Let Me Be the One: Chapter 9
Ben
Ben
Lainey looks hot tonight. I don’t like that I’m thinking this, but I can’t seem to shake the thought. Frustratingly, the more I hang out with Lainey, the more glaringly obvious her attractiveness is. As I follow her over to the pool table, I can’t keep my eyes off the swish of her hips beneath her jacket. I also can’t stop imagining what she’s wearing underneath it. I caught a glimpse of purple and black, but that was just a tease. In her high heels, her legs look like they’re a mile long and I’m doing my best not to think about having them wrapped around me while I’m balls deep inside her.
See, this is exactly why female friends are dangerous. Usually, all I want to do with a woman is screw her. But I talk to Lainey. We hang out. And now I’m torn between asking her how she is and bending her over one of the pool tables and finding out what kind of underwear she’s wearing. If any.
Damn. I’m getting harder with every stride she takes. I clench my hands into fists to stop myself from reaching for her. Lainey is the last person I should think about sleeping with. She’s still in love with her ex and she’s not a one-night stand kind of girl. Our easy friendship used to deter errant fantasies of her and me, so why is it no longer working?
She turns to face me as soon as we reach the table. “You rack ‘em and I’ll break. Or do you want to break?”
“You break.”
My voice comes out gruff and her expression is full of apology as she studies me. “I know tonight is guy’s night.”
“Then why are you here?”
I probably could have phrased that better, but I don’t have it in me tonight. Not when I’m all worked up over what she’s wearing and I have to hide it. I’ve looked around already; there aren’t any decent-looking women in this place, outside of Lainey and her friend, so I can’t even distract myself. No wonder Duncan suggested we come here. If we were anywhere else, I’d have left the group already to go hook up. I should have known something was up when Duncan insisted we come here.
Hell, I did know. When I suggested we go somewhere else, he shot me down. And for what? A woman.
I follow Lainey’s gaze over to where Cass and Duncan are standing together at the bar. Seb is still with them, but there’s no mistaking the fact Cass is a lot closer to Duncan than she is to Seb.
Duncan thinks I don’t know he’s been sneaking off to see someone, but I’m not an idiot. And now it’s obvious who Duncan’s mystery woman is. From the way Lainey’s gaze is flicking between them and me, she knows it, too, and she’s waiting for my reaction. Might as well clue her in that I know exactly what’s going on.
“So it’s Cass,” I say. “She’s the one he’s been skipping guy’s night for?”
Lainey’s gaze locks with mine. “You knew he was involved with someone?”
“He doesn’t even try picking up anymore when we do go out. Plus he has this fucking glow about him every time I see him. She’s responsible for that, isn’t she?”
“Wow, you saw the signs before I did.”
It’s only now I contemplate the idea Lainey only found out tonight. “Did you know?”
“I had no clue they were together until Cass dragged me here tonight.”
I don’t know why I feel relieved that Lainey hasn’t been keeping Cass and Duncan’s relationship from me, but I do. Obviously, she’s going to be more loyal to Cass than to me, but I don’t like the idea of her hiding something so easily from me. Lainey and I have only been hanging out as friends for the last month and a half, but I’ve come to trust her like I trust the guys. Every time I’ve talked to her about Duncan bailing, she’s never said a thing. It would bother me if she knew this whole time.
“So, what’s the purpose of tonight?” I ask. “He’s finally telling us the truth and we’re all supposed to celebrate?”
She gives a little shrug. “I think so.”
The moment I put the triangle back on top of the rectangular light over the table, she breaks, knocking in one big and two smalls.
“I’ll take smalls,” she says just as Seb and Cass join us.
Both Seb and Cass are nursing drinks, and I realise I don’t have one. Damn it. I’ve been so distracted by Lainey and Cass being here, and then by Lainey’s hotness, that I forgot to buy one.
“I need a beer,” I say to no-one in particular.
“Duncan is bringing you one,” Cass says, eyeing me warily.
Sure enough, Duncan is strolling towards me with two beers in his hands. “For you.” He holds one out to me before he lowers his voice. “An apology for messing with guy’s night.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time,” I mutter as I take the beer.
Lainey chooses that moment to start up a conversation with Seb and Cass, leaving me to talk to Duncan.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Duncan asks.
“It means you’ve barely hung out with me and Seb these past few weeks. I knew you were seeing someone. I don’t know why you didn’t just come right out and tell me instead of pussyfooting around the truth for the last month.”
Duncan shoves a hand in his pocket and leans against the pool table. “I thought it might be easier if we were all together when I came clean.”
All together? He could have said something last time we were hanging out at the pub. He didn’t need to invite Cass and Lainey along. When I glance at Lainey and see her taking off her jacket to reveal the sexiest dress I’ve ever seen her wear, however, I choose not to point this out. She found out at the same time I did. Two birds with one stone. Maybe they thought it would be better for both of us if we found out together.
“How did Lainey take it?” I ask.
“She found out about three minutes before you did. But she seems happy enough for me and Cass.” He shifts his weight from one foot to the other. “I hope you can be happy for me, too. I know we said we’d be bachelors till the last, but—”
“That was before you met Cass.” I finish for him, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.
“She’s… awesome,” Duncan says. “I don’t know how else to describe her.”
“Listen, I’m done with relationships,” I tell him. “I’m done with hanging my hopes and dreams on someone else. And I’m done with changing for someone when it’s not in me to be good enough for anyone.”
“Mate—”
“But I’m not going to stop you from diving into that shark infested water. If this is what you want to do, then I’ve got your back.”
I can’t deny I don’t see Cass and Duncan working out, but that’s their mistake to make. And yeah, I’ve been bitter about what happened with Amber and generally pretty miserable these past months, but I’m not going to stand in his way if this is what he wants.
“Really?”
He looks completely shocked, so shocked it makes me wonder exactly how he thought I was going to react to the news.
My eyes fall on Lainey, and suddenly I get it—why she was invited to guy’s night and why Duncan said he wanted to tell us all together. He thought I’d kick up less of a stink if Lainey was around. Bloody hell, I hope he’s not getting ideas about me and Lainey hooking up now that he’s into Cass.
“She’s good for you, you know,” Duncan says.
“We’re friends,” I growl, glaring at him.
“Didn’t think you were anything else, mate.”
When I look back at Duncan, he seems to be telling the truth. Well, he’ll be disappointed if he isn’t. I might have realised Lainey is gorgeous, but I meant what I said to Duncan about being done with relationships. I’m over them. And Lainey… well, she’s a romantic. She believes in happy ever afters. At least she did before things went south with Lucas. If she ever gets over him, she’ll be looking for a new happily ever after—something I want no part of.
“I just meant that you look less like someone pissed in your cornflakes,” Duncan says, slapping me on the back before moving to the other pool table to talk to Cass and Seb.
When Lainey sees that Duncan and I have stopped talking, she moves back to join me.
“Whose turn is it?” she asks.
“Mine,” I reply as I grab my cue and aim for one of the bigs on the table.
I sink one of her balls, and the white ball. Fuck.
“Are you okay?” she asks me quietly.
As my eyes meet hers, I wonder if she’s aware of what her role is supposed to be tonight—the role of peacemaker. I want to be annoyed at her and at Duncan for it, but the truth is, I do feel better with Lainey here.
Annoyingly, Duncan might be right. Being friends with Lainey has probably been good for me. I still feel angry and bitter about my break-up with Amber, but it’s not all I think about anymore. And if I’m not mistaken, I think Lainey feels a little better, too. At least she says she’s writing again.
“I’m fine,” I tell her. “Or I would be if I could shoot straight.”
“I’m not worried about that. The fact you’re not shooting straight is very good for me.”
I can’t help but grin at her comment. “Is that so?”
“Indeed!” she declares, lining up her next shot.
I don’t get another turn. Lainey sinks all her balls in the next few shots, letting out a whoop when she sinks the black ball at the right time and wins the game.
“I am awesome!” she shouts.
“Modest, too,” I retort.
“Hey, there are two things I’m moderately good at, playing pool and writing. That means I don’t get many bragging rights.” She’s standing right in front of me now, her finger tapping my chest as she looks at me playfully. “Don’t try to take them away from me, okay?”
She looks so happy that I decide to skip the lecture on the importance of humility and just agree with her. Besides, she’s too close to me right now, and the soft floral essence she’s wearing is stirring up more X-rated thoughts.
“I think you owe me the chance to redeem myself,” I say, stepping back. “Let’s play again.”
She bites her lower lip and tries to look like she’s seriously contemplating it. “Hmm, I guess I can give you one more chance.”
She’s halfway through setting up the second game when she’s distracted by the sight of Duncan and Cass making out. It’s only because I’m watching her in that second that I see the pain whip across her features. After a moment, she turns back to our table to finish setting up the game.
I never asked her if she was okay. This announcement that Duncan and Cass made tonight has to be just as hard on her as it is on me; she’s still getting over her break-up with Lucas. And yet I haven’t asked her how she feels about Cass and Duncan being in a relationship. I’ve been so focused on my anger that I’ve forgotten to look out for my friend.
“Are you okay?” I ask, moving closer to her again and doing my best to ignore the sweet scent of her perfume.
She gives me a sad smile. “I was going to talk to you about that.”
“You were? I know I should have asked you earlier, but Duncan said you’re happy for the two of them and I just took him at his word.”
“I am happy for the two of them. Cass is happy, and I’m happy for her.”
“But…?”
“I realised something earlier. Before you and Seb arrived, I was watching Cass and Duncan together and…” She takes a deep breath. “I realised no one has ever looked at me the way Duncan looks at Cass.”
The hurt and sorrow in her voice hits me square in the gut and I don’t know how to respond exactly. Also, I find it kind of surprising no one has ever looked at Lainey that way.
“Obviously, Lucas didn’t because he was never in love with me,” she continues, her voice wavering. “But none of the guys I dated before him looked at me like that, either. I don’t think any of my previous boyfriends have ever been in love with me.”
For a romantic like Lainey, I can only imagine what that thought is doing to her.
“Then they’re all idiots.”
She laughs a little, but I can hear the sadness behind it. “I bent over backwards for all of them, Ben. Not just Lucas. I did all the things they wanted me to. I tried so damn hard with every one of them. In the end, none of them loved me for it. Not Lucas, not any of them.”
The rejection is written all over her face, and it bothers me so much that I find myself leaning my pool cue against the table and putting my hands on her shoulders. It feels strange being this close to her, staring down into her face as I stroke her shoulders with my thumbs. I prefer to stay out of people’s space and have them stay out of mine. But I need to touch Lainey right now. I have to comfort her.
“But I’m done with that,” she continues. “At least, I want to be done with it. I don’t want to go into my next relationship obsessing over pleasing the guy I’m with and hoping it’s enough for him—that I’m enough for him. I’m trying to take a page out of your book and stop caring so much what people think. What men think. But it’s not easy. I think I might need some help—someone to keep me on task.”
A smile tugs at my lips. “You want me to teach you how to be a selfish arsehole.”
She laughs. “I don’t want to be a selfish arsehole. I just want to… think about myself first for once. I want to emulate your carefree attitude.”
“Then listen to me, Lainey.” I pull her even closer, our gazes holding. “You need to forget about those clowns you’ve dated in the past. They’re not worth another thought. And you need to do what you want and make yourself happy. Be a lone wolf like me and put yourself first. And if a guy comes along after you’re over Lucas, and he gets you and appreciates you, and looks at you the way you want him to, then maybe—maybe—you give him a chance. But only if he pleases you. Only if he deserves you. Until then, you have Cass and you have me.” I gesture to Seb and Duncan. “You have all of us. You’re not alone.”
She studies me intensely for a moment, blinking those big green eyes at me, and then she smiles. “Thanks, Teach.”
“You’re welcome.”
I actually want to hug her, wrap my arms around her and hold her against me. The only thing stopping me from giving in to the insanely strong urge is the knowledge that hugging her will probably feel far too good. So, I squeeze her shoulders gently and let her go. She walks away from me, taunting me about kicking my butt at pool last game and that she’s going to do it again.
Seeing Lainey happier than she was a moment ago makes me feel lighter. Having her around makes me feel better, and I make her feel better, too. I never feel like a hopeless loser around Lainey. Instead, I feel… important to her.
It might be the first time in my life anyone’s made me feel that way.