I Love You, My Neighbour: Chapter 23
About last night
Kristy
Once I finish my shift, I go home and change into an old t-shirt and a pair of grey tracksuit pants I don't mind getting dirty. I throw on a stained green hoodie, pull my hair into a ponytail and cram my feet into a pair of sneakers. Combat boots would probably be better for paintball, but I don't own any.
Giving myself a once over in the mirror, I decide I look appropriately dressed, but the complete opposite of fashionable. My current look is hardly going to convince Logan he wants to sleep with me again. But I'm not sure anything I wear will convince him he wants to, and at least I'm comfortable.
“I’m sorry you can’t come too, buddy,” I say, bending down to give my dog a thorough scratch behind the ears before I leave him on his own again.
He responds by licking the side of my face.
“I’ll take you for a walk as soon as I get back,” I promise.
I see Logan straight away, leaning against his Ute, his arms crossed as he looks down at the ground. He's changed into a pair of khaki cargo pants, a long sleeve black t-shirt, and he's wearing a black baseball hat on his head. Logan has mentioned it's ideal to show as little skin as possible and he's wearing more now than he usually does, yet the sight of him is still devastating. My heart skips a few beats when he looks up and smiles.
“I didn’t keep you waiting, I hope.” I motion to my outfit. “I got ready as quickly as I could, but it took me a while to dig out these old sweats.”
“No, you didn’t keep me waiting, and what you’re wearing is perfect for paintball, by the way. I don’t know if you have a cap or anything so I thought you might want to borrow one of mine.”
He moves forward then and I notice he's holding another black hat in his hands. My breath catches as he steps closer, his aftershave wrapping around me as he places the item firmly on my head.
I'm sure he must have caught the hitch in my breathing because he stands there for a moment, unmoving, his eyes dark and hot as they lock with mine.
“We should go,” he says, his voice low and suspiciously husky sounding.
I swallow, nod, and then barely force out a thank you when he opens the car door for me.
Neither of us says a word as he starts the engine and reverses out of the driveway, a rock song playing from the CD player in the car.
“You probably don’t want to listen to this,” he says, turning it off. “You want to pick something on the radio?”
Okay, this is starting to feel incredibly awkward. The last time I was in Logan's car, he played his rock music, and I was fine with it. It's as though he's as nervous about this coming conversation as I am – a thing that only makes me feel more nervous about what he plans to say.
“Logan, about last night,” I start, my heart thumping like mad as I bring up the hottest sex of my life. “Can we please just talk about it and get it over and done with?”
Logan casts me a glance before returning his attention to the road in front of him. “That’s probably a good idea.”
Despite his agreement, he doesn't say another word until we turn onto the freeway that will take us to Corona.
He changes gear and presses down on the accelerator as we merge into the lane of speeding traffic. “First, I want to say again how sorry I am for saying that stuff about you dancing with Adam. I think-”
“That Adam is going against your wishes by making a move on me, but we are just dancing.”
“Maybe you are, but Adam…I’m not so sure that’s all it is for him, and seeing him dancing with you like that when I’ve been trying so hard not to do the very same thing really pisses me off.”
I don’t dare move or breathe in case I am dreaming. “You're jealous?”
His gaze flicks across to me before skating back to the road again. “Yeah. I don’t like you dancing like that with my best friend.”
There's nothing flowery about his words. They aren’t a declaration of love – far from it. But the fact he doesn’t like me dancing with his best friend because he wants to dance with me – well, I can’t deny that it pleases me. Not that I'd let him know that.
“Adam really is just being friendly,” I insist.
“I reacted badly, either way. And I owe Adam an apology for that.”
“You haven’t spoken to him yet?”
“Not yet.” Logan glances across at me again. “I called and left a message, but he hasn’t gotten back to me. I’m worried he might really try and take me out with a paintball gun.”
“I’m sure he wouldn’t.”
“I hope you’re right.”
There's a moment of awkward silence before Logan starts speaking again.
“Last night,” he starts, “I didn’t ask you to dance because I didn’t want to screw up this friendship between you and me. I've been trying to avoid the exact thing that ended up happening between us last night because our friendship is beginning to mean a lot to me.”
I swallow, trying to shove down the disappointment I feel. He's more interested in our friendship than a repeat of last night.
“We’re still friends,” I tell him, my voice tight from the intense disappointment wringing out my heart.
Last night, when the sting from his comments is still fresh, and I’m forced to see him dance with woman after woman, I could have walked away from our friendship. But this afternoon, everything is different. For one, I can’t imagine trying to ignore him while we live next door to each other. And I care about him too much to pretend he doesn’t exist.
“I’m glad,” Logan says, taking his eyes off the road to look at me. “I don’t want to lose our friendship. But I’m not exactly going to be able to pretend last night didn’t happen. I’ve been lying if I said I wasn’t thinking about it at least once a minute since Kyle woke me up. Maybe more.”
I turn to look at him, not giving a damn about the fact that neither of us is looking at the road right now.
“What does that mean, exactly? For us?” I ask breathlessly, adrenaline causing my heart rate to spike.
Logan shifts in his seat, as though he is uncomfortable. “You know about Izzy. You already know I’m not looking for anything to take the place of what I have with her. I’m not looking for a girlfriend or a relationship or anything else resembling those things.”
“Of course,” I say, hurt despite the fact I know all of that.
“And I really don’t want to screw up this friendship,” Logan continues.
“I know.”
“But that doesn’t change the fact that I want…to do it again. But only if you want to, of course.”
It is all I can do not to scream out ‘Hell yes’ and show him just how much I am all for the idea. Because what exactly is he proposing here?
“So, you want to continue being friends?” I ask.
“Yes.”
“But you also want to have sex again?”
“Yes. I don’t know how this would work exactly. I was trying to figure out what to suggest earlier.”
“It sounds like you’re proposing a Friends with Benefits kind of deal,” I repeat.
“Yeah.”
“Would you sleep with other people while you’re having sex with me? I mean-”
“I know what you mean.”
I can’t handle that. Even though I know we are never going to have a relationship and I am never going to be his girlfriend, I can’t bear to think of him having sex with other people in between nights he is having sex with me.
“And the answer is no.” He frowns. “I’m not going to have sex with other people if you and I go down this path.”
I'm not an idiot. I've seen the movie ‘Friends with Benefits.’ I know that if I weren't already falling for Logan, indulging in an FWB kind of affair would definitely start tipping me in that direction. But I am already falling for Logan. I am already headed under. And even if partaking in what he's suggesting makes it worse, I’m not sure I have anything more to lose by saying yes.
I do desperately want to be with him again. I can already feel my excitement growing at the thought. I want to spend another night in his arms. And if we are FWB then it would probably be more than one. And it might actually last for a short while, too. At least until Jess gets back from Italy with Alfredo and I need to look for another place to live. I could give myself until then to be with Logan and enjoy him. Once I move somewhere else, I could avoid him or see him significantly less of the time, so that if he starts to see another woman or wants to end our arrangement it wouldn’t be as bad.
“Friends with benefits could work for me,” I tell him as he pulls into the car park of the paintball reserve.
Logan nods but doesn't say anything as he turns off the car. I undo my seatbelt and turn to face him, expecting to continue the conversation. Logan, however, exits the car without a word and comes around to my side. The moment I see the dark intent in his eyes as he opens my door, I jump out of the car and into his arms. I nearly sigh in relief when his lips find mine. And when he picks me up, I wrap my legs around him, desperate to feel him pressed against me.
I moan and whimper as he gently bites my earlobe, presses a kiss to my jaw, and then flicks his tongue over my pulse point in my neck. My nipples immediately tingle and bead in response, desperate for their share of his attention. I move my hips against him, letting him know I am more than ready to take this to the next level.
“We have to stop doing this,” he murmurs while kissing my neck. “This habit of making out against a car will have us brought up for public indecency charges.”
“It would be worth it,” I reply huskily.
He smirks down at me. “It would.” Then his expression grows serious and I remove my legs from around his waist and slide to the ground. “But the guys will be here any second and I'm sort of hoping we could keep this to ourselves. At least for now.”
I nod. “That’s probably sensible.”
After all, I’m not about to advertise to anyone that I’m having sex with Logan when that's all it is – sex. Besides, I don’t need anyone questioning me or my choices, or anyone seeing through my charade and realizing my feelings for Logan run deeper than I’d like. I doubt anyone would understand that I know exactly what this is. I know what is at stake, and I have a plan to deal with it all. I'm going to be just fine, providing I don’t once pretend I am ever going to be anything more than just his friend.