I Love You, My Neighbour: Chapter 15
More than a friend (but playing it cool)
Kristy
Cricket is having the time of his life in the back of Logan's Ute, while I feel like I'm in a personal hell. I desperately need some fresh air.
"This window is jammed," I inform Logan, struggling with the switch on the passenger side armrest.
I don't know why I agreed to let Logan drive Cricket and me to dog obedience lessons. True, my car doesn't exactly have the leg space Logan would like, but it also lacks something else I could have done without right now—the scent of his deodorant mingled with his underlying masculine scent. The combination is potent and heady, and my hormones are screaming at me to take advantage of the enclosed space we're in. Even when I try to hold my breath, to stop myself from inhaling his enticing scent, I can't keep my eyes off the way his thighs flex every time he changes gear. I never thought I'd find the simple act of driving sexy, but Logan is quickly proving me wrong.
"Opening that window takes some finesse," Logan replies.
Out of nowhere, he reaches across me to tinker with the automatic window button, his elbow brushing against my thigh and causing a jolt of electricity to course through me. Adrenaline surges, igniting a fiery heat deep within my core, as my body eagerly anticipates a continuation of last night's dream. It seems unaware that it wasn't the real thing, or perhaps it does and that's precisely why it's yearning for a chance to get down and dirty with Logan for real.
I don’t masturbate often. Outside of relationships, I could count the number of orgasms I’ve given myself on one hand. But the need I felt for relief last night had been so urgent, I’d had to touch myself. I’d closed my eyes and pretended Logan was kissing me, touching me, loving me.
And when I gave into the climax that had been building, I yelled his name so loudly that I’m grateful he hadn’t been staying overnight next door. Undoubtedly, he would have heard me if he had.
Logan gives me a quizzical look, reminding me to keep my composure.
"Sorry," I mutter. "I've had too much caffeine at work. I've been on edge all day."
It's a lie, but sometimes it's safer to fabricate a story than to reveal the truth. Even though there's no way he could know about my late-night escapades, the memory of it makes my cheeks burn. If the song "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls were to come on the radio, I might as well confess every dirty thought I had about him last night.
"The downside of working at a café with the best coffee in town," he says as he rolls down the window halfway.
I release the breath I've been holding and try to relax. "Not sure it's the best coffee in town."
"But the best cakes, no doubt," he replies.
Turning to look at him, I feel his eyes on me. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
He smiles, and I can't help but return the smile, cherishing these moments of easy camaraderie. Though he doesn't laugh often, his smiles have become more frequent, and each one feels like a small victory.
My feelings for him are growing with each passing day, and worryingly, our blossoming friendship is transforming my attraction into something deeper than mere physical desire. I should run away as fast as my legs can carry me, knowing how desiring a man like him will end for me. But I can't seem to put an end to this developing connection. Despite the torment of being around someone who will never see me the way I see him, spending time with Logan and his friends brings me joy. I realize I've been lacking that in my life lately.
"Why the extra coffee?" Logan asks. "Did you have trouble sleeping?"
"No," I reply, my cheeks flushing as I recall the ache of longing for him last night. "Not really."
"You know, I haven't been using the power tools much this week. You could probably go back to taking afternoon naps."
"Thanks, but I've gotten used to not napping."
Besides, I enjoy walking Cricket at the time we've been going lately. It means I get to see Logan every night and hear his stories about the kids he teaches. Sometimes, even if it's still daylight, he insists on joining me.
"That's the park over there," I point to the car park adjacent to the large oval where dog obedience training takes place.
I'm eager to leave the confined space of the car and stop discussing my restless sleep from last night.
Logan parks the Ute and steps out, closing the car door with a thud. "Ready for this, Cricket?"
"Woof," Cricket barks, jumping down from the backseat as soon as Logan releases his seatbelt and licking Logan's hand.
I smile as I observe their interaction.
There's a chance Cricket will ignore me and my commands with Logan around, but it's nice to have the moral support. Logan's presence might also help calm Cricket down a bit.
Cricket has become my little baby, although I know I shouldn't let him sense that since dogs crave to be part of a pack, not babied. At least that's what the dog training tips I devoured when I got Cricket advised. But I've grown to love him, and even on the days when he frustrates me, I can't imagine my life without him.
And witnessing Cricket and Logan together these days only strengthens that feeling within me. No longer do Logan's interactions with Cricket bother me or make me jealous of their bond. Instead, I find solace in knowing that my dog can bring him a little comfort after everything he's been through.
"Hey," Logan leans in through the open window of the driver's seat. "Are you coming out?"
With the fading sunlight casting a golden halo around him, he looks like a Greek god descending from heaven. I tear my gaze away from him, afraid of succumbing to an unforgivable impulse, like leaning over the gear stick and pressing my lips against his.
If I were to kiss Logan, it would horrify him. He wouldn't reciprocate the kiss. More likely, he would tell me to go home and potentially even end our friendship. The mere thought of it pains my chest.
Amusement curves his lips upward. "You're daydreaming today."
"Sorry."
"No need to apologize. I just don't want you falling asleep in there and leaving me alone to deal with this horny mutt."
I chuckle at his choice of words: horny mutt.
I contacted Jess' aunt during the week, and she confirmed that Cricket has been neutered. When I mentioned this to Logan, he reassured me that it's a positive aspect because it means Cricket's behaviour of trying to assert dominance over other dogs is something that I can train out of him.
"Is that where we're headed?" Logan points across the field to a group of people standing with their dogs.
I nod, leaving Logan to hold Cricket's leash. Logan is much stronger than I am, so Cricket won't be able to pull him across the oval like he did with me last week.
"Hi. It’s Kristy, right?"
Camille, a woman who introduced herself to the group last week, acknowledges me as soon as Logan and I arrive at the designated dog training area.
"Yes, hi."
Last week, Camille glared at both Cricket and me after Cricket attempted to hump her sausage dog, Sugar. I don't need to ask why she's being friendlier toward me today. The beautiful brunette has her eyes fixed on Logan like he's an irresistible treat she wants to devour.
"And you are?" She directs her sultry smile toward Logan.
Logan extends his hand and shakes Camille's. "Logan Jacobs."
"You must be the boyfriend," she assumes, pointing at Logan holding the leash.
"Friend," I correct her.
"I see." Camille's smile widens, oozing seduction.
Noticing the sudden spark of interest in Camille's eyes, Logan throws his arm around my shoulders and draws closer to my side.
I tense up instantly, caught off guard by the contact. My heart pounds in my chest, my side tingles at every point of connection, and desire stirs low in my belly, causing my nipples to harden.
"I'm much more than just a friend to her," Logan tells Camille. "She just likes to play it cool."
His eyes silently implore me to go along with his act, revealing his fear of being left vulnerable. I gulp, unsettled by the accuracy of his unintentional words.
"I do enjoy playing it cool," I respond, acutely aware of the proximity of his lips to mine.
Once again, the urge to kiss him surges within me. However, succumbing to that impulse would lead to a heap of trouble, including another sleepless night replaying the moment over and over in my mind. So, instead of kissing him, I place my hand on his chest, trying to play the role he desires. But perhaps even that instinct should have been restrained, as I am ill-prepared for the storm that sweeps through his eyes when I touch him. The muscles beneath my hand twitch and tense, while an unfamiliar emotion flickers in his grey gaze.
"Well," Camille says, her voice colder than before Logan wrapped his arm around me. "I hope you have better luck than her in keeping that dog away from Sugar, Logan."
With that, Camille walks away.
Logan abruptly releases me from his side. "Thanks for going along. It's been a while, and I forgot how... predatory some women can be."
I force a laugh, feigning amusement. "It's fine. Although you didn’t have to lay it on so thick with the 'I'm much more to her than just a friend' line," I mock.
His laughter sounds as forced as mine did a moment ago. "But I am more than just a friend to you."
Our eyes lock, and my heart thumps wildly in my chest. His lips curl into a smile as he adds, "I'm also your neighbour."
I smile, secretly wishing I could throw something at him for making me feel so exposed. "Yes, you certainly are."
Logan playfully nudges my shoulder. "Is that our instructor?"
"Yes, that's Neil."
Neil signals for us to approach.
"Cool." Logan tugs on Cricket's leash. "Come on, Cricket."
The obedience class unfolds differently this time. Although Cricket still attempts to escape and mount other dogs, his enthusiasm is somewhat tempered, and Logan is nearby, ready to support me if needed. His real talent lies in finding humour in Cricket's antics. While I apologize, Logan effortlessly lightens the situation and elicits laughter from the group.
Standing side by side with Logan, I can't help but feel a sense of happiness and pride that he's my friend. Men gravitate toward him due to his intelligence, fitness, and affable nature, while women can't resist his combination of smarts and attractiveness. Camille isn't the only one who flirts with him.
Thankfully, Logan doesn't panic over their interest and cling to me again. Nor does he reciprocate their advances or show interest in any of the other smitten women. However, I'm certain it's only a matter of time before he does, given everything he's said about waking up from a coma.
Truth be told, I'm not sure how I'd feel if he started dating. Ideally, I should be happy for him and encourage him to move on. But the truth is, it would only emphasize that I'm not his type and have no chance of capturing his sustained interest. I saw the photo of Izzy—she was stunning. And he paused to admire Jess' photo because she's gorgeous, and gorgeous guys like gorgeous girls.
The thought twists my heart, but I push the sensation aside. A friend is all he'll ever be to me, and I must accept and cherish that. Eventually, he'll move on, and I hope we can remain friends. I don't want to jeopardize that by allowing my attraction to jeopardize our friendship.
"That went okay," Logan says, falling into step beside me as I walk with Cricket back to the Ute.
I nod. Another week of the class is over, and thanks to Logan, I managed to get through it with minimal embarrassment.
"You have to come again next week. Please. It's so much easier with you here."
"I didn't do much."
"Yeah, you say that, but seriously, I've never been as embarrassed as I was last week when he couldn't keep his paws off the other dogs."
"Animals have their instincts."
"Cricket isn't supposed to," I remind him.
"Right. You're shooting blanks, aren’t you, Cricket?"
I laugh. "If he's not, he's probably dreaming about Camille's dog every night."
Unfortunately, I can relate to dreaming about what I can't have.
Logan shakes his head and rolls his eyes. "He could do better than a bitch named Sugar. Both 'Sugar' and 'Cricket' are on the list of questionable dog names."
"Hey," I declare, playfully bumping his side with mine. "I've told you he was named that because he likes cricket balls."
"We'll see about that. We'll play backyard cricket in the summer and test that theory."
Although I'm sure he means playing with the guys, my heart leaps at the thought of him inviting me over for backyard cricket.
I'm being ridiculous.
"That would be great," I say, trying to sound nonchalant. "I mean, if you're still around then."
"If I'm still around?"
"You know, if you're still in the neighbourhood."
He furrows his brow. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know." I shrug. "The guys mentioned a few weeks ago that you might sell."
"I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet. I said that when the topic came up. I'm moving in on Saturday, but I'm in no rush to move out. Besides, there's still a lot of work to be done on the place."
"I know."
I brought up the topic because I wanted to remind myself that he won't be living next to me forever. And even if he decides not to move, Jess and I will have to end our lease and find another place. I hope that by then, Logan and I will be the kind of friends where it won't be weird to invite each other over.
"So, will you come with me next week?" I ask.
We reach the truck, and he unlocks the doors. Cricket jumps into the back seat while Logan leans against the car, facing me.
The expression on his face is serious, earnest, as his gaze locks with mine. "If you want me to come, I'll come."
"I do." Absolutely, I do.
He nods, then spins and opens the door to his Ute. "Well, okay then."
"Okay, then," I echo.
I climb into the Ute, feeling a sense of happiness. Aside from Saturdays, I now have the opportunity to spend more time with Logan, even if it's only for the duration of these six weeks of classes. It provides us with more time to nurture our friendship. Considering that friendship is the extent of what I'll ever have with Logan, and uncertain of how much longer he'll be in Carrington Bay, I intend to enjoy his company for as long as I have it.