I Love You, My Neighbour: Chapter 32
I need to tell you something
Logan
"Do you have something else you'd rather be doing, honey?"
A surge of guilt washes over me as I put down my phone and turn towards my mum. I haven't seen her in nearly half a year, and I made her a promise to spend Christmas with her. So, it's not surprising that she's calling me out for being distracted. All our uncles, aunts, and cousins have long since gone home, yet Mum and I remain, still talking at the dining table. I haven't managed to sneak even a quick glance at the clock.
The issue? I told Kristy I'd call her after eight, and now it's well past that hour. I suspect she won't mind too much; she's probably in the middle of her own family Christmas dinner. But I miss her, and I'm eager for our chat. We spoke briefly earlier today, but it wasn't nearly enough.
"Is Kristy waiting for you to call her?"
"What, why would she be?"
Admittedly, I've uttered my neighbour's name a handful of times since I arrived a couple of days ago. Well, maybe more than a handful, but certainly not that many.
When I made plans to head to Bairnsdale for the Christmas break, I had thought about asking Kristy to accompany me. Ultimately, I decided it was too early. But now, on Christmas day, I can't shake the feeling that something - or someone - is missing. We've only been apart for three nights, yet it feels like an eternity. It's longer than we've ever spent apart since we started seeing each other.
"Logan, do you seriously think I haven't noticed how your face lights up every time you mention her?"
"I don’t, do I?"
Mum grins at me. "You do. How long have you two been seeing each other?"
I decide against trying to deny my relationship with Kristy. Mum would see right through it.
"Since October."
"I assume things are going well?"
Her knowing gaze suggests she's expecting nothing less than a positive response.
"Yeah," I lean back in my chair, a slow smile spreading across my face. "Things are going really well."
"Then why didn't you invite her to join us?"
"She had to work."
"And?"
"And... I thought it might be too soon for the whole 'meet the parents' situation."
"Did she agree with that sentiment?"
"She was fine with it. We've been taking things slow."
So why does it feel as if things are spiralling out of control? Despite my hesitation to label what we have as a relationship, it's clear that's exactly what it is. However, acknowledging the seriousness of our relationship and expressing my love for her terrifies me.
A few weeks ago, when she confessed her feelings, I was already on the path of falling for her. Now, I'm more than just 'falling'. Every look, every touch, every kiss, every word from her only intensifies my feelings. She's my favourite person to be with, and I want her to move in with me. Yet, I can't seem to muster the courage to tell her how I feel.
I never had this issue with Izzy. As soon as I realized my love for her, the words flowed freely. But that isn't the case with Kristy.
"Judging by how frequently you check your phone, your relationship is anything but slow. You've got that look in your eyes."
"What look?"
"The same one you had when you prepared to go out with Izzy. You were always excited to call her, to spend time with her. You were besotted."
"That's why I proposed to her. But... things with Kristy are different. I care about her deeply, but... it's not the same."
"Because you've loved and lost. Losing someone you love changes how you love the next time."
"Is that what happened to you after Dad passed?"
"To be honest, I never wanted to get that close to another person again. Losing your father was incredibly painful."
Reflecting on my mum's past relationships, I realize she likely never loved any of them the way she loved my father. They provided company for her, a male figure for me, but I never saw her truly heartbroken over their departures.
"Do you think it's possible to find love again?" I ask her.
She raises her eyebrows. "Absolutely, honey. But you have to be open to finding it."
"You weren't."
"No, I wasn't for a long time. I kept myself guarded. But now, I'm letting go and truly embracing life."
From my peripheral view through the arched doorway, I see James, the man Mum introduced to me earlier this evening.
"James seems like a great guy."
"He is. It took me a while to let someone in. I even tried to keep him at bay, but he was persistent." She taps her chest lightly with two fingers. "He managed to sneak past my defences and made a home here. I'm beginning to welcome it because I've realized he brings me great happiness."
I smile at her, "I'm glad."
"And I'm pleased that you've found someone who makes you happy. You're a different man compared to who you were six months ago."
"Kristy…" I begin, "I…I love her," I blurt out. "I can confess it to you. Why can't I say it to her?"
"Because once you tell her, it becomes real. It's irrevocable. The two of you will have to navigate what it means. And then, you begin to contemplate the idea that if you can fall in love twice, you can lose it twice. Simply put, you don't want to risk losing her."
I hadn't 'lost love' the first time; Izzy had been cruelly taken away from me. But maybe Mum is onto something. If something were to happen to Kristy too…
Abruptly, I stand up.
I've tried to suppress these thoughts, avoid them. Yet, now that Mum has voiced them, I realize this fear of experiencing the pain of loss again is paralysing me. If I confess my love to Kristy and something happens to her, she would become the second woman I've lost, which would shatter my heart anew.
However, concealing my feelings doesn't alter them. It just withholds them from her, depriving her of knowing how deeply I care.
I think back to all the times Kristy has stared into my eyes, trying to decode my emotions. I've seen her overcome her insecurities, handle her jealousy towards Jess, and accept her feelings for me without any commitment on my part. She deserves more.
"Go call her, Logan," Mum instructs. "You look like you need to."
I lean down to peck her cheek. "Dinner was amazing. I'll be back to clean up in a bit."
She smiles and gently pats my face. "I won't be waiting."
Confidently, I stride towards my temporary bedroom, dialling Kristy's number as I go. She answers on the third ring.
"Hey." Her voice is buoyant, and I can practically hear the smile she's wearing. "You called."
My palms moisten as I attempt to quell the fluttering anxiety in my chest. I clear my throat before uttering my next words.
"Of course, I did. I've been eager to talk to you all day."
"We spoke earlier," she gently reminds me, her voice exuding warmth and happiness.
"I know, but it was brief. I didn't interrupt your dinner, did I?"
"No, we're back home."
"So soon?"
"I was content to keep things concise."
"How's Jess doing?" I ask, reclining on the bed.
Jess always spends Christmas dinner at Kristy’s parents' house, and it seems they've returned early this year, likely at her behest. Jess ended things with Alfie over a week ago. From what Kristy has shared, it had been in the cards for a while, but despite expecting it, Jess hasn't been her usual self. She recently confided in Kristy that she plans to move abroad again, taking up a job in London.
"Jess is trying, but she's not really feeling the Christmas spirit this year. I, too, usually prefer to keep things short with my folks. Nonetheless, my parents showered her with praise, considering her as their second daughter."
"Do they ever tell you they're proud of you?" I ask.
"No, and normally that thought would upset me, but it didn’t today."
"That’s good to hear."
"Perhaps it's the Christmas spirit, but all I could think about was how grateful I am that you moved in next door."
A rush of warmth spreads through me. "I’m equally grateful for that."
"I wish you’d been there with me today," she confesses softly.
"Me, too. I…miss you."
My hands are clammy now, and I can feel a light sheen of sweat on my back. This is it. This is my chance to tell Kristy exactly how I feel. To tell her that I love her.
"I miss you, too. The day didn't feel right without you. And Cricket missed you, too."
"So, have you given any thought to what I said about us moving in together once Jess leaves?"
Their lease is up for renewal soon. With Alfie out of the picture and Jess planning to take another job overseas, I thought Kristy would abandon any plans of moving away. Yet, she's still considering relocating once the lease ends. Even if she isn't planning on going far, the mere thought of her leaving is unsettling. We've only been seeing each other for a couple of months, and the concept of cohabitation might seem premature, but the more I mull it over, the more I like the idea and crave the closeness.
"I already live next door to you, Logan. Do you really need me at your beck and call, too?" she teases, her laughter tinkling down the line.
"It would indeed be convenient to have you at my beck and call," I concede, playing along.
"Oh, should I start addressing you as 'Master', too?"
The husky undertone in her voice has an instant effect, causing a certain part of me to stir. "I must admit, I like the sound of that."
"Do you now?" she practically purrs. "If you were my master, what commands would you give me?"
"What would I ask you to do?" I echo, arousal surging through me.
With this level of excitement, there's no chance I'll be able to step out and do the dishes. "To start, I’d ask you to take me in your mouth."
"God, yes," she whispers. "I’d eagerly comply."
A grunt escapes me as I slide my hand inside my boxer briefs, finding myself hard and aching.
"You’d taste divine. I know because I've experienced it," she declares. "I’d take you to the back of my throat and pleasure you until you can’t hold back."
Her words coax more arousal from me, causing a surge of pre-cum.
"Are you touching yourself?" she inquires.
"Yes," I respond, breathlessly, my hand working over my length.
Her resultant moan sends my temperature soaring. "You taste incredible, and pleasing you excites me so much I have to touch myself."
"Do you realize that the thought of you doing that is overwhelmingly arousing, right?"
"Really?"
"Definitely."
Talking is becoming a challenge, the enticing images she's painted taking over my mind: Kristy on her knees, my cock in her mouth, her hand working between her legs as she pleasures herself. My strokes are quickening, my grip tightening. The precipice of release is near.
"Then you should know, I’ve fantasized about this before," she continues.
"What?"
"Even before we were intimate, I thought of you."
"God, Kristy."
"I didn't want to, but I couldn't help myself."
The revelation is too much. The thought of Kristy touching herself, unable to resist fantasies of me, sends a surge of anticipation through me.
I force my hand to still, not wanting this intimate moment to end too soon. "What did you think about when…?"
"When I fantasized about us?"
"Yes, tell me."
"You dominating me, my legs wrapped around your hips. Your lips on mine, my hands exploring you while you made love to me."
Her fantasy plays on a loop in my mind as I resume my strokes. I envision myself between her legs, her body invitingly wrapped around mine.
"I’m close," I warn her.
"Me, too."
Her soft moan whispers my name, and the knowledge that she is touching herself while fantasizing about me pushes me over the edge.
"Merry Christmas," she says, her breath finally steady.
"Merry Christmas to you, too," I reply, tidying up and disposing of the tissues.
"I guess I should go. I promised Jess I'd watch a movie with her tonight. Naturally, she's angling for ‘Love Actually’."
I chuckle. "Well, you've got me beat. I promised Mum I'd do the dishes."
She giggles in response. "I suppose I should let you go, then."
"Kristy?"
"Yeah?"
"I... I truly do miss you."
"Me too."
I try to push the words I long to say up from my throat, but they remain stuck. I had hoped that discussing cohabitation would lighten the atmosphere, and if that failed, addressing my personal needs should have brought clarity. Yet here I am, hands clammy and heart racing. I could attribute my reticence to wanting to say "I love you" in person, but that would be dishonest. The truth is, I'm clinging to fear. But it's Christmas, and I want to tell her today. I want to make this day memorable for her.
"I’ll call you tomorrow?" she asks tentatively.
"I’ll be the one to call."
"I suppose I’ll speak to you then."
"You will."
"Bye, Logan."
"Kristy, wait."
"What is it?"
"I need to tell you something."
I hear her swallow. "What? Is…is everything okay?"
It's the uncertainty in her voice that strikes me the hardest. Finally, I manage to articulate my feelings.
"Everything's fine. More than fine. It's great, actually. I just need to tell you that... that I love you. I love you, Kristy."
"I love you, too," she whispers back, her voice heavy with emotion.
"I didn’t make you cry, did I?"
She half-laughs, half-sobs. "No. I’m fine. I’m just…overwhelmed with happiness right now."
I can't help but grin. Maybe I should have waited to say it in person, but the relief and joy I feel right now leave no room for regret. "I love you, Kristy. Sleep well, and I'll see you soon."
"It won’t be soon enough. Bye, Logan."
I end the call and sit up, unable to suppress the grin spreading across my face. I've said it. Kristy knows how I feel.
Four months ago, I would have deemed this moment impossible. The idea of falling in love again was unfathomable. Yet here I am, in love with my neighbour.
Life can throw harsh surprises your way. It can be cruel, relentless, and filled with suffering. But life can also surprise you with its gifts, like a neighbour who initially annoys you but ends up bringing laughter and joy back into your life.
I can't believe we have come to the end of this story. I'm gonna miss them
Ms. My fav writer.. We are waiting. Update please 🥺🩵🩷