Lights, Camera, Kiss Me: Episode 6

Take Me Home

Photo by Chalo Garcia on Unsplash

❤️Mac❤️

I rummage through my wardrobe for the perfect outfit for this evening. I’m not sure what I’m looking for until my eyes rest upon the royal blue dress I bought with Jazz a few weeks ago. Its rich blue matches my eyes, and the silk fabric feels nice against my skin in the summer heat. The large dip between my breasts makes it more revealing than the outfits I usually wear, but I know I look good in it.

If Ryan's bringing a date tonight, I'll need that extra boost of confidence. Besides, I plan to go out afterwards. Hopefully, Jazz and Vanessa are in the mood for clubbing.

Ever since I heard about the kiss in next week’s script, there’s been a ticking time-bomb hanging over my head. Whenever I think about it, longing and need clutch at me. I can’t shake off the fantasies about what it will be like. I want that kiss too much. I want to kiss him too much. I’m starting to see I might need my own distraction, someone to take the edge off the desire I feel for my off-limits co-star. If Ryan can date and sleep his way through the whole of Melbourne, why can’t I do the same?

I mean, how long has it been since I’ve been with a man? The desire for physical intimacy is making me restless and edgy. And since sleeping with the person making me feel all these things is not an option, I’ll have to come up with another plan. Although Jazz has offered to help set me up with another friend, nothing has come of it yet. And I’ve been far too busy with work to devote time to finding Mr Right, or even Mr Right-Now.

I need to take matters into my own hands. A one-night stand is something everyone does at least once, isn’t it? It’s not my thing, but tonight I want to get laid. I open my bedside drawer and find the still unopened box of condoms. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry over the fact that they expire in less than a month. I toss them quickly into my handbag before heading out the door.

I arrive at the restaurant five minutes late. As if dragged by some magnetic force, my eyes are drawn automatically to where Ryan is sitting. He’s chatting with the blonde next to him, oblivious to my presence. I stand there for a moment in the doorway, drinking in the sight of his masculine perfection. On set, he fills out the suit he wears to perfection. Tonight he sits in a casual green t-shirt with white stripes, looking good enough to make my heart flutter.

My gaze shifts to the woman beside him. I knew seeing Ryan with a date would be challenging. Just hearing about his new relationship had been difficult enough. But witnessing them together? I hadn't truly grasped how painful it would be until this moment. My heart aches as I watch him smile at her.

As if sensing my gaze, Ryan turns to meet my eyes. Fearing his reaction to seeing me here tonight, I quickly avert my gaze and make my way through the bustling restaurant to the table where our group is seated. It's in a secluded corner, and Gino, the owner, always reserves it for us when we dine here.

“Maccas!” Brad exclaims as he stands and gives me a hug. “Far out! You look freaking amazing.”

“Thank you,” I say, smiling at him.

Jazz hugs me so tightly that I fear I might turn as blue as my dress. As everyone else greets me warmly, some of the tension leaves my body. However, when Ryan hugs me, the tension returns. I don’t meet his eyes as I lean into him, feeling the warmth of his embrace. Try as I might to shut out the torrent of emotions, I fail miserably – the yearning from him is overwhelming. Panic and fear claw at me as I wonder if I’ve made a mistake coming tonight.

No, Mac. You will not stay home and be miserable.

“Mac, this is Cindy-Sue,” Ryan says to me, introducing his date.

I smile politely at the woman. There is one upside to Ryan bringing a date tonight, and that is no-one will be able to talk about next week’s kiss between Stone and Brianna. Under the confidentiality clause we all signed before working on the show, none of us are allowed to discuss anything related to Hart’s Valley off the set. Of course we gossip about things – everyone does — but only among the six of us. The first episode of the new season airs this week, and if the press gets word of Stone and Brianna’s new romantic plot before the show goes to air, we will all be in trouble.  

“Cindy-Sue, this is Mackenzie Lauren,” Ryan says.

“Mackenzie, I am such a fan. Please call me Cindy,” Cindy says, extending her hand. “When Ryan told me he was having dinner with the rest of the cast I begged him to bring me. He said you weren’t coming, but I’m so glad you did.”

I don’t know what I expected Ryan’s date to be like, but it isn’t this sweet and genuine woman in front of me. Apart from being warm and friendly, Cindy is also startlingly attractive, with big green eyes, and shoulder length blonde hair that curls slightly at the ends. It would have been easier for me to see Ryan with someone else, someone fake and superficial.

Someone he would get tired of quickly and wouldn’t keep around. Will Cindy be hanging around for a while?

My heart twists again, a sensation that is becoming increasingly familiar when it comes to Ryan. I loathe that feeling. I’m not supposed to feel possessive of a man who doesn’t belong to me. Even as I shake Cindy’s hand, envy winds around my chest and squeezes until I struggle to breathe. It doesn’t matter if Cindy and Ryan only last three months. It will still be more time than I will ever have with him.

“And you can call me Mac,” I say to her as I take my seat between Jazz and Matt, opposite Ryan.

I pick up the menu and scan the list of alcoholic beverages available. I bypass the wine and go straight for the cocktail. I need something stronger tonight. I need liquid courage and a chance to forget the man opposite me.

I turn to Jazz. “I was thinking about hitting a club tonight. Are you up for it?”

My best friend looks surprised for a second, before that surprise quickly turns to excitement. “Hell yes. I’ve been asking you to come clubbing with me forever.”

“I know,” I say.

“You didn’t even want to come out to dinner when I asked you about it. What gives?”

I think about the condoms sitting in my handbag. “I need…a distraction.”

“Distraction from what?” Matt asks.

Suddenly aware of Ryan’s eyes burning a hole in my head, I shrug. “My boredom.”

“Can I come?” Matt asks.

“Count me in,” Brad says. “You know I’d never say no to a chance to dance.”

“You mean to score,” Matt corrects him.

Great. I was hoping that tonight would end up being a girl’s night, but now Matt and Brad will both be coming.

“You in?” I ask Vanessa.

“Sure,” Vanessa says. “I won’t make it a late one since I need to be in the studio first thing in the morning, but I’ll come out for a couple of hours.”

“Excellent,” I nod.

An awkward silence descends as I go back to studying my menu. I haven’t asked Ryan and Cindy if they wanted to join us. Honestly, I don’t want them to, not when the distraction I need is from Ryan himself. But as the silence grows around the table, so does my guilt. I know that if I don’t extend them an offer now, my friends will start to wonder. Hopefully Ryan will say no.

“Do you guys, um, want to join us?”

“We’d love to,” Cindy says to me, looking relieved. “I mean, if you don’t mind us tagging along.”

I give her a strained smile and lie through my teeth. “No, I don’t mind.”

“Providing Ryan wants to go of course,” Cindy says, darting a look at Ryan.

I turn back to my menu, and hold my breath as I wait for his answer. Please say no. Please say no. Please say no.

“What could be more fun than helping Mac find a distraction?” Ryan asks.

The way he said distraction implies he knows exactly what kind I am looking for. He had, after all, used the same phrase to refer to the women he was sleeping with.

My eyes snap to his face. Is he making fun of me? However, instead of the amusement I expect to see, Ryan’s eyes are hard and cold. His jaw is clenched shut and his displeasure is obvious. Well, that’s too bad for him, isn’t it? If he can have his distraction, so can I. I need it.

“Would you like to order some drinks?” a waiter asks.

---

✯Ryan✯

The evening is shaping up to be an absolute shocker. I listen to Mac order a Screaming Orgasm and flirt with our waiter, giggling and batting her eyelashes —it is so unlike her. She is being incredibly foolish tonight. I can see that she is intent on doing something downright stupid and I know I’m going to spend my evening keeping an eye on her and making sure she doesn’t get herself in trouble.

She’s damn well dressed for trouble too. Aside from the fact that the dress she’s wearing shows off so much of her sun-kissed skin, the dip between her breasts is wreaking havoc on my ability to concentrate on anything else. Ever since she sat down in front of me, my imagination has spun one fantasy after another. The thought of getting my mouth and hands under that short little dress of hers and pleasuring her until she sobs my name has me as hard as a rock. It doesn’t matter how I adjust myself, my jeans are too painfully tight.

“Exactly what kind of distraction are you looking for?” Matt asks Mac.

“Just some fun, right?” Jazz says.

“Sure,” Mac dismisses their questions.

It is on the tip of my tongue to call her out on her real intentions. Instead, I just tell her the truth. “Distractions don’t work for very long.”

Mac blushes as she catches my meaning, but not before she looks at Cindy-Sue and shoots me a pointed look. I guess I can’t blame her for assuming that a distraction might work. I’ve slept with a multitude of women over the past month, hoping to dull my desire for her. None of the encounters had done the job. If Mac thinks Cindy is any type of real distraction, she’s wrong.

The only reason I brought Cindy here tonight is because I thought introducing a new girlfriend might make everyone lay off me a bit. They’ve been puzzled and annoyed over the fact that I’ve stayed away so much this year. Only Brad knows the real reason, but it’s not like staying away from Mac has changed anything. In fact, my need for her has only intensified.

When I read the script for next episode of Hart’s Valley, I was torn between a mixture of relief and dread; relief that I can finally kiss her and touch her, and dread that I may not be able to stop at just the one kiss that’s in the script. I don’t know how much longer I can fight my attraction to her. I’m not even sure I want to keep fighting it.

Working under the same roof as her, day in, day out, while trying to suppress my feelings, is taking its toll on me. Last year we lunched together regularly and hung out together between every take. The truth is, I really, really miss Mac’s company.

The combination of desire and friendship I feel towards her is more than I’ve ever experienced with anyone else. Now, hearing that she wants to find some kind of distraction from me? The words, “hell no” keep flashing in my mind. I don’t want her to be distracted by anyone else. And that is the most dangerous thought I’ve had all night. 

---

❤️Mac❤️

“We should go to Heat,” Matt says.

“No way, we should go to Twister,” Brad says.

“Doll’s House is my preferred choice,” Vanessa adds.

“Mac should choose,” Jazz interjects. “Where do you want to go, Mac?”

I finish my fourth Screaming Orgasm and put the glass back down on the table, almost knocking over Jazz’s glass in the process. My vision is tracking everything a little too slowly, and I feel dizzy. Instead of drinking enough to bolster the right amount of courage for later, I’ve gone too hard too fast. As usual I’m a lightweight at drinking, going from sober to drunk in the blink of an eye—minus the happy feeling I’d anticipated.

It serves me right, I suppose, for relying on alcohol to make me feel confident. I believed that it would numb my feeling of jealousy over seeing Ryan with someone else, but it hasn’t worked yet. I’m a fool—a pathetic, drunken fool. A fool who can’t stop thinking about the kiss I will share with my co-star in a matter of days, despite the fact I still don’t have my feelings for him under control.

Now my friends want to know which club I want to go to, but I don’t want to go clubbing anymore. I’m too drunk, too miserable, to enjoy myself tonight.

“Mac?” Jazz prompts.  

“The Spice Club,” I say, giving them the first name I can think of.

A chorus of agreement follows. I try not to think about the long walk I have to take home from the Spice Club. It will be some kind of miracle if I can walk out of here without falling flat on my face. I’m not sure how I’m going to make it home in my ridiculously high heels without breaking an ankle in the process.

“I’m going to have to go home and change,” Ryan says.

“Yes, there’s no way you’ll get into the Spice Club in jeans,” Cindy tells him.

“Can you take me home then?” I turn to Ryan.

He looks just as surprised by the question as I am. We haven’t spoken to each other since I’ve arrived, and having dutifully kept our distance for the past month, what possessed me to break our pact?

I’ve seen an opportunity to escape, that's what, a way out without ruining the night for everyone else. I’ve slipped back into the unconscious habit of asking Ryan to take me to places.

“You need something from home?” Ryan asks, watching me closely.

Dammit, that yearning feeling is back again. Asking him for a ride was such a bad idea, but I know there’s no way I will be able to make it back to my place by myself.

Besides, it isn’t like I’ll be alone with him, right? Cindy will be here with us. The two lovebirds can give me a lift home and then go off and enjoy the rest of their night together.

“Yes, I forgot something,” I tell him.

---

✯Ryan✯

I know should say no. I haven’t been able to stop staring at Mac all night. Images of her perky breasts and puckered nipples have haunted me the whole way through dinner. How will I be able to keep her at a distance when I want to touch her so badly? But Mac had asked me for a ride, and she wouldn’t have done so without good reason.

“What did you forget?” Jazz asks.

“Yes, what did you forget?” I ask her. Maybe I can just pick it up for her.

“Um, ID.”

“Everyone knows who you are,” Cindy says.

“I should still have it though and I’d really appreciate the lift,” Mac says, looking past me. Her eyes are glazed. “Be back in a minute.”

I watch Mac stand up. She wobbles profusely before grabbing onto the back of the chair she’s sitting on as if her life depends on it.

Mac’s come out dressed to seduce, with distraction on her mind, but not brought her ID? I’m not buying it. She’s too drunk to go out, and she knows it. She wants to pass out in my car, or she wants to go home and tell me to go to the club without her. To my absolute relief, Mission – Find a Distraction won’t be going ahead tonight.

“I don’t know what’s with going on with Mac,” Jazz says, once Mac wobbles off to the bathroom.

“She’s drunk,” I say.

“I know that, Ryan. But it’s more than that. Something’s wrong. I know it. And she won’t talk to me. Has she said anything to you?”

I shake my head, but of course I know. It’s the same thing that’s bothering me.

“She’s so distant, and…and she seems so sad tonight,” Jazz continues, nibbling her bottom lip. “I’m really worried about her.”

My chest tightens. I hate the idea of Mac being upset. If she needs a lift home, I will do that for her. Providing I don’t look at her, and as long as we’re not left alone together, I can handle it.

“Cindy and I can take her home,” I say. “Mac’s not up to clubbing tonight.”

Jazz nods. “I’d argue with you, but honestly, I don’t think the bouncers would let her in. Can you talk to her? Find out what’s wrong?”

“I could stay here…if you want?” Cindy offers tentatively. “Give the two of you a chance to talk.”

“You can come with us,” I say.

Cindy has to come with us.

“Mac won’t talk to you with a stranger in the car,” Jazz says. “No offence, Cindy. Why doesn’t Cindy come with us to The Spice Club? That way you can talk to Mac.”

“I don’t mind,” Cindy says, putting her hand over mine.

I believe her. Cindy has been very excited about meeting the cast and I have no doubt she would love hanging out with them. But I don’t want to be left alone with Mac. Unfortunately, Jazz wants answers and seems hell-bent on pushing us together.

“She’s coming back now,” Jazz says.

I look up just in time to see Mac lose her footing on the small set of stairs. Before I can stop myself, I’m rearing up from the seat. Mac just manages to keep herself upright by hanging onto the banister, as she hobbles towards us.

At this rate she’s going, she’s going to need help even getting into the car. We will need to use the side entrance to exit the restaurant. Even though it’s Melbourne, not Hollywood, the city still loves a scandal. Hart’s Valley co-stars dining together—not that interesting. Hart’s Valley actress drunk and being carried out by co-star—it will be front-page news by tomorrow morning.

“So, can I get a lift with you?” Mac asks me when she reaches the table.

I don’t want to touch Mac without Cindy there as a buffer, but it seems I don’t have a choice either. I silently curse Jazz for her well-meaning interference.

“I will give you a lift,” I say.

---

❤️Mac❤️

I sit back down in my chair because I simply can’t manage to stand upright any longer. I almost slipped and broke my neck just now on the stairs, and I’m still feeling shaky.

“Whenever you and Cindy are ready,” I gesture to Ryan, before pulling out wads of cash out of my purse and shoving them to Jazz – the designated bill sorter when we go out for dinner.

“Cindy is going to come straight to the club with us,” Jazz says.

“But-”

“Ryan will take you home.”

No. I can’t be alone with Ryan. I’m tired and drunk and sick of pretending I don’t feel what I feel. I dart a glance at Ryan, hoping he will tell me that Jazz is joking, but he is only looking at Cindy.

“Are you sure you won’t come with us?” he says.

“I’ll be fine. See you in a bit.”

Even if Cindy seems like the nicest person on the planet, I hate her just a little bit right now. I should be the one going with Jazz to The Spice Club, not Cindy. Not only does Cindy get Ryan, but she also gets my friends and my night out too. It is obvious from Ryan’s face that he doesn’t want to part from Cindy. Jealousy stabs through me for the billionth time tonight.

“It was really nice to meet you, Mac,” Cindy says.

“Likewise,” I say weakly.

“Come on,” Ryan stands up.

“Where are you two going?” Brad asks.

“We’ll meet you at the club,” Ryan says.

“You okay, Mac?” Brad asks me, ignoring him.

“I’m fine,” I say.

Brad looks like he wants to say more but then Ryan is beside me, putting his hand on the small of my back. I shiver as I feel the heat of his touch through the thin material of my dress.

“Side exit,” Ryan says.

We make our way through the loud, clattering kitchen of the restaurant. It doesn't take me long before I stumble. I feel Ryan’s arm wrap around my waist almost instinctively.

“It’s okay,” Ryan says, his voice low in the dark. “I’ve got you.”

That’s is exactly what I’m afraid of, isn’t it? Ryan has me. I am done pushing him away for now. I hold on to his arm around my waist, and concentrate on putting one foot in front of another. However, when I feel his burgeoning erection against my backside, I realise I’m not the only one affected by our close proximity. My body’s immediate, answering reaction is so swift, I suck in a breath.

“Oh my God,” I choke out.

As soon as we’re out of the restaurant, Ryan loosens his grip, but doesn’t let me go.

“You should let me go,” I whisper.

“Not yet,” Ryan says to me, his voice tight. “I don’t want, “Australia’s Romeo has a hard-on for Mackenzie Lauren,” plastered across the tabloids tomorrow. Do you?”

I shake my head. I’m suddenly grateful that my own arousal isn’t anywhere near as apparent as his. He may be able to see the goose bumps across my arms, but he can’t see the way my nipples have hardened into hard little buds, desperate for his touch. Ryan can’t see the damp heat inside my underwear, how my insides quivered as his touch, or the throb of desire low in my belly.

---

✯Ryan✯

I have a problem, I realise, as I walk us quickly towards the car. A problem now occupying the top spot on my shit-list. A big, epically bad problem. I can’t touch Mac. I can’t touch my co-star without getting so turned on that I can’t think straight. There’s no way I’m going to be able to hold back when I kiss her. I want her too damn much. 

I ignore the people snapping photos of us, and guide Mac down the laneway where I parked the car. I fumble for the lock on my key, before I help Mac slide in and we take off. We don’t speak until we reach Mac’s apartment building.

“I don’t think you should come up,” she says as I turn off the ignition. Mac undoes her seatbelt and fumbles for her purse.

“You’re right,” I say. “I shouldn’t come up.”

She nods. Her hand reaches for the door handle, but I put my hand on her arm to stop her from getting out.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this, Mackenzie,” I say her full name out in a rush.

Mac goes perfectly still as her eyes lock with mine.

“I don’t think I want to fight this anymore,” I say.