Let Me Be the One: Chapter 2

Lainey

Lainey

I groan and throw a hand over my eyes as my best friend pulls open the heavy curtains in my bedroom with the theatrical flair she’s so well known for. Who was the idiot that gave her a key to my place? Oh, right. That would be me. It’s supposed to be for emergencies, like feeding my cat when I’m away on holiday or helping me out when I lose my house key—something that’s happened on more than one occasion. It is absolutely not supposed to be used to break into my house first thing Saturday morning to stage an intervention.

No intervention is necessary; I just need to go back to sleep. In the dreamworld, everything is right. Lucas and I are still together. Lucas is in love with me, and the two of us are hanging out with Ben and Amber, who are crazy in love with each other.

“Lainey, you have to get past this,” Cass says on a sigh. “It’s been three months already.”

“I was with Lucas for two and a half years, Cass. You can’t expect me to be over it so quickly.”

“It’s supposed to be a month for every year. I’ve given you three months already. I refuse to give you any longer. There’s no point lying in bed all day while listening to Nothing Compares To You and All By Myself. It’s self-indulgent and self-pitying, and I’m done enabling you.”

Those aren’t the only songs I’ve been listening to. I found a wonderful collection of songs online called Heartbreak through the Decades. This isn’t something I share with Cass, though. She has enough ammunition for her verbal beat-down already.

“It’s a year for every year you were together, not a month,” I say instead.

“Lainey, you need to get your shit together. The only thing you do is go to work. You are still going to work, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am. How pathetic do you think I am?”

Okay, so I have taken a few sick days these past few months, but that’s because I hate my job as a checkout chick and I’d rather be writing. Not that I’ve done much writing lately…

“I don’t think you want me to answer that honestly, Lainey. Look around you. The place is a complete mess. The kitchen is full of dirty dishes. When was the last time you washed up?”

I think back, but I can’t remember.

“You’ve let your freelance work at the magazine go,” Cass continues.

“I can’t keep running into Lucas there. It hurts too much.”

“You haven’t made the revisions your editor asked you to make to the manuscript, either.”

“Because she wants me to change the whole damn thing.”

“If she published it the way it is, people would throw themselves over the closest cliff. Jesus, Lainey, it’s the most depressing thing I’ve ever read. Rings & Roses won’t publish stories that don’t have happy endings. You know that.”

I sigh, picking at the bedspread covering me. “I’m not sure I believe in happy endings anymore, Cass.”

As a young girl, I daydreamed constantly about what my happily ever after would look like. As soon as I could string a decent sentence together, I began writing about finding Prince Charming, and when that was no longer enough to satisfy my cravings for romance, I began writing fairy tales about other people. I’ve been looking for love for as long as I can remember, obsessed with romance and people who are perfect for each other. Now, however, I’m starting to think that maybe some find love and others don’t.

Cass pushes her long dark hair off her shoulders and takes a seat on my bed. “You’re not the first person to break up with someone, Lainey. Not even close. I know it’s difficult, but it’s time to let go and move on. You have other things you need to focus on. If you don’t make that deadline, Rings & Roses won’t keep you as an author. What are you going to do if you’re not writing anymore? Keep working at Dixon’s Local Supermarket for the rest of your life?”

“Dad would love that,” I mutter.

“You’re an artist, Lainey.”

“The only stuff I feel like writing at the moment is dark and depressing. According to you and my editor, no one wants to read that.”

“Why can’t you write about the woman getting over the break-up? The one who doesn’t believe in love anymore but finds a new man who sets her world on fire against all the odds?”

“But what if that woman can’t get over the break-up? What if she never finds a man who sets her world on fire again?”

Cass sighs. “You know I liked Lucas. He was a good guy, but his heart belonged to someone else from the very start, Lainey.”

I put my hand over my stomach as if she just punched me there.

“I know it’s hard to hear, but it’s the truth. You need to accept it.” Cass puts her hand over mine and squeezes gently. “This time you need to look for a man who isn’t already in love with someone else.”

“I don’t want to look for another man. I’m not ready to look for one.”

“Okay.” Cass nods. “I’m not going to nag you about dating when you’re clearly not ready to think about it yet. But I’m not prepared to stop nagging you about getting on with life. When was the last time you left the house to do anything other than go to work?”

Truthfully, I can’t remember. I do all my shopping at work, after my shift ends, and then come home to my cat and Netflix.

“Hmm, I thought so,” Cass says, interpreting my silence correctly. “I want you to come out with me this evening.”

“I don’t feel like going out, Cass.”

“Which is all the more reason why you should. You haven’t had a night out in three months. It’s time to start living again. Maybe you’re not over Lucas yet, and maybe you’re not ready to start dating again, but you don’t have to sit around moping in bed. A few of the cast of Green’s Law are getting together at Barnaby’s Bar & Grill tonight. I want you to come out with us.”

I’ve met Cass’s co-stars a few times. They’re good value and they’ve always welcomed me into their little group, but they’re Cass’s friends, not mine. The cast of Green’s Law have in-jokes and memories I’m not part of, and I know I’ll just sit there smiling and nodding and pretending I know what they’re talking about when I really don’t or listening as they fill me in on why something is funny, thus ruining the joke. They’re already an established group and I’ll be an outsider if I go.

“I just don’t think tonight’s the best night for me to try getting out. I’m not in the best headspace. I’ll just bring everybody down.”

Cass’s expression goes from stern but understanding to hard and unyielding. “Let me put it this way; you’re coming with me, like it or not.”

“Cass—”

“No. No excuses. I don’t want to hear them. You’re depressed and angry, and I get it. But it’s time to break you out of your funk, and as your best friend it’s my duty to do it. I’ll call Tara if I have to.”

Dread rolls through me at the thought. Nothing could be worse than having my perfect younger half-sister here. She wouldn’t understand what I’m going through because everything comes easy to her. If Cass calls her over here, Tara will turn up with a whistle and whip and pester me about getting over Lucas. Worse still, she’ll tell my father that Lucas and I are over, which will be just one more disappointment to him. Dating Lucas was one thing I did right in my father’s eyes. It won’t matter to him that Lucas was in love with someone else from the beginning; my father will blame the end of our relationship on me.

“They’re your only options, Lainey. Come out with me tonight or I’ll call Tara first thing tomorrow.”

If my options are being the outsider for one night or having perfect Tara here ‘helping’ me get over my heartache, it’s an easy choice.

“Fine,” I sigh. “I’ll come out with you tonight.”

Cass beams at me, as if she hasn’t just blackmailed me into spending time with her and her posse. “Now, Barnaby’s is a nice spot with a club next door. Come dressed to kill and I’ll pick you up at six. We’re having dinner there.”

“Yay.”

My fist pump must look as put on as it feels because Cass gives me a pointed look. “There’s still time for me to call Tara.”

“Don’t you dare! I said I’m coming.”

“Well, a little enthusiasm wouldn’t kill you. Promise me you’ll come out with an open mind and try to have a good time.”

“I’ll try.”

I don’t expect tonight to be a hugely fun experience, and I don’t really want to go, but I don’t want to ruin the evening for everyone else. Moreover, I don’t want to upset Cass. She’s a good friend. And since friends are in such short supply these days, I don’t want her to think I’m not grateful for her friendship.

Besides, maybe it will be nice to have some company for the evening, even if I don’t really know these people. Even if I am the outsider. The last three months have been spent in isolation. My choice, of course.

Well, my choice for the most part. There is one person I reached out to—someone I’ve tried to connect with these past few months. I sent Ben two text messages after the breakup. The first message was to ask how he was and the second to ask him if he wanted to talk or catch up. I had a brusque reply to the first SMS and no reply to the second.

I’ve always known Ben isn’t a friend, per se, but I still feel a little cut that I didn’t rate the twenty cents it costs to return a message. We may not have a great deal in common, but after being in each other’s lives for a solid year and a bit, I thought I deserved better than that. I miss him.

“You should do some cleaning today,” Cass says, walking backwards to the doorway of my bedroom. “When I come back tonight, I want this place all cleaned up.”

“Yes, Mum.”

As Cass walks out of my unit, I pick my mobile phone up off my bedside table and look at my messages. Why hasn’t Ben messaged me back? If anyone understands how upset I still am and why I don’t care about cleaning, it’s Ben.

Opening up the last text I sent him, I type out another message: Hey, it’s Lainey. Can we catch up sometime?

In the two months since my last text message, I haven’t heard a word from him, but I can’t resist trying one more time. And if he doesn’t respond this time? Well, I won’t bother him again.