Kiss Me, Break My Heart: Episode 9
Too Early For Teasing
Jace
Cassie doesn’t meet my gaze as she hands me my beer, then takes her seat opposite mine, still refusing to look at me. My stomach sinks as I take in her flushed face. How much did she hear? Were they still walking back when Declan shook his head at me, or were they already standing behind me?
My comments may have just ripped open the box of history we’ve both done our best to tape shut and, by silent agreement, marked off-limits. Everything that happened—all the things that drove her to move to Queensland—the feelings she had for me back then, are something we’ve never discussed. Not more than fleetingly, back when she told me she planned to move home and that she was over everything. Over me.
I thought leaving the subject alone was for the best. Why rehash Eve’s eighteenth birthday and the years that followed? We’ve moved on. We pieced our friendship back together.
Yet, as Declan makes a joke about the footy score on the TV above the bar and Cassie forces a laugh, I wonder if it’s been a mistake to keep quiet and never talk about it. Whether, instead of healing, it’s just a giant scab waiting to be picked off. It’s not like I believe Cassie loves me that way anymore, but the fact that neither of us ever references it might not be the healthiest thing for our friendship.
I stare at her, willing her to meet my gaze, but she keeps her eyes focused on the football game on the screen above the bar.
I hate this. I hate feeling like I just unintentionally damaged my friendship with Cassie when the only thing I want to do is protect it. She can’t fault me for focusing on rectifying the mistakes of my past by prioritizing our friendship, valuing it above all else—something I didn’t do but should have done with Eve.
The silence between us becomes excruciating. Even after we’ve ordered our dinners—a dinner I no longer have any appetite for—Cassie ignores me. Meanwhile, Logan and Declan look between us with worried expressions, and eventually, they stop trying to force jokes and conversation. The four of us are rarely silent, and not because we can’t stand the quiet, but because someone always has something to say. We bounce off each other. Bantering is always easy.
Just as the silence stretches into something so uncomfortable that I start imagining what I’m going to have to do to make it up to Cassie—how to apologize without making everything worse—I remember the conversation I had earlier today with a potential client. All day, I’ve been excited about sharing the news with Cassie because I know she’s going to be crazy excited. The news about her and Thom, and then my conversation with Declan, made me forget it completely until now.
“Cass,” I say softly, hesitantly.
“Mmm?” she murmurs without looking at me.
“You know the therapist you’ve been obsessed with—”
“What therapist?”
“Von Gruber, right?”
For the first time since overhearing my conversation with Declan, she looks at me.
“Yes, Von Gruber.” Her eyebrows draw together. “What about him?”
“I scheduled a meeting next Wednesday with a client who thinks they know where he’s hiding and believes he’s back to no good.”
Cassie sits up straighter, her eyes wider and full of curiosity. “No way. If that’s… No one’s heard a thing from him in five years.”
I nod. “He could finally be done with staying off-grid.”
Excitement dances through her, and she grins at me, her smile lighting up her whole face as her journalistic and private detective instincts thaw through the ice. Well, they do temporarily. When her smile slips, as if remembering my comments from earlier, hurt flits through her gaze for a fraction of a second before she catches it and hides it from me. I feel it as a physical pain inside my chest.
Fortunately, with her curiosity now piqued, she’s not done with the questions. “This client, what’s he claiming? Why does he think it’s Von Gruber?”
“He has a daughter working at an exclusive hotel and club that is highly selective about who is allowed to enter. His daughter’s behaviour has changed, and she won’t speak to him. When he went there to talk to her, he came face to face with someone he swears matches the man from the articles from five years back.”
“Did he have a falling out with his daughter before she started working there?” she asks.
“No, they were close.”
“Still could be anyone,” she says, frowning. “It doesn’t mean it’s him.”
“You could be right,” I agree. “But you’re the one who said a man like that would never be satisfied with staying off-grid forever. He’s too greedy, too perverse, and too arrogant not to test the waters.”
“Sounds like it’s worth following up,” Declan comments, leaning back in his chair and joining the conversation. “I wasn’t in on the bust that brought him down the first time—too new to the feds to take part—but I heard about it. The guy was crazy, and not the kind of crazy you forget. We were all brought in to hunt him down when he escaped. If this is the guy… well, it makes sense he’d come back and try again. He virtually got away with brainwashing the elite for years.”
Cassie nods, her eyes finding mine. “When’s the meeting?”
“Wednesday. Could be a big-money client.”
“We like those,” she nods.
“We need more of them.”
With Cassie and me both devoted to O’Connell & Strand, we’ve kept the business ticking along to the point where it’s healthy and profits are up. The competition is still out to undercut us, but our reviews are much better, and word of mouth is working in our favour. Cassie and I are both keen to continue the upward trend of our profits, and our fathers want us to take over completely, buying out their shares before the business valuation gets too high.
I was ready to sign on the dotted line months ago. Cassie, on the other hand, keeps stalling the handover. Not for the first time, I have to remind myself she’s not looking for the optimal time to ditch me and the business. I’ve tried not to let my fears of her leaving because of feelings panic me again, but it would be my worst nightmare to say goodbye to her again, to lose her once more, and it’s a fear that’s playing on my mind. I know something is holding her back; I just don’t know what. Neither does her father, who just today asked me to talk to her about it.
Now isn’t the time, however—not when the flash of hurt I saw in her eyes is still making my chest tight and my stomach ache.
I look at her, studying her, but she’s back to avoiding my gaze, and I have the sinking feeling that I didn’t just fuck up a little bit with what I said to Declan, but a whole lot.
Maybe it’s past time we address the stuff that happened all those years ago. If she wants to, that is.
Cassie
A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth as I see the name flash up on the smart screen on my dashboard. Hitting answer, I say, “Hey, you.”
“Wow, now that’s a greeting a man could get used to.”
Smiling, I reply, “I’m glad you approve. Aren’t you up early for a Monday morning? You’re two hours behind us, which makes it…” I glance at the clock on the smart screen. “6:45.”
“Got up early just to talk to you.”
“Aw, Gav,” I say, warmed by his sweet response. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”
“I actually have some news,” Gavin says, his voice carrying a hint of mystery.
“Well, don’t tease me.”
“You know I love to tease you.”
Gavin is still quite the flirt and a good friend, even though I’ve been living in Magpie Grove for the past couple of years. We’ve kept in touch, and though I suspect part of the reason is him often trying to convince me to come back to QLD, sometimes it feels like he’s just checking up on me, making sure I’m okay. I made a lot of friends in Queensland—none quite like the friendship I had with Eve and Jace, but Gavin comes close, and it's great to hear from him. If nothing else, it’s a welcome distraction from the conversation I’m worried Jace is going to want to have when I get to work.
“It’s Monday—too early in my week for teasing,” I say.
“Not a great weekend?”
“Let’s not go there.”
It’s the first weekend since I moved back to Magpie Grove that I haven’t seen Jace, and that’s after I called in sick on Friday. I know he knows I’m avoiding him, but even that couldn’t make me agree to watch the football game together. And, of course, I didn’t have Thom as a distraction either. My weekend sucked.
“If you want to talk about it, you know you can call me anytime, right?” Gavin offers.
“I know, and I’m so grateful for that, but right now, I need some good news. Lay it on me.”
“I just wanted to let you know there’s another vacancy up here. You know, in case you were thinking about coming home.”
“You have no idea how tempting that sounds right about now.”
“I love her as a friend, and that’s all. I would never be stupid enough to let myself feel that way about a friend again. Never, ever again. No feelings like that. And especially not with Cassie.”
God, what I would do to forget those words. They echoed in my head all weekend, and each time they did, I felt them hit me all over again, each like a bullet to my already tender heart.
“Do you have any idea how much I’m missing the weather?” I ask, trying to focus on anything other than the way my heart is twisting inside my chest.
“You know I’m just going to keep ringing you with all these job vacancies until you come back to me, right?”
He laughs, playing it off as a joke, but I can hear the sincerity behind his words. I love Gavin as a friend, and I know he wishes our relationship had worked out. Maybe the way I feel about Gavin is the way Jace feels about me. That thought is a swift kick to the ribs, and it brings back the question that’s haunted me all weekend: why was Jace talking to Declan about me like that? Why did he feel the need to make it so clear that he doesn’t see me that way and never will?
I thought I’d done a pretty good job of keeping my love for Jace under wraps, but maybe I haven’t. Maybe they’ve been bubbling away under the surface for so long that they’ve become obvious every time I look at him. God, I wish I knew how to push them back down. I wish I knew how to get over my best friend.
“I have one more thing to share,” Gavin says. “And this is actually the real news I got up early this morning to tell you.”
I paste a smile on my face and try to give Gavin my full attention. “I can’t take any more suspense. What’s this news?”
“The editor-in-chief is leaving, and I just got asked to replace her.”
“Oh my God,” I squeal. “Gavin, that’s terrific news. I’m so excited for you!”
He chuckles lightly. “So, I just wanted to say that now that I’m in this position, there will always be a job here for you if you ever want it. I’ll make sure of it.” He pauses, letting his sincerity shine through. “If you ever change your mind and get so sick of the weather you can’t stand it anymore, let me know. I’ll fix you up, Cass.”
I choke on the tears that threaten to fall, hearing the full meaning behind his words. Gavin doesn’t know everything about my past heartbreak, but he made a few good guesses during the short time we were together. He guessed I’m in love with someone who can’t love me back, who will never be available to me. “Thanks, Gav. You have no idea how much that means to me,” I say quietly, letting him hear the sincerity in my voice.
The white brick building shaped like an L that is O’Connell & Strand comes into view, and I sigh as I pull into the car park.
“I have to go now, Gav, but we have to celebrate properly the next time I’m up there or you come down here, okay? We’ll have a proper celebration.”
“I’m going to hold you to that,” he tells me.
“You absolutely should. Talk to you soon.”
“Bye, Cass.”
It takes more energy than it should to drag myself out of the car and walk into work, and even more energy than I can muster to keep my smile in place.
I wave to Wendy, our receptionist who’s been with O’Connell & Strand for the past decade. The look she gives me says I’m doing a shoddy job of looking professional and like the partner I will be once I sign the contract to become co-owner.
“You still feeling sick, love?” she asks quietly, leaning over the front bench.
“Not quite one hundred percent, but better than I was,” I tell her before beelining for my office.
Almost worse than the hurt I felt over Jace’s words is how I failed to hide my reaction. I’ve been dwelling on Thursday night and Jace’s comments all weekend. The pervading sense of hopelessness has been creeping into my world a little more. I tried to get over Jace. I left the state, nearly ended our friendship completely so I’d have the space to date. I don’t want to be in love with my best friend, but I am, and those strings are wrapped around my heart so tight that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to cut them off. What if I can’t? What if I’m doomed to love him for the rest of my life?
Since leaving all those years ago, I’ve dated enough men, including Gavin and Thom, to know there’s no one else for me. This feels like defeat because I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this—just loving Jace from my spot beside him as his best friend. It’s hard enough with him not dating, but Eve will come home, and then I’ll have to stand back and watch them together all over again. Can I really do that?
“Hey, you’re here,” Jace says, walking in with a cardboard tray holding two coffees. After he drops it on the small table in front of my office, he props his hip against the doorway, one hand in his pocket.
As he stands there, blocking my exit, I can’t help but absorb his excessively good looks. His medium-length blond hair looks slick and stylish, his perfectly angular jaw is clean-shaven, and the white shirt he’s wearing shows off his tan. His grey suit pants fit him to perfection, the belt buckle drawing my attention down to his hips even though it shouldn’t. In the light of my office, his hazel eyes seem more green than brown.
Being in love with my best friend means I find him attractive in anything he wears, but when he’s dressed in a suit, my body always responds and signals its approval.
“Yup. I’m here.” I wrench my gaze away from him and motion to the coffees. “But you knew I would be, from the looks of it?”
“I hoped you would come in.” He steps into the office, closes the door, ensuring our privacy, and I feel my heart rate skyrocket.