Kiss Me, Break My Heart: Episode 3

You have to let me go

Jace

The music wafting from Eve's party down the street is surprisingly upbeat and poppy. I know my mates are probably throwing a fit over the song choice, but I can't find it in me to laugh. Cassie told me we're fine. She lied. Our years of maintaining a strong friendship have crumbled to dust. And it all unravelled so damn quickly that my head is still spinning.

Sitting on the grass outside Cassie's window, I absentmindedly pluck at the blades while waiting for the light to flick on in her room. Her window is open to let in some breeze, though there's not much of it tonight. After a minute, I hear her bedroom door close. The light remains off, but the creaking of her bed springs fills the darkness before she starts to sob. Deep, heart-wrenching sobs that pierce through my chest repeatedly.

Her tears are my fault. Well, mine and Eve's. Cassie was desperate to get away from the two of us, and she would probably be mortified to know that I can hear her right now. But listening to Cassie cry is my punishment for hurting her. She's my best friend, the person I turn to for everything.

How many times did I tell Eve that we should tell Cassie about our relationship? Too many to count. Eve insisted on waiting, but I should have been more insistent. It may not have changed everything that unfolded tonight, but Cassie wouldn't have felt so betrayed. She wouldn't have asked me out on a date.

God.

The look on her face when she realized my answer was no, when she discovered that I'm dating Eve—I can barely breathe every time the memory floods back.

"Cassie?"

The sound of Mona Strand's voice freezes me in place. I can imagine the concern etched in Mona's dark brown eyes. Mona is just like her daughter—or rather, Cassie is just like her mother: kind, considerate, and generous.

The light flicks on in Cassie's room, and I scoot closer to the house on the grass. Through the window, I see Mona sitting on the bed beside Cassie.

Mona wraps her arm around her daughter. "I take it things didn't go well at the party?"

Cassie sighs. "You could say that."

"He didn't notice all the effort you put into looking good for him tonight?"

All the effort she put in? Cassie dressed up for me?

Of course she did. Who else did she ask out tonight?

I'm an idiot.

"Who?" Cassie asks.

"The boy you dressed up for, obviously."

"No. It didn't make any difference."

"Well, then, he's foolish."

"Not foolish. He loves someone else. And... and I could never compete. I'm just so plain."

The sheer agony in her voice tears me apart. She thinks she can't measure up to Eve?

Over the years, I've rarely witnessed any kind of rivalry between the girls, and I used to attribute it to their strong friendship. But now I wonder if it's because Cassie believes she doesn't measure up to Eve. And now, my relationship with Eve has only amplified that feeling.

Which is absurd. Cassie isn't plain. She's stunning with her dark brown hair, cute upturned nose, and sprinkling of freckles. Plus, she's incredibly fit thanks to her love for sports—an interest we share. She's always around me and my mates, and if we weren't friends, I'd probably spend more time admiring her.

But she's my friend, strictly off-limits.

I applied the same rule to Eve, but everything changed that night we kissed. In that moment, I felt something I hadn't experienced with anyone else. There were fireworks and a connection so intense that I couldn't tear myself away from it.

Yes, and look where it got you.

I knew getting involved with Eve was a terrible idea, but being with her felt so right that I allowed myself to believe it might not end in disaster.

If I could go back to that night and change what happened, would things be different now? If it had been Cassie I kissed, would Eve feel the way Cassie does now? If I kissed Cassie, would I have experienced the same fireworks and intensity I felt with Eve? Would I have fallen in love with Cassie instead?

Fuck. I tug at my hair, desperate to silence my racing thoughts.

"Oh, Cassie," Mona says gently. "You're not plain. You're beautiful."

"Not compared to her, I'm not."

Mona clucks her tongue. "Comparisons are pointless. You're a stunning young woman. Why won't you believe me?"

"You have to say that because you're my mother."

Mona chuckles softly. "I may be biased, but I'm not blind. I'm incredibly proud to be your mother, Cassie."

"Thanks, Mum."

"I know it hurts right now."

"It's always going to hurt. Every time I see them together."

Her sob slices through me, stealing my breath.

"It won't always feel this way."

"I don't know. I think it might."

"Well, I know you weren't seriously considering Auntie Ruth's offer, but maybe you should think about it now. Go to Queensland for a while, get away. Give yourself some time to move on from the guy."

"I'm considering it."

"Good."

With great care, I rise from my spot and move away from their house, hoping to remain unseen. If I stay any longer, I might find myself climbing through Cassie's window, begging her not to go. I've always felt lucky to have two best friends, but Cassie is the one I spend the most time with. Not just because Eve is occupied with her extracurricular activities and photography apprenticeship, but because Cassie and I have so much more in common.

Cassie effortlessly blends in with the guys, unlike Eve, who they often find themselves admiring from afar and struggle to approach. My mates even complain when Cassie misses my football games. Our shared love for sports is just one of the many things we have in common. We both have grand plans for when we take over the Magpie Grove Investigative Agency from our parents. We're thrilled to work together and contribute to the business, something Eve has no interest in being a part of.

Cassie is my mate, my best friend, and I love her. The thought of her leaving the state because of me, because she has feelings for me and seeing me with Eve will hurt her, is... unimaginable. How can I allow that to happen?

The music has shifted now. Instead of the poppy and fun tunes, it's heavy, and it guides my steps back to the party.

"Cut my life into pieces This is my last resort Suffocation No breathing Don't give a fuck If I cut my arm, bleeding. This is my last resort."

Papa Roach, I realize after a moment. Eve added my music to the playlist to appease the guys. A wave of tenderness and affection for her washes over me. I've fallen hard for Eve, maybe because she's my friend, or maybe for other reasons. Regardless, I don't want to end our relationship. It's going to tear me apart, but is there any other choice if our being together hurts Cassie? No matter how much it's going to suck, I have to break up with her.

Eve spots me the moment I step through her front door. The crowded room of a hundred or more people doesn't hinder our connection. It's always like that between us—we know when the other enters a room. Her worried expression twists my insides as I manoeuvre through the crowd to reach her.

"Where have you been?" she asks, placing her hands on my shoulders. "Is Cass okay?"

Cassie is far from okay. I want to spill everything I overheard to Eve—I usually do. It's second nature for me to share everything with Cassie too, and resisting the urge has caused more trouble than I anticipated. But with the laughter and drinks surrounding us, now isn't the right time. This is Eve's party, her eighteenth, and it would make me the biggest jerk alive to ruin this important and special occasion for her.

Tomorrow I'll do what needs to be done. Tonight, I'll ensure she enjoys herself and creates positive memories.

"Cassie will be fine," I reassure her.

Well, she will be once I end things with Eve. I hope.

Eve nods, but I notice her nervous habit of nibbling on her bottom lip.

"I love you, Jace. I know it was terrible, but I'm glad Cassie knows about us now."

I don't mention that we should have talked to Cassie earlier, or that things might never be the same again, and that we may have ruined everything tonight. Instead, I wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her close, and whisper into her hair, "I love you too."

Because it's true.

---

Cassie

"Cassie?"

"Mm," I mumble loud enough for Mum to hear me through my bedroom door.

"Are you decent?"

I've been holed up in bed all day, lacking any motivation to get up. The moment I woke up this morning, I buried myself under the covers, pretending the outside world didn't exist.

Mum enters my room just as I sit up. "Cassie, Eve is here."

Crap. I was supposed to call Eve today, but I've been avoiding that conversation. Putting on a fake smile and pretending to be in a good mood feels too difficult. Besides, I've been contemplating whether I should spend the summer in Queensland. Leaving Jace and Eve for months doesn't sit well with me, but at the same time, I don't know how I'll overcome the hurt and envy of seeing them together.

Mum gives me a look that I can't quite decipher before stepping aside, allowing Eve to enter the room.

I gasp as I take in Eve's distressed face. The tears have dried, but mascara stains her cheeks.

"What's wrong?" I ask immediately, sitting up straighter.

Eve crosses the room and collapses onto my bed. "Jace broke up with me."

"What?"

Eve buries her head in her hands, shaking with sobs. "I don't understand, Cass. Last night, we were together. He told me he loved me, and then this morning, he ended things."

"No."

Unfortunately, my denial doesn't magically change her statement from fact to fiction. The grief radiating from my friend is undeniable. I don't get it—Jace loves Eve. He told me so just last night. And nothing has changed since then.

Well, except for the fact that I confessed my feelings to Jace and asked him out.

The sun streams through the windows, warming the room, and although I'm under the covers, I can't shake the feeling of coldness inside me. Jace broke up with Eve because of our conversation last night. So much for him believing I was okay. He knows me too well; I probably didn't fool him for a second. Now Jace doesn't feel right about dating Eve.

Guilt and hopelessness constrict my chest. What a mess everything has become.

"Eve, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"But it is."

Eve stares at me. "What are you talking about?"

"I... I asked Jace out."

"What?"

I sigh and force myself to meet her gaze. She's looking at me as if I've just told her I've killed her puppy. "I thought you were dating someone, someone other than Jace, obviously. I've had... feelings for Jace for a while, and I thought now that you were dating someone—someone I assumed I would meet at the party—I'd ask Jace out." I let out a forced laugh. "I had this silly idea that Jace and I could go on a double date with you and your mystery man."

What a colossal misjudgement.

"Clearly, he felt bad about everything, and that's why he broke up with you," I add.

A look of relief sweeps across Eve's face. "That explains a lot. I didn't realize you've been crushing on Jace. Why didn't you say anything to me?"

"Because I thought it would be weird. You always said it would ruin our dynamic if two of us got together."

Eve has the good grace to look sheepish. "I know I said that, and honestly, I didn't want to go there with Jace. It just kind of happened..."

This conversation is not making me feel any better.

"So you asked him on a date," Eve continues. "What did he say?"

"What do you think he said? He said he couldn't date me because he was with you. Now obviously he feels guilty about it, but I didn't want the two of you to break up. If he'd mentioned he was thinking about it, I would have told him not to because all I want is for you and Jace to be happy."

Eve suddenly bursts into tears. "Oh, Cass. I barge in here upset about Jace ending things with me when you have these feelings for him. What are we going to do?"

"Honestly, I have no idea."

Eve gives me a watery smile, but I can't return it. This whole situation seems ten times worse today than it did last night. If Jace thinks that breaking up with Eve is going to fix things, he's wrong. Nothing will ever make things go back to the way they have been, doesn't he see that? Jace's guilt is going to wreck everything Eve and Jace have unless I remove myself from the situation and give my friends some time to enjoy each other.

"I'm thinking about going up to see Auntie Ruth after Christmas."

"What? No, you can't leave us for the summer."

As far as protests go, it feels more obligatory than genuine, and I can't help wondering whether Eve has been secretly hoping I would go so she and Jace can spend time together without worrying about making me feel like a third wheel.

"I think it'll be good for you guys. You two can be all couple-y and stuff without worrying about me being a third wheel."

"You'll never be a third wheel, Cass."

"We both know that isn't true. It's the reason you always said it was better to leave romance out of our group."

Eve hangs her head. "I never knew you liked him."

"Yeah, well, that's because I never said anything. And thank goodness I didn't, huh? If I had, you never would have gone for Jace, right?"

"Of course," Eve agrees, looking appalled I would ask her such a thing. "Now I don't know how I feel about being with the guy you like."

The guy I like? Jace is so much more than that. He's the guy I love. The guy I've always loved, and the only guy I've ever loved. It has been that way since we were ten. But I can't exactly tell Eve that without making everything worse.

"Well, maybe when I go to Queensland, I'll find my own Jace, or at least get over my feelings for him."

"And then everything can go back to the way it was?" Eve asks hopefully.

"Yeah. Sure." Like that's ever going to happen.

Eve hugs me. "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you earlier."

"I forgive you."

"I know Jace isn't going to like the idea of you leaving for the summer."

"Don't worry about Jace. I'll talk to him."

Eve nods and smiles. "Thanks, Cass. I don't know what I'd do if things between me and Jace were over for good. I'm crazy about him, you know?"

I understand that much better than she'll ever know. Which is why I must talk to Jace. As much as I don't want to bring up our conversation from last night, I have to. It's the only way to make him understand that I need to go to Queensland. That way, we can all get on with our lives, Jace and Eve together. And me? By myself for the first time in my life.

---

Jace

"Well, if it isn't my sister from another mister."

Dad's voice filters through the security door as I shoot hoops outside. My morning has been a complete disaster, but I can't help but smile at the affection in my father's tone. Without even seeing our visitor, I know it's Cassie. She's practically family, just as close to Dad as she is to me. We've been a part of each other's lives ever since our dads joined forces. Don't get me wrong, Dad loves Eve too, but Cassie has spent more time at our house, simply hanging out.

"I'm glad you're here. My son could use a pick-me-up."

"I'll do my best. Where is he?"

"Playing basketball in the backyard. Go on through."

"Thanks, Kent."

I tuck the ball under my arm as Cassie opens the sliding door and peeks her head out.

"Hey," she says, a small, forced smile on her face as her gaze meets mine.

"Hey."

She steps out, sporting her usual summer outfit—denim shorts, sneakers, and a vibrant t-shirt. After closing the door behind her, she looks at me and extends her hands, signaling that she wants the ball. I pass it to her, studying my best friend as she lines up her shot.

The slight flush on her cheeks and her difficulty in meeting my eyes after releasing the ball give away her non-platonic feelings. As if her tearful conversation with her mother last night didn't already make it clear.

Keeping this secret from her may be the dumbest thing I've ever done. If Eve and I had been honest from the beginning, things would be different now. Well, I can't say for sure how Cassie's feelings would be, but maybe she would have confronted them earlier. Perhaps she would have never asked me out, and I would have never known she liked me.

In silence, we take turns scoring before she finally stops, resting the ball against her side and looking at me. "I'm thinking of going to Queensland for the summer, taking Auntie Ruth's offer."

"What? No!"

I've torn my heart apart to avoid exactly this outcome. "I don't want you to go, Cass. Eve and I broke up so you wouldn't have to witness us together. You have to stay."

Cassie takes a step closer, locking her eyes with mine and letting me see the conflict within her. "And how is that going to work, Jace? Take a moment to think about it. Can you really envision the three of us hanging out like we used to? Do you think we'll go swimming every night, pretending that I never asked you out and that you and Eve aren't in love? You're asking the impossible."

Emotions tighten my throat. She's damn right. Everything is a mess beyond repair. I broke up with Eve because Cassie has feelings for me, causing anger and pain for Eve. And now I've made Cassie feel embarrassed and uncomfortable.

Nothing feels right. Will it ever feel right again?

The urge to swear and unleash my frustration on something is strong, but I don't want Dad to come out here and ask me what's wrong. Hurting two girls in twenty-four hours? My two closest girls? Dad would tell me to grow up, be a man.

Cassie takes a few more steps toward me, her eyes wide and earnest, before pausing and placing her hand on my arm.

She holds my gaze. "You have to let me go, Jace. It's our best chance at... at finding some semblance of normalcy. I'll go and have an amazing vacation. You and Eve can stay here and spend the summer together. And when I come back, I'll be over everything. It'll be easier this way. We can pretend none of this ever happened."

It's logical. It makes sense. Yet, it's the hardest pill to swallow. Cassie and I had plans for this summer. Cricket matches, concerts, staying at my aunt's beach house. Eve would have joined us for some activities, and I would've spent my nights with her. But Cassie was supposed to be my days.

Not because she's a time filler, but because Cassie is my best friend in the world. I've been looking forward to this holiday—the summer after graduation. And now? The summer holds none of the promise it once did.

But how can I force her to stay when she's so determined to leave? How can I tell her not to go when she's right about everything, including it being our best shot at returning to normal?

"Do you really think it'll work for you to leave?" I ask.

"Of course," she replies, her voice brimming with enthusiasm, yet her eyes still carrying sadness. Uncertainty.

"Then you have to do it, I guess. But just so we're clear, just so there's no misunderstanding, I don't want you to go." I maintain her gaze, silently urging her not to look away. "I don't want to spend months here without you."

"I know, but it's just one summer."

"You'll keep in touch, right? You won't disappear and cut off contact or something?"

She looks away, and my gut tightens. "I wouldn't do that."

"Promise me, Cass," I demand. "Promise me that when you come back, we'll be good. We'll be okay."

"I promise."

Her words hold determination as she flips the ball in her hands, preparing for another shot at the hoop. The moment the ball leaves her hands, I reach out and pull her closer, enveloping her in my embrace. After a moment of resistance, she relaxes into the hug, returning it.

Is she burying her face in my shirt and taking a sniff?

Regret gnaws at me. How did I mess up so badly by overlooking Cassie's feelings for me? She's always been reserved around guys, hardly ever dating. It took so much courage for her to ask me out, despite her discomfort. Once again, I ponder how things would have unfolded if I had kissed Cassie instead of Eve.

But dwelling on what-ifs won't change the reality. I made a choice, and it's irreversible. Cassie isn't angry; she's just taking some time away. I can handle one summer without her. We'll stay connected through WhatsApp instead of soaking up the sun at the beach. I owe it to my lifelong friend to grant her the freedom she desires.

I grab the ball, initiating a one-on-one game.

We'll emerge stronger from this. I refuse to lose Cassie. She gave me her word that we'll be okay, and she's never broken a promise before. There's no reason to doubt her now, is there?