❤️Mac❤️
"What?"
"I said I'm in love with you, Mackenzie."
I shake my head, attempting to find the right words, but they elude me. Ryan leans in slowly, his hand brushing a lock of hair off my forehead before gently tucking it behind my ear. His eyes, a captivating shade of green, draw me in.
"Have dinner with me tonight."
His voice, low and captivating, and I shiver in response. I'm at a loss for what to say. In the face of his declaration of love, every defence I had built against him crumbles away.
"Mac?"
The tenderness and warmth in his voice leave me breathless. He's waiting for my response, but the words evade me. Is this how he felt when I confessed my love to him?
"This is... I'm truly surprised."
"You're not the only one," Ryan says, before chuckling softly. "I've tried to avoid feeling like this about anyone, but I just couldn't avoid it with you. I've fallen so hard for you, Mac. I know it screws up everything. I know the risks you have to take if we decide to be together, but I want it. I want it so much. I want you and me. Together. I've never wanted anything more."
"The risks," I repeat, my mind grappling with the weight of his words.
For the past few weeks, even months, I’ve done everything I can to keep it together, to not fall apart – to prioritize my job over my emotions.
"Aren't you glad you don't have to choose between following your heart and keeping your job?"
Despite the initial doubts, Jazz had been right—a small blessing in disguise. When I believed Ryan didn't share my feelings, focusing on my work became the only option. Now that he's offered everything I've secretly wished for, my mind whirls with questions. Can we navigate a relationship when our boss is vehemently against it? Will Ryan be able to shed his womanizing ways for me?
"I understand. Your job is at stake. Trust me, I get it. All I'm asking for is a chance to discuss it with you, to explore the situation and determine if we can make this work. The path we choose from here is in your hands. I just want to talk, that's all."
He makes it sound simple—a conversation, a dinner. But dinner may lead to sex. And sex will lead to more. The kind of more that makes my insides quiver with anticipation. My body is still thrumming from the intensity of the kiss we just shared on stage. As if reading my mind Ryan’s eyes darken and his gaze drops to my lips.
I never stopped wanting him, not even after we had sex in my kitchen. Ryan had warned me that one time wouldn't be enough, and how right he was!
But you only wanted to limit sex to one time because you were worried that sleeping with him would make you fall in love with him. Idiot. We only slept together once, but I've fallen in love with him anyway. And it seems he's in love with you too.
The thought makes my head spin harder. My first instinct is to deny it, but why would he lie? He has to be telling the truth. Nothing else would explain why he isn't running from this, or from me.
"Please, Mac."
It is the desperation in his voice that makes me nod my head slowly. "Okay."
Ryan's face splits into a smile as he draws a breath and lets his forehead rest gently against mine. "Thank you."
It's just dinner, I remind myself as my nerves and doubts kick into high gear. Dinner that could lead to sex and a relationship with Australia's Romeo, and the end of my career.
"We should get back to the set," I say, trying to shut out the voices in my head, more aware than ever that we are alone in a dark hallway.
He pulls his head away from mine and studies me. For a moment, I think he is about to kiss me, but he doesn't. Thank God.
"I can't go back to the set yet," he says.
"Ryan-" My heart beats so loudly I can hear it in my ears.
"I know. I might just wait another minute or two before I go back. I almost lost it up there, Mac. If Mitch hadn't stopped us, I have no idea just how far I would have gone."
And I have no idea just how far I would have let him go because when Ryan's hands and mouth are on me, I'm not very good at thinking straight. Note to self: keep your distance tonight. Close proximity to the man prevents all logical and rational thought.
"We'll be fine this time," I say, with more confidence than I feel. "We just can't forget where we are again."
"It's not that I forget where we are. It's that I don't know how to stop."
I blush as his dark eyes catch mine and hold them in place, and I know that if I don't get out of there now, he'll kiss me again and all hell will break loose.
"I'm going to go back to the set. I'll see you in a few minutes."
I start to walk away, but Ryan catches my arm.
"Come to my place for dinner tonight, after work. I'll cook."
"I'm shooting a late scene with Vanessa and Brad. I won't be able to make it until around nine."
"No worries. I don't mind a late dinner."
I nod, and he grins at me. I return his grin and force myself to walk away. Hesitation and doubts are still churning inside me, but honestly, I'm thrilled too. Ryan wants to cook for me. I've never had a man cook for me before. Besides, I'm also looking forward to seeing the inside of his apartment, which is the envy of all our friends.
If I start a relationship with him, I remind myself, we will be seeing the inside of each other's places a lot more. We certainly won't be able to go out in public without our every move being splashed across the front page of every magazine in the nation.
The danger is still there. And I can't afford to forget that.
The question is: how do I keep my head on straight when all I can think about is how much I want him to touch me?
✯Ryan✯
"I'm thinking about heading to Manny's tonight. You in? It's been too long since I've beaten you at pool."
Even if I hadn't already made plans with Mac, I'm not sure if I’d take Brad up on his offer. Like Mac, Brad has hardly spoken to me over the past three weeks, unless it's to criticize me about something. Yet he waltzes into my dressing room today and invites me out to play pool as if he never threatened to end our friendship three weeks ago.
The invitation is completely unexpected, but I don't have the energy to figure out what's behind it. My mind is filled with thoughts of Mac and our dinner tonight. After our on-stage kiss—which took another two takes before our director deemed it acceptable—Mac headed straight to her dressing room.
Despite my desire to follow her, I held back. I want to wait until we have some privacy before we start talking about this.
"I can't tonight," I say.
"Why not?" Brad raises an eyebrow. "Hot date?"
"I have plans."
"Plans with Mac?"
I look at him warily. Here it comes—the reason behind his invitation.
"Jazz thinks you've lost it," Brad says. "Apparently, you offered Mac some kind of serious relationship thing? I told her she must have dreamt it. The Ryan Moore I know doesn't do commitment."
'Serious relationship thing'? What did Mac say to Jazz? And what did Jazz tell Brad? It doesn't really matter. It won't deter me from pursuing what I want. If Mac decides she doesn't want a relationship with me after all, I will respect her decision, but I won't stand here and listen to Brad berate me for pursuing the one woman I've unexpectedly fallen in love with.
Neither Brad nor Jazz has any idea how I feel about Mac or how important she is to me.
"I thought you were trying to stay away from her, man," Brad says.
"Yep, I was."
"What happened?"
What's the point of keeping it to myself? Obviously, they're all talking. Keeping secrets from my castmates is nearly impossible. And maybe if Brad hears why I want to be with Mac, he'll shut up and leave me alone.
"I fell in love with her."
"You're kidding."
I remain silent.
"Are you fucking serious? You think you're in love."
"I don't think. I know."
"You hate love."
"I never said that."
"You hate committed relationships. I distinctly remember you saying that. You said they only lead to disappointment, bitterness, and resentment."
"Maybe I changed my mind."
"Maybe you changed your mind? That's a major turnaround, Romeo."
"Are we done, or are you going to try to throw a punch and warn me away from her?"
"Geez, you're touchy. Is it that time of the month for you or what?"
"I just don't need you lecturing me today about how I should stay away from her. You've already made it clear that our friendship is over if I hurt her."
Brad raises his hands in surrender. "I come in peace."
"Bullshit. You're here because Jazz has been filling your ear with something neither of you really understands."
"So, tell me about it. You want to be with Mac?"
"These past few weeks have been the worst of my life. I've been in hell—just because she put a little distance between us. I couldn't eat or sleep. I messed up on set twice last week, and I screwed up when I had to kiss Mac on set today. I couldn't stop kissing her."
"I heard about that."
I don't bother asking who he heard it from. It could have been anyone. The cast and crew all gossip among themselves.
"My point is, I'm a mess without her in my life."
"But she is in your life. You have to work together. And it's not just about Blainesworth potentially finding out and firing Mac. Remember the expression, 'don't shit where you eat'? We've both slept with people we work with before, and it was a nightmare when it ended."
"Maybe it will work out between Mac and me."
"Yeah, and maybe pigs will fly, and I'll become best friends with a unicorn. You can't do this. It's going to ruin everything. It won't last."
"You don't know that."
"Come on, Romeo. Wake up and smell the coffee. Relationships that start on a TV show like this don't last. When Brianna and Stone are finished, when Hart's Valley is over, it will be the end for the two of you. I'm begging you not to go through with this."
I sigh and run a hand through my hair. "I don't think I can work with her and not be with her."
"Sure you can. We'll go out. You'll find another beautiful woman like you always do. You'll get over Mac. She'll get over you. You guys can go back to being friends. Everyone can be happy."
My friend is living in a fantasy world.
"If I don't pursue this thing with Mac, or if she decides she doesn't want this, I'm leaving the show. I'm out. I can't do it."
"Of course you can. You're one of the best actors in the business. It will be hard, but you'll manage."
"I don't want to manage. I don't want to see Mac every day, knowing I can't be with her, feeling the way I feel right now."
"Blainesworth won't let you go easily," Brad says, changing tactics. "You'll be in breach of contract. He could sue you, or worse, he could blackball you from getting another role. Think this through, man. What would you do if you weren't one of Australia's favourite TV stars, Romeo? Acting is the only thing I've ever seen you truly passionate about. I can't picture you working at the McDonald's down the street. Can you?"
"Of course not. I've saved up some money over the years. Maybe I could produce something. Or write something."
"You have no idea what it takes to do either of those things."
"Then I'll learn. We once talked about making a movie together."
"We were joking."
"Whatever. I'll figure something out."
"You, my friend, have lost it."
"Maybe I have. What I feel for Mac... it's crazy."
Eventually, Brad runs out of arguments as he stands there and stares at me. After what feels like a full minute of silence, he finally speaks again. "You really are in love with her."
I almost laugh. Despite the fact that I've been telling him that for the past ten minutes, Brad sounds stunned.
"Yes. I'm really in love with her."
"Shit," Brad says, plopping down on the couch in my dressing room.
"Yeah."
"You know this is going to be the biggest mistake of your life—a shit-storm of epic proportions. You're about to screw up your life big time."
But Brad's tone has softened now, and I can sense a hint of concern in his words.
"Probably," I shrug.
"I know I gave you a hard time about this, but maybe there's no other way. Maybe you do need to give things a try with Mac."
I can't help but let a grin spread across my face. Is Brad actually giving me his approval?
"I can't see how it could possibly work out," Brad continues.
"But you're not completely against it?"
"I didn't say that."
I continue grinning as I raise an eyebrow at him.
"I don't want to end our friendship over this. That's what I'm saying," Brad says, rubbing a hand over his face. "And if you truly love Mac—"
"I do."
"Then... I guess I hope it works out for the two of you."
"Me too," I say, plopping down on the couch beside him.
"But if you break her heart, I'm still going to kick your arse."
"You have my full permission to do so if I mess this up."
"As if I need your permission," Brad scoffs.
"You're a good friend, to both Mac and me."
"Don't let it get to your head, but I've kinda missed you these past few weeks."
"Aww, shucks."
"Shut up. I know you've missed me too." We fall into comfortable silence for a moment.
"I feel like we should have a beer right now to toast your downfall," Brad says eventually.
"Another time?"
"I guess it'll have to be. What's the plan with Mac tonight?"
"She's coming over for dinner after she finishes shooting her scene with you and Vanessa. I'm cooking."
"I hope she's a fan of spaghetti on toast then."
"Real funny, McDay. I make a mean Carbonara sauce."
"You better hope so. If she knows what's good for her, she'll turn you down."
"Then I guess I better hope my Carbonara sauce is too irresistible for her to resist."
"Yeah, you better hope so."
❤️Mac❤️
"I'm so sorry."
After shooting my scene with Brad and Vanessa, I was in such a hurry to leave the set that I walked straight into someone on my way out.
"Mackenzie," Blainesworth says heartily as I step back. "I'm pleased to introduce you to our newest member of the Hart's Valley cast, Lyndel Craig. Lyndel, this is Mackenzie Lauren."
As I regain my focus, I take in the sight of the stunning blonde in front of me. Lyndel Craig? The actress who starred alongside Brad and Ryan on Wild Horses? Lyndel Craig's character had been involved in a scandalously hot romance with Ryan's character in the first season. After landing a role on the American daytime soap, The Rich and the Cunning, she had left the show.
"I used to watch you on Wild Horses," I say. "It's great to meet you."
Lyndel smiles politely, but her brown eyes are blank, and she makes no attempt to continue our conversation.
"We're going to be having a small welcome party on Friday night on the executive level. A formal introduction will be given to all the staff," Blainesworth tells me. "Lyndel was just hoping to have an early reunion with her Wild Horses co-stars."
"Brad's around," I say.
"And Ryan?" Lyndel asks immediately.
There is a slightly possessive note in her voice that forms a knot in my gut.
"Ah, here comes Brad now," Blainesworth says. "I'll leave you two to catch up while I speak with Mitch."
"Brad!" Lyndel cries before throwing herself at him.
Well, the greeting Brad received is certainly warmer than the greeting I received. Is Lyndel always so cool with people she doesn't know?
"Lyndel," Brad says with a grin as he pulls back to look at her. "What are you doing here?"
"Meet the newest member of Hart's Valley," Lyndel says, doing a little twirl.
"You're joining the show?"
Lyndel nods. "Your producer was looking for someone who'd fit in with all of you. He thought I was perfect for the part. After all, you and I work well together, and Ryan and I have great chemistry. Speaking of Ry... where is he? He always used to stay late on set."
"Nope," Brad shifts his weight awkwardly from one foot to the other. "He went home early tonight. He has a date he wants to impress."
My stomach flips at the word "date". Does Brad know I'm meeting Ryan tonight?
"Oh," Lyndel's disappointment is evident. "I was really looking forward to catching up. He's going to flip when he sees me."
"He probably will," Brad replies.
"Is he seeing someone then?" she asks.
"I don't know. I think it's pretty new."
"It'll never last. Relationships with Ryan never do," Lyndel says, a tight smile on her lips.
"You never know," Brad says tersely. He glances at me before turning his gaze back to Lyndel. "I'm assuming you've been introduced to Mac?"
Lyndel shoots me a look. "Is it Mac or Mackenzie?" she asks.
"Mackenzie, but my friends call me Mac." I try to smile at her.
"Mac is a guy's name, isn't it?" A cool smile plays on Lyndel's lips as she quirks her eyebrow.
I have the distinct impression that Lyndel Craig is looking down her nose at me.
"Sometimes," I shrug. "I like it, though."
"You used to work on Junction Hospital, right?"
"Yeah."
"Mmm."
Though Lyndel's verbal acknowledgement is minimal, judging by the expression on her face, she must have heard about what happened on Junction Hospital. So news of it had spread overseas too. I can practically hear her thoughts now – so, this is the actress who was fired for her meltdown after getting dumped by Danny Westlaker.
If Lyndel wasn't looking down her nose at me before, she definitely is now.
There are many people in the industry who would look at me the same way. Maybe I deserve their judgment. After the incident, I received plenty of criticism that I was a below-average actress because I wasn't able to conceal my heartbreak.
Brad told me not so long ago that I needed to toughen up against things like that. After all, my past is not something I can fix or change. Enduring professional criticism is something I shouldn't complain about. And yet Hart's Valley has always been my place of safety. Everyone here accepted me in their own ways – faulty past and all. Lyndel Craig, it seems, does not.
I have always found it easy enough to get along with people, and while gaining a new cast member is always exciting, I'm not feeling too happy about the other woman's arrival. It doesn't help that Lyndel seems far too keen to see Ryan again.
The two of them shared some serious chemistry on Wild Horses. It doesn't take much imagination to think about them taking all that chemistry off set and climbing into bed together. The knot in my gut grows bigger.
"Will you tell Ry I said hi and that I'm excited to be working with him again?" Lyndel asks Brad.
"I'll tell him."
"Great. I'll see you Friday," Lyndel says before she walks away.
"Friday?" Brad repeats to me.
"Proper welcome for our newest cast member," I explain.
"Well, that was unexpected," Brad says.
"Happy?" I ask, making sure no one else is around. "You liked working with her?"
"I always got along well with her. So did Romeo."
"Did he...? Were they... together?"
"Ah..."
Brad is wearing that deer-caught-in-headlights look, which can only mean one thing. Not a good sign. I shut my eyes briefly as a wave of jealousy rushes over me. The insecurity and possessiveness I feel now remind me of how I felt about Danny when we were together.
I had never been prone to jealousy before Danny. Jealousy is an ugly emotion and one that doesn't have a place in my profession. However, my relationship with my ex had been born out of a spark on stage, and when I watched that same spark flare between Danny and Angel, I had been slightly concerned.
Initially, Danny denied everything, but within weeks of our conversation, he dumped me. Being swapped for another leading lady is something I never want to experience again. And that itself makes me want to run from the idea of a relationship with Ryan altogether.
Ryan said he loved me, and I have no good reason to doubt his words, but there will always be temptation, especially in our line of work. If he starts hooking up with Lyndel on stage and their spark is reignited, it can potentially lead to something off-set too.
I promised myself I would never end up in the same place again. Yet I know that by dating Ryan, history has a huge chance of repeating itself.
"You're best off asking Ryan about that. You're heading over to his place for dinner now, right?"
"You know? About our... date?"
"Yes."
I wait for Brad to continue – wait for his imminent lecture to come. I am being silly. This will be the end of my career. That is what he should be telling me, but instead, Brad just stands there, watching me, waiting for me to say something.
"It's a bad idea, isn't it? I shouldn't have said yes."
"It's a bad idea, yes," he says.
"I know. You're right. I should cancel-"
"But," Brad interrupts. "It's real for him, Mac. This thing between you is the biggest thing I've ever seen happen to him. He loves you."
"But it can't work, can it?" I ask helplessly.
"Chances are that it won't, yet I find myself desperately hoping that you two find a way to defy the odds and surprise me."
"I don't know what I'm doing," I admit. "I don't know what I should do."
"Mac, you need to tell him this, not me."
"But I need advice. I want... what he's offering me, but I'm so scared of history repeating itself, even more so now with Lyndel turning up."
"Okay, firstly, he never really felt anything for Lyndel, except a desire to sleep with her. I can tell you that as a red-blooded male, we want to sleep with every half-decent looking woman out there. So, I wouldn't call it a big deal. What Ryan feels for you is something big enough to make him consider quitting Hart's Valley."
"What?" My eyes widen.
"Don't tell Ryan I told you," Brad says. "Let's just say you're not the only one worrying about how this will affect you long-term. Love is a new emotion for him and it's kind of messing with him a bit. It's knocking him for six."
I am trying to absorb what Brad is saying, but I am still reeling from the shock of his words. Ryan really thought about quitting? But what about his contract? What about Hart's Valley?
"Secondly," Brad continues. "You don't need my advice. You know what's at risk, and now you need to work out whether the pros outweigh the cons. I think maybe you should have some faith that you can deal with this. You're not the same inexperienced actor that you were on Junction Hospital. I know the whole thing with Danny was a mess, but is running from this thing with Romeo really going to make it any easier?"
"I'm not running."
The lie is out before I can think better of it. Brad raises an eyebrow.
"Come on. You were thinking about it."
"I... okay, yes, I was." It's the truth. I was thinking about it.
"How about you run to dinner instead? You'll be late otherwise, and Romeo is probably thinking you've stood him up."
I open my mouth to tell him that that isn't the case, but the look on Brad's face is stern.
"Mac," he says, as I begin to walk away. "If you do decide the cons outweigh the pros, don't break his heart too bad."
✯Ryan✯
I look at the clock. It's nine-thirty, and Mac still hasn't shown up yet. She wouldn't stand me up, would she? Shooting often runs over the allotted time, but I am beginning to worry.
At nine-thirty-five, my phone rings on the kitchen counter. I race to get it, thinking it's Mac. But it's only Brad.
"What's going on, MacDay? Have you guys finished shooting yet?"
"Yeah, we finished. I've just said goodbye to Mac."
Relief washes through me. So Mac hasn't changed her mind. The last scene of the day just ran over time.
"Great, thanks for letting me know."
"That's not why I'm calling. Listen, Romeo, you owe me one."
"What are you talking about?"
"Mac was thinking about cancelling. Lucky for you, I'm such a great friend. I talked her out of running."
A moment ago, I was relieved. Now I feel disappointed and let down. So Mac had been planning to cancel on me after all? After she had agreed to the evening so we could talk things over, and needed Brad to talk her into coming? It doesn't bode well for me, does it?
"You there?" Brad asks.
"Yeah, I'm here."
"I don't think she had any intention of cancelling until our new cast member showed up on set."
"New cast member?"
"Lyndel is back from the U.S."
"Lyndel's back?"
"Yup. And she made it clear she was extremely disappointed you weren't on set. She's very excited to catch up with you, Romeo."
I groan and cover my face with my hand. Sleeping with Lyndel Craig had been a huge mistake. A mistake I only made once, but a mistake nonetheless. She had made it clear she wanted more from me than I was willing to give, so I had ignored her constant attempts to get me into bed. Unfortunately, on the night of her going away party, I drank too much and wound up sleeping with her.
"Did Mac ask about her?"
"She did, and I told her to talk to you about it."
"She's going to think the worst."
"I didn't know what to tell her, Romeo, and I don't want to be stuck in the middle. But she knows something happened. She's scared you're going to pull a Westlaker, and history is going to repeat itself with Lyndel."
"Did she say that?"
"She did. You should talk to her about it. If you want a relationship, the two of you need to learn how to talk to each other. That's what relationships are about, after all – lots of blabbing and a general lack of sex. You sure you want one?"
I laugh. "With Mac, yes."
"She should be there soon. And I mean it, you owe me for stepping in."
"I'll give you the leading role in my movie."
"Make the leading lady Emma Stone, and I'll be happy."
"No promises on that front."
Brad laughs. "I'm going. Good luck."
"Thanks."
I end the call and put the phone back on the bench beside me, torn between annoyance and worry. Annoyed that Mac thinks I might pull a Westlaker on her, and worried because I know it will be hard for her to start a relationship if that was what she thinks I’m going to do.
I have to take Brad's advice. Mac and I need to learn to talk to each other – be honest with how we feel. It is the only way a relationship will work between us.
When I hear the knock on the door and feel my heart rate skyrocket, I remind myself we need to talk. Before we go to bed together again, there are things we have to discuss. As I pull the door open and see her standing there in a little black dress, eyes smoky, and lips pink and pouty, I realize just how much willpower that is going to take.