Lights, Camera, Kiss Me (Original): Chapter 19
"Very brave or very stupid..."
Thank you to Jenn and AJ for proofing this chapter, and thank you Daisy for pre-reading.
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As she left Blainesworth’s office, Mac contemplated everything their producer had just said to her. Was he right about the reasons for her lack of confidence? Was that why she hated being mentioned in the tabloids? Because they just echoed the fears and insecurities swimming around in her head?
“I think if you had any faith in your relationship with Ryan, you wouldn’t give a damn what I, or anyone else thought about it.”
Blainesworth was right. If she actually believed in her choices she wouldn’t give a damn about what anyone else thought of her. She needed to find some confidence in herself and ‘own’ her decision to be with Ryan. The question was: how did she do that? How did she completely accept the fact that she might be throwing away her career for a relationship that had all the odds against it?
She walked in the direction of Ryan’s dressing room, knocking twice before opening the door. Ryan’s gaze swung around and landed on her immediately. The warmth in his eyes caressed her face and made her heart trip over itself. He had to know their relationship would probably end sometime, just like Blainesworth had said, yet he didn’t seem to care. He had every confidence in his decision to be with her. Ryan believed they were worth the risk. So maybe, just for now, she could take her strength from him.
“Maccas!” Brad exclaimed, sweeping her off her feet and up into a hug. “You survived the meeting with Blainesworth?”
“Yes I did,” she laughed.
When Brad finally lowered her to the ground, Mac realized Jazz was standing in the dressing room, too.
“Jazz. Hi.”
Mac had planned to tell Jazz about everything that had happened with Ryan last night, once the meeting with Blainesworth was done and dusted, but the fact that Jazz was here now meant there was a good chance her friend already knew what was going on. Was Jazz mad at her for keeping her in the dark once more, and for going against her advice?
Mac searched her friend’s face for the answer. Jazz didn’t look upset. In fact, she looked thrilled.
“Mac,” she said with a wink. “I want to catch up with you, but right now Brad and I are needed on set.”
“We are?” Brad asked.
“We are,” Jazz confirmed, practically pulling him out of the room behind her.
Before she could ask Ryan about what Jazz knew, he was standing in front of her, his eyes worried yet hopeful as he ran his hands along her arms. “How did it go? What did Blainesworth say?”
“Everything you’d expect him to say.”
“He told you that dating me was a bad idea?”
“Pretty much.”
“Is that all he said?”
She shrugged as casually as she could. “He reminded me that the tabloids would probably have something to say about us.”
“Yes, they will. But you shouldn’t listen to what they say.”
“I know. I don’t want to.”
He traced her cheekbone with his thumb, sending shivers through her. “So don’t. Every time you feel doubt creeping in and you feel scared, remind yourself that I love you. I’ll be right beside you, taking this chance with you. I’m just as nervous about the way things might work out as you are.”
This was his first attempt at a permanent relationship. She had no idea what had caused him to shy away from anything that wasn’t casual in the past. Possibly it had something to do with his mother - he’d inferred as much over dinner last night - but she really didn’t know.
She wanted to know. She wanted to know the man she loved. And now she had her chance.
“I told Blainesworth that nothing was going to stop me from…doing this.”
Ryan’s smile was enormous and Mac knew she’d said the right thing. He was willing to give up everything to be with her. He didn’t deserve her doubt at all. She might not be entirely confident that getting involved with Ryan wouldn’t lead to disaster, but she could feel confident, at the very least, that he loved her.
“Does Jazz know something about us?” she asked Ryan as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to him.
“Brad filled her in.”
“Oh.”
“I was worried she was going to join the campaign against us,” he said.
“But she isn’t?”
“She isn’t,” he confirmed. “She and Brad are threatening to follow us if we leave.”
“No!”
“Yes.”
“I’m surprised…”
She didn’t want to tell Ryan about Jazz’s tirade on his inability to commit yesterday, but he seemed to know what she was thinking anyway.
“Jazz knows I love you, Mac.”
The way his gaze softened on hers made her breath catch.
“Did Blainesworth say anything else I should know about?” he asked.
Mac shook her head. “Nope.”
She felt a little guilty about not repeating everything Blainesworth had said to her, but Ryan didn’t need to know that Blainesworth had seen just how scared she felt about taking this chance.
“In that case,” Ryan said, sweeping her off her feet and carrying her over to the couch in his dressing room, “I feel the need to celebrate.”
***
“I’m seeing someone, and it’s serious.”
This probably hadn’t been what Lyndel expected when Ryan called her yesterday and told her that he wanted to catch up, but Lyndel’s welcome party was this evening and Ryan wanted to get this conversation out of the way.
“Wow,” Lyndel said, looking as if she’d just been smacked between the eyes.
It was Friday morning and they were sitting inside the Red Jacket, having an early breakfast before he had to go into the studio.
It had taken a lot of willpower to climb out of Mac’s bed this morning so he could meet Lyndel in time. And it had taken even more willpower to tell Mac he was meeting Lyndel. Despite the fact that Mac had told their producer that nothing was going to stop her from dating her co-star, Ryan couldn’t help feeling a little bit…worried. He knew a bad headline might spook her and make her run. And if she thought he might rekindle his on-screen spark with Lyndel, well that could also make Mac run.
He wished he could just relax and enjoy what was happening between them, but he didn’t feel like he could just yet. Hopefully, once Mac saw how serious he was, her concerns would fade and he’d stop worrying.
“I have to admit I’m a little shocked,” Lyndel said.
“Yeah, the whole…falling in love thing kind of took me by surprise, too.”
“I don’t suppose it’s possible you’re just imagining it?” Lyndel asked him sweetly.
He laughed. There was no chance he’d imagined the way he felt about Mackenzie.
“Definitely not. Which is why I asked you to come here this morning. I think that it’s great we’re going to be working together again, but I wasn’t sure if you were looking to…”
“Rekindle our great love affair?” Lyndel finished for him.
He nodded. He hadn’t been in a relationship with Lyndel, and there was a good chance he was coming off as an arrogant jerk right now, but he’d always been a straight up and honest kind of guy. At least he tried to be.
And Jazz was right. He needed to make sure he didn’t lead Lyndel on or allow her to believe he was available, romantically speaking.
“I was looking forward to a repeat of my last night in the country,” she admitted. “But don’t worry, I’m not too heartbroken. I haven’t been waiting all these years.”
“Of course not.”
“Besides, Blainesworth doesn’t like his co-stars dating anyway, right?”
Damn, this was going to be awkward. “That’s true,” he admitted carefully.
“So, are you going to tell me who the lucky girl is?”
“Mackenzie Lauren.”
Despite her abilities as an actress, Lyndel didn’t quite manage to conceal her surprise.
“Our co-star, Mackenzie Lauren?”
“Yep.”
“But Blainesworth…”
“He does have a guideline about co-stars dating, but Mac and I talked it over with him.”
“So, he’s actually okay with…this?”
“I wouldn’t exactly say he’s happy about it. But he’s dealing. He’s not killing us off in any Hart’s Valley accidents yet, anyway.”
Lyndel smiled, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m surprised Mac’s risking it. I heard about what happened to her on Junction Hospital.”
“Needless to say she’s a little cautious, but she knows how serious I am. I’ve pushed her for this. I want to make a real go of it with her.”
“Wow, you really are smitten.”
He gave her a self-deprecating grin. “I’ve fallen hard, yeah. She’s amazing, and I think you’ll really like her if you take the time to get to know her.”
Her smile was forced. “I’m not here to make enemies, Ryan.”
“I never said you were.”
“Maybe not, but you’re sitting here telling me you want me to be nice to your girlfriend.”
“The whole cast is really close and it would be great if we could keep it that way.”
“I didn’t take the job to cause waves.”
It was on the tip of his tongue to ask why she did take the job, but he didn’t.
She lifted her glass of orange juice and tipped it in his direction, her eyes cool and her voice even cooler. “To you and Mac.”
He wasn’t sure how Lyndel and Mac would interact, but he’d find out at the party tonight. With any luck, things would go smoothly, but if they didn’t, Jazz would look out for Mac. And so would he.
***
Lyndel’s welcome party was an elegant but quiet affair in one of the large meeting rooms on the same level as the producer’s office. Immaculately dressed wait staff circulated with hors d'oeuvres. A bar sat in one corner of the room and a man wearing the same uniform as the wait staff stood behind it, serving drinks.
Mac swept her gaze over the small group of executives bunched up near the entrance of the room, before turning her attention to her fellow cast members. Vanessa, Matt, Brad and Ryan were standing near the back of the room, engaged in conversation with Lyndel.
Mac and Jazz were late to arrive, both of them required for the last scene that had been shot today. The two of them had left their evening outfits in their changing rooms so that they didn’t have to go home before the party. Jazz had donned a red, sequined, Jessica Rabbit-style gown, while Mac had chosen a turquoise and black slinky dress, black high heels, and turquoise jewellery to match her dress.
“Are you ready?” Jazz asked.
“I think so.”
Normally, a small gathering like this wouldn’t be a big deal. These types of small parties were quite common in the studio. However, this one was different. While news about her romance with Ryan had spread quickly through the grapevine, this was their first appearance as a couple. Even though the public wouldn’t be there to watch them, the cast and crew were.
“Look at me,” Jazz instructed. “Everything is going to be fine. Everyone knows you and Ryan are together and everyone supports you.”
Mac shook her head. It was true that Matt and Vanessa were just as supportive as Brad and Jazz, but this still felt like a really big deal. Once she went out there, she couldn’t go back. That was how she felt. Walking into that party and greeting Ryan as a lover felt like she was about to dive off the end of a pier and into shark-infested waters.
“Mac?” Jazz prompted her.
At that moment Mac saw Ryan turn and look across the crowded room, his eyes finding hers immediately. The heated approval in his gaze as he scanned her dress warmed her immediately. When his eyes returned to hers once more they were filled with confidence and reassurance, as well as a silent question: Want me to come over there and rescue you?
Mac shook her head. He was definitely her knight, but she didn’t want him to think she needed rescuing.
She turned to Jazz. “I’m ready.”
“That’s my girl,” Jazz said encouragingly, before linking her arm through Mac’s and taking the first step with her.
***
After two glasses of champagne, Mac felt her nervousness begin to dissipate. Ryan had kissed and hugged her when they’d greeted each other, and even though they’d both kept it fairly tame because of where they were, the excitement they’d both felt at being together in public was unmistakable.
The rest of the crew and several of the executives had all stopped to make comments and jokes. The director’s remarks had embarrassed Mac a little.
“Wednesday’s kiss has to be the hottest scene I’ve ever shot,” Mitch had said. “I hope the two of you can start to exert some control over your libido so the rest of us don’t spontaneously combust when we watch you.”
Ryan had laughed, but Mac noted he looked as if he might have actually been blushing. She knew she was!
Lyndel smiled throughout the evening, making polite conversation while still managing to remain somewhat aloof. Mac noted the actress made the effort to talk to each of her co-stars, including herself. However, it was obvious Lyndel seemed to prefer the company of the males in the room. Ryan and Brad were the two people she was most content talking to, and she was making a good effort to get to know Matt, too.
Ryan’s hand remained warm and steady on Mac’s lower back the entire time, reminding her he was there, yet not demanding any more than just her presence beside him.
After listening to Ryan and Brad reminisce about a trip to Vegas they’d gone on a couple of years ago, Mac excused herself to go to the bathroom.
Lyndel was standing at one of the sinks in the executive suite, applying lipstick as Mac finished up and went to wash her hands.
Apprehension tied her gut into a knot, but Mac willed herself to relax. Ryan had told her about his conversation with Lyndel this morning and she had been polite tonight.
“So I hear you and Ryan are sleeping together,” Lyndel said casually.
The dismissiveness of the other woman’s words didn’t go unnoticed. Mac and Ryan were more than sleeping together, and Lyndel knew it.
“We’re in a relationship, yes.”
“Considering you were fired for getting involved with a co-star and failing to keep your emotions in check, I can’t decide whether you’re very brave or very stupid.”
There was no doubt in Mac’s mind that Lyndel was leaning towards the latter. Mac hated confrontation and she really didn’t want to discuss Ryan with Lyndel, but it seemed inevitable it’d come up sooner or later. Better to get it over and done with. Besides, Lyndel wasn’t the only person in the industry who would accuse Mac of being stupid, and this was a good opportunity to work out the best way to deal with it.
Since no smart or witty retort sprung to mind, Mac decided to try for honesty instead. “Fear of being thought stupid was what stopped me from acting on my feelings for so long.”
“You’ve overcome your fear now though, have you?” Lyndel asked, raising an eyebrow and sounding doubtful.
“I’m in love with him. I never thought he would feel the same way I do, but he does. If I hadn’t taken this opportunity I would’ve regretted it for the rest of my life.”
“Now you’ll just regret losing your job instead.”
“Hopefully it won’t come to that.”
“Ryan’s never wanted a relationship before. I can’t imagine this phase will last very long.”
“He’s never been in love before,” Mac returned. “I don’t think love counts as a phase.”
“Love doesn’t last long in this business, Mackenzie,” Lyndel said, drawing out her name patronizingly. “You should know that after-”
“Then why were you willing to throw away a perfectly good job overseas to be with Ryan?”
The question was out of Mac’s mouth before she could think twice about asking it. Referencing the things Ryan had shared about Lyndel hadn’t been Mac’s intention, but it didn’t change the fact that Mac wanted an answer to her question.
Years ago Lyndel would have given up the job opportunity of a lifetime to stay in the country and be with Ryan. So, who was Lyndel Craig to imply Mac was stupid? In fact, if their positions were reversed, there was no proof at all that Lyndel wouldn’t make exactly the same decision Mac had. Maybe Lyndel had come to work on Hart’s Valley with the hope of snagging another chance with Australia’s Romeo.
And Lyndel wasn’t the only person who would make the same decision in Mac’s position, either. How many people could resist the chance to be with the man they loved – to be with Ryan Moore – if he loved them back? How many people would choose their job over the love of their life, no matter how fleeting that love could be?
People could say what they wanted, but they didn’t have to live with her regret or her choices. They had no right to judge her until they’d walked in her shoes.
There! She’d finally gotten behind her decision.
Feeling a surge of confidence unlike anything she’d experienced before, Mac stared Lyndel down and waited for her to say something.
“I could have loved Ryan without demanding anything but his commitment in return,” Lyndel said coolly. “I certainly never would have threatened to fall to pieces on him when it ended between us.”
Mac opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, Lyndel flounced out of the room.
Needing a quiet moment before she faced off against Lyndel again, Mac walked over to the plush purple sofa in the executive bathroom suite and sat down.
Lyndel’s last comment had been…unexpected. Mac had no intention of demanding anything from Ryan. Commitment was enough. As for the inference Mac would fall apart on Ryan when it ended…well, Lyndel’s comment was more valid than Mac wanted to admit.
Falling in love with Danny and being dumped by him had been embarrassing. Humiliating. But the worst part had been her reaction to him breaking up with her. She’d failed to get her act together – literally – and get past the break up. She’d fallen in a heap. She’d lost her job.
She had nothing to guarantee it wouldn’t happen again, but she was older this time round. Smarter.
Blainesworth had told her yesterday that she needed to keep her expectations realistic, and that had been good advice. When her relationship with Ryan ended, she would walk away without a scene or a fuss. This time, instead of believing she was part of some fairy tale, she’d be reminding herself things were temporary. That was all she could do for now. Hopefully it was enough.
A sudden, sharp knock on the door sounded through the small room just as she stood up.
“Mac? Are you in there?”
Unease fisted in her gut at Ryan’s urgent question. She sprang off the couch and walked towards the door.
“I’m here,” she said, as she exited the bathroom.
Ryan’s face was pinched tight, his body tense.
“What is it?” she asked immediately.
“My mum’s had a fall. My sister called me from the hospital. I have to go,” he said, sounding as if he really didn’t want to. “Please…will you come with me?”
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I can't believe it's been six months since I updated! Actually, I can. It's been one heck of a year so far. There have been three deaths in my family and plenty of other challenging and stressful situations. I am pleased to announce, however, that this story has two more chapters left and they are both finished. I'll be posting chapter 20 this week.
To all of you who are still reading, sorry for the wait, and I hope you enjoy the rest of LCKM!