenna-Lee."
She feigns innocence. "What did I do?"
"You're acting like a bitch," Aaron says.
Buttering my roll, I say, "Dogs like to mark their territory."
Jenna-Lee glares at me, her face growing flushed. On the other hand, August looks more than a little amused.
"You don't hold back, do you?" he asks me.
I give a one-shoulder shrug. "What's the point? Life is too short."
August raises his glass in my direction. "I'll drink to that."
Aaron's expression turns thunderous as he glances between August and me. This stupid game they play.
"If I remember correctly, you like bunnies, right?" August asks.
"Yes." We had discussed rabbits the first time we met. I'm surprised August remembers.
"Did I ever tell you my sister breeds them?"
"Let's face it," Jenna-Lee interrupts, sounding bored. "It's not hard to breed rabbits."
August takes out his wallet, pulls a photo from it and hands it to me. "She's ten years old. She made me buy one."
When I look at the photo in my hands, I see it’s a picture of a girl holding a giant white rabbit. The rabbit is nibbling her shirt, and she's smiling down at it. I feel a small smile of my own forming.
"You carry a picture of your rabbit?" Aaron asks incredulously.
"That's Nibbler." August points to the rabbit in the photo, ignoring Aaron. "And that's my sister, Rachel. She's looking after him while I'm here."
I pass the photo back to him. "Very cute. Your sister and the rabbit."
"I thought you might appreciate that."
"You and Rachel are close?"
"She has me wrapped around her pinkie, and she knows it."
Aaron and Jenna-Lee are watching our interaction with matching expressions of annoyance. Aaron probably believes that August is trying to charm me to score points in their game and make Jenna-Lee jealous. Right now, I can't bring myself to care.
Cain claps his hands together loudly. "If I can have your attention. Today, we're going to be hiking on our neighboring island, Devil's Peak. The hike will take around three hours. Following that, we'll have a cookout on the beach. Please finish your lunch, then make sure you are dressed appropriately. The boat will be ready to take you across at one-thirty. Don't be late."
I put down my roll, the food suddenly tasting like cardboard in my mouth as I realize I will have to spend the next few hours with August, Jenna-Lee, and Aaron. Does Aaron want to keep up our pretend relationship now that he knows the truth, or will he try to abandon the plan of making Jenna-Lee jealous in order to spare my feelings? I'm not sure which is worse. The last thing I want is Aaron watching me all the time, trying to figure out if I'm getting over him.
"Aaron." All of us turn around when Edward walks up behind us. "I still have a question I need to ask you. Come and see me after lunch."
"I did not sign up for the great outdoors," Jenna-Lee complains as Edward walks away.
August rubs a hand over his eyes. "It's just one afternoon, Jenna-Lee."
"One afternoon of bugs and people sweating."
"Only if they're unfit," I throw at her, earning myself another glare.
Jenna-Lee then directs her glare at August. "You said it was like coming to a resort."
I roll my eyes and push my chair back. "I'm going to start getting ready. Please excuse me."
"But you barely ate anything," August points out. "We don't want you fainting on our big walk."
"I had a big breakfast. I'm actually not that hungry."
"Well, I know first aid. So you're safe if you stick with me."
I nearly fall out of my chair as August winks at me. Is he being playful? Glancing at Aaron's murderous expression, I quickly bite back a laugh. August has been sending me clearly admiring looks, but it's obvious he's still just trying to mess with Aaron.
Jenna-Lee scoffs. "Could you be any more obvious, August?"
I stand up. "Enjoy the rest of your lunch."
"I'll come up with you," Aaron declares, standing up as well. His eyes carry that familiar glint of protectiveness, a look I've witnessed countless times but never directed at me with such intensity.
Part of me wants to tell him not to accompany me, but deep down, I know it would achieve nothing. Avoiding him for the rest of the week is impossible, and dancing around the discovery he’s made is only going to make me all the more anxious. We're going to have to talk about it. This is a conversation I've been putting off for years. I just wish we weren't here on Heaven's Isle. I'd rather be at home, where I could run to Bernadette and Carly afterward and eat myself into a coma with ice cream.
Once we reach our room, Aaron hesitates near the door. "You know," he begins cautiously, his words carrying the weight of careful deliberation, "our plan has already worked. I was thinking we could simply hang out for the rest of the week. It's been ages since we've spent time together like this."
So that’s his approach, huh? He’s going to try and spare me from pain and embarrassment? It's too late for that.
Despite my best efforts, I can't hide the bitterness that seeps into my words. "The only reason I'm here is because you wanted Jenna-Lee to see the error of her ways."
His eyes soften as my words reach him, and he takes a hesitant step closer to me. "Gab, I love spending time with you. You know that. I always have."
A lump forms in my throat, and I quickly turn my attention to my backpack to hide the hurt I feel.
"Maybe.” I pack with more force than necessary, my hands shaking as they toss in sunscreen, a hat, sunglasses, a camera. Each item lands with a thud, a stark reminder of the reality I'm trying to escape. “But you didn't invite me here solely because you enjoy my company. I'm here because you want Jenna-Lee back, and you're close to achieving that. So there's no point in giving up now. I can handle keeping August occupied."
His expression instantly shifts into a disapproving scowl, and I narrow my eyes at him. "Don't say it, Aaron. I can spend time with August without getting caught up in this foolish game."
"I know. I just..." He runs a hand through his hair and moves closer, crossing the room with slow, heavy steps.
“I can't help but be concerned for you,” he says softly. “After hearing that you're getting over some jerk..."
His concern is genuine, yet his apparent obliviousness to his own role in my emotional turmoil forces me to snap. "I know you know, Aaron." I face him, crossing my arms defensively.
"Know what?"
"I know you know,” I reiterate. “I know you know the identity of my mystery man, so stop pretending."
Genuine surprise registers on his face as the realization dawns on him that I am aware of his knowledge. If only it brought satisfaction, but the undertone of pain and guilt etched in his eyes taints the moment.
"Don't act so surprised. I can read you like a book. Are you really not going to address it?"
Our eyes lock, and he leans against the wall closest to me, assuming a defensive stance. The intensity of his gaze compels me to look away, my eyes scanning the room in a feeble attempt to escape. But there is no escape, not from this conversation, not from the pain, not from Aaron.
"I thought you wanted to keep it a secret,” he says softly. “I followed your lead and assumed you wanted to ignore it."
I push him further, unwilling to let the matter rest.
"I did. I mean... You obviously don't feel the same way about me."
He averts his gaze, and in that moment, I know. My worst fears have materialized. My heart shatters into a million jagged pieces, piercing through my soul. The pain is unbearable, tearing me apart. Not just because my best friend doesn't love me and will never love me the way I love him, but also because after this, everything will change irreversibly. I already knew we were forever changed, but knowing it and experiencing the fallout are two different things.
"We've been friends for so long, Gab. I've tried my best not to see you in that way."
His words cut through me. The room spins around me, and my heart pounds painfully in my chest. I'm on the verge of falling apart, but I force myself to remain composed, to maintain the facade of control.
"So you're saying it's my fault that I fell in love with you?"
"You know that's not what I'm saying."
"Fine, but that's what you imply. It's crazy, considering you're in love with Jenna-Lee."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I don't see you making an effort not to see her in that way. You're in love with her, despite the fact that she's a complete and utter bitch and she left you for August."
His expression shifts from soft and understanding to an irritated frown. "Go ahead, Gabby. Say what's on your mind."
"I just did."
I witness him struggling to regain control of his emotions. "Look, I don't want to argue with you," he says. "Not here. I don't want either of us to say something we'll regret."
Desperation seeps into his eyes, pleading for normalcy. But normalcy vanished the moment he realized my feelings for him aren’t platonic and he chose to ignore the fact.
"God forbid my love for you should threaten our friendship," I remark, my voice revealing the wellspring of hurt bubbling beneath the surface.
He frowns, looking genuinely confused. "I thought the whole reason you've kept it a secret is that our friendship means as much to you as it does to me."
"It does." Aaron's insistence on maintaining our friendship in light of my revelation stings. He steps closer, his hands gently enveloping mine. Our fingers intertwine, a gesture so familiar yet now laced with unfamiliarity under the circumstances. He gazes down at me, a mixture of sympathy and pity filling his eyes, emotions I can hardly bear.
"We'll get through this," he says. "Whatever you need from me, however I can help, just tell me."
I withdraw my hands from his, the contact becoming too much to handle. My love for him isn't something that can simply be "gotten through." I can't bear any more of his pity at this moment. I feel pathetic. I need to regain control of the situation and establish a sense of equilibrium. I have to demonstrate that I'm moving on, even if it means pretending that this doesn't hurt as much as it truly does.
Swiftly, I construct a facade of nonchalance. "You don't have to worry about it. I'm pretty much over you now," I say, steadying my voice despite the emotional storm within.
Aaron appears taken aback, and there's a momentary silence as he absorbs my declaration. "You are?"
"Yes. Turns out you were right. Coming here has been genuinely helpful."
Aaron's surprise is evident, but I detect a flicker of relief in his eyes. It's a blow to the gut, reminding me of the stark contrast between his feelings for me and mine for him.
"How...? I thought it would have made things worse."
I put on a brave face because I need him to believe that I'm moving on, that his pursuit of Jenna-Lee is aiding me in letting go. "So did I, but witnessing you pine after Jenna-Lee has been a major turn-off. It's precisely what I needed—a reality check."
He tilts his head, studying me. "How long have you felt this way?"
"It doesn't matter. What matters is that being here has provided me with what I needed to fall out of love with you. So just continue pursuing Jenna-Lee. It's actually helping me."
He's taken aback by my sudden shift, but with a nod, he takes a step back.
“Didn’t Edward want to talk to you about something?” I ask him when he doesn’t say anything more.
"Yes, but-”
“I’m okay here if you want to see what he wants now. I can meet you at the boat."
He frowns, clearly reluctant to leave my side.
"Trust me, I'm fine," I insist.
A trace of doubt flickers across his face, yet he turns and leaves with one last quick glance in my direction.
As I watch the door close behind him, I swipe at the lone tear streaming down my face.
It's done. I survived the conversation, and it was every bit as terrible as I imagined it would be. At least I can't possibly feel any worse than I do right now. From this point on, things can only improve. I will start to heal, and the words I spoke will eventually become true. I will move on. Witnessing him chase after Jenna-Lee is a painful reminder of how much it hurts to love him and how necessary it is for me to let go. Each twist of my heart serves as a motivation to heal and forge ahead.
Aaron
There’s no way I can pursue Jenna-Lee now. Yes, I’m relieved Gabby seems to be getting over me, but chasing Jenna-Lee while we’re here would be like flaunting it in my best friend’s face that I want someone else. I could never be that cruel. Not intentionally.
God, I have already made such a mess of our friendship by bringing her here. To see her hurting because of me is an agonizing feeling. We have had arguments before, and even some major fights, but this feels different. It feels like our friendship is hanging by a thread, and with one more wrong move, I risk losing her forever.
"I mean…you obviously don't feel the same way about me."
My heart has been twisting in my chest ever since she asked me that indirect question. Yes, I have had fantasies that are far from platonic over the past two days, but I decided to deal with them the same way I dealt with them years ago – fight them and pretend they don’t exist. I don't want to alter our current relationship. It might seem selfish, but I truly believe that both of us will be happier in the long run if we remain friends.
"Aaron."
I’m so lost in my own thoughts, I don’t see August until he’s right in front of me.
"Have you seen Edward?" August asks.
"I’m looking for him myself."
August nods. "Gabby back at the room?"
"Yeah, she is, and you can cut the cute comments remarks with her. Whatever this is we're doing here with Jenna-Lee, we leave Gabby out of it. Am I making myself clear?"
"As it turns out, I'm not doing anything with Jenna-Lee. We broke up."
"That's too bad," I say, feeling slightly smug about the fact that I've won this round.
"Yeah, I can see you're really torn up about it, but you're an idiot. Jenna-Lee wants both of us. She wanted me when she was with you, and she wanted you when she was with me."
I shrug. "So she's a little confused."
"Well, I'm sure you can help her make up her mind. Let's just say my interest no longer lies with Jenna-Lee."
My blood runs cold. "What did I just say? Stay away from Gabby."
"You know, Aaron, the only reason I never went after Gabby before was because she was in love with you."
Am I the only person who hadn't been able to see it?
"Then that's hardly going to work out for you now, is it?" I ask, my voice laced with frustration.
August leans in and whispers, his words cutting through me, "I get the feeling things are about to change."
"You don't know anything," I retort, trying to dismiss his words and regain control of the situation.
"I know you want Jenna-Lee back. You're going to get back with Jenna-Lee, and you're going to break Gabby's heart in the process. Guess who'll be there to pick up the pieces?"
"She knows everything about our game, August. She'll never go for you." I hope my words are enough to dissuade him, to protect Gabby from further heartbreak. But deep down, I'm not entirely confident in anything at this moment.
I brought Gabby here when she was in love with me and made her watch me chase another woman. Now my biggest rival is moving in, and August is right—Gabby will be more vulnerable now. If she ends up even more hurt than she is already because of August and this game, I'll never forgive myself.
"You warned me off her once. I'm not going to listen again. Gabby seems pretty cool, and I'm going to ask her out."
"You're going to ask my girlfriend out? You're the idiot, August."
"Come on, Aaron. We both know you're not really with Gabby. You told me a long time ago you don't see her that way. But I do see her that way."
"That's too bad for you."
"No, Aaron. That's too bad for you. You brought her here to use her in our 'game,' as you called it. What kind of person does that?"
I can barely choke back the guilt that rises in my throat as August stands there, his words hitting me hard. What kind of person am I to do this to Gabby? She's the most selfless, kind-hearted human being I know, and I used her trusting nature against her by bringing her here. I failed to notice the way she looked at me, and it's my own fault for not paying enough attention. I've been a careless friend and a terrible person, but that doesn't mean I don't love her or care about her. August doesn't understand the bond we share.
"You know nothing about what she means to me," I retort, my voice filled with a mix of defensiveness and pain.
As if August can see he's struck a nerve, he continues, "You don't deserve her, Aaron. She's too good for you. I don't even know why she's friends with you."
August's words rip the lid off the insecurities I try my best to hide. The lingering doubts about my self-worth resurface, fuelled by the memories of my past. The abandonment by my mother, the unanswered questions—why did she leave? Why didn't she take me with her? What kind of mother leaves their only child? Deep down, I believe there must be something inherently wrong with me, something that makes me unworthy of love. It's a belief I've carried for far too long, and August's words only amplify it.
I feel the urge to retreat, to walk away from everyone before they can walk away from me and hurt me. It's a defence mechanism I've developed over the years—to distance myself from others before they can realize I'm not worthy of their love. Maybe that's why I let myself love Jenna-Lee. Her self-absorption and shallow nature provide a shield, preventing her from truly getting to know me. I convince myself that she can't reject the real me because she's incapable of seeing beyond herself.
Gabby is the only person who has managed to break through my defences and become significant in my life. She refused to let me push her away and forced her way into my heart. Our friendship is precious to me, a lifeline that keeps me anchored. I can't imagine a world without her by my side. But now, the fear of losing her is creeping in as August plants doubts in my mind. I can't bear the thought of him getting closer to Gabby. He must stay away from her.
"I'll make her my girlfriend for real," I blurt out, a knee-jerk response driven by desperation.
August smirks, his words laced with sarcasm, "That's going to look great, Aaron. If she knows about this game like you say, she's going to believe the only reason you're interested in her is because I am. You missed your chance. I get Gabby, and you get Jenna-Lee, the consolation prize. Good luck with her, by the way. She's a high-maintenance one."
The anger within me starts to boil, ready to burst forth, but my attention is quickly diverted as Edward approaches us.
"Go near her, and I'll break every bone in your body," I growl, my voice dripping with a mix of protectiveness and fury.
August simply grins and saunters away, offering a casual wave. There's nothing I can do in this moment, as Edward is now standing beside me. His hand on my shoulder provides a momentary grounding force.
"Aaron, there you are. We really do need to talk. Step into my office for a moment, would you?" Edward's voice carries a sense of urgency, and I can't ignore his request.