Lights, Camera, Kiss Me (Original): Chapter 18
"I know what I'm getting myself into."
A/N: Thanks to LilianeGrouse and Jenn for their editing suggestions, to Daisy for pre-reading, and to kiddo127 for prompting me to post this chapter.
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Mac couldn't do anything but stare at the man in front of her. Danny couldn't be serious, could he? He'd been pining after Angel for the last three weeks. Okay, so he might not have spent as much time talking about Angel over the past week, but she still couldn't believe he'd had such a quick change of heart. And the kiss Mac had shared with him on set yesterday had been all right, but there hadn't been any fireworks. Not from her point of view, anyway. The only fireworks she'd experienced lately were when she was kissing Ryan. Or touching Ryan. Or doing anything else. With Ryan.
"Listen, Mac," Danny said. "I know I screwed up when we were together, but I promise that this time around things will be different. I'll treat you right. I'll treat you better."
"I'm sorry," she told him. "I really don't understand what's happening here. You've been talking to me this whole time about how much you want to get back together with Angel. This is so out of left field…"
"I thought I was still in love with Angel, but when I spoke to her I didn't feel anything except anger. I didn't even want to see her. I don't know. I don't think I can ever feel the same way about her that I used to."
This was the first time Mac had heard Danny express anger over the way Angel had treated him. So, maybe Danny was starting to get over his ex, but he wasn't completely over her yet. And now it seemed like their kiss yesterday had triggered some kind of nostalgia on his side and he was looking for a rebound.
"And when I heard about your kiss with Ryan yesterday, I felt…jealous," Danny added.
"Wait. You're here because you're jealous?"
She wasn't sure if that explanation made more or less sense. Nostalgia was one thing. Not wanting her to be with someone else because he'd been with her first was quite another.
"These past few weeks you've been a really good friend to me," he said. "I realized a little while ago that I've really missed you. You're great. You've always been great. I want a second chance."
"Dan," she said gently. "What we had was over a long time ago. I think you might be confusing friendship and nostalgia with something else."
"I don't think I'm confusing anything."
"I'm sorry. I can't go back. I don't want to get back together."
"Is that because of our past and the fact I hurt you, or because of Ryan Moore?"
"My decision isn't about Ryan."
She was deeply in love with Ryan, but she would have come to the same decision regardless.
"Then it's not true what I heard about your R-rated kiss with Ryan on-set yesterday?" Danny asked her. "From what I heard, you two were basically going at it in front of everyone."
Mac tried to choose her words carefully. Soon enough everyone would know that she and Ryan were together, but there was no reason to flaunt it to Danny right now.
"Things did get a little heated," she told him. "Yes."
"Are you really going to do it again, Mac?"
"Do what again?"
"Fall for the guy you're kissing on stage?" he asked her with a touch of sadness in his voice. "That's what happened with us, wasn't it? You fell for me after we started hooking up on screen."
"It's different with Ryan," she told him. "I started falling in love with him long before he kissed me."
Danny sighed heavily and then took a seat on the sofa in the room. "Are we friends, Mac?"
She chewed her lip nervously, running through all the possible directions this conversation could go in if she answered yes. "I think we were starting to be," she eventually told him.
"Then, as your friend, I need to tell you something about Ryan Moore."
She opened her mouth to tell him to stop, but he didn't take any notice.
"Moore is a player. He has a reputation. He hooks up with a woman for a bit and then he dumps her and moves on to the next one."
It was laughable that Danny believed she didn't already know about Ryan's reputation.
"I don't think player is the right word."
"Okay, how about this? He has the attention span of a gnat."
"I know what I'm getting myself into."
"I'm worried you're going to get hurt, Mac. I know I hurt you, and I'm sorrier for that than you'll ever know, but if-"
"I appreciate your concern, Dan, but I'm a big girl. I'm aware of the potential for things to go wrong here. I'm not the same naïve actress I was when I dated you."
"You know he has a history with Lyndel Craig, right?"
How on earth did Danny know about Ryan and Lyndel? Forget it. She didn't want to know. She'd heard everything she wanted to hear about that hook-up from the horse's mouth already.
"I have to get ready for a scene," she told him, ready for their exchange to be over.
"Do you think it's any coincidence that Mick hired Lyndel after the story broke about you and Ryan?"
Don't ask. Don't ask. Don't ask. "What are you talking about?"
She hated herself for biting. She wanted to pretend she had no interest in whatever it was he was going to say, but she couldn't help herself.
"Lyndel. She's worked with Ryan. She's worked with Brad. She's worked with Jazz and Vanessa, too."
She'd had no idea Lyndel had worked with Jazz and Vanessa before, but she still wasn't sure what Danny was trying to say.
"So?"
"So, she could end up being your replacement here, Mackenzie," he said impatiently. "In a close-knit cast like the Hart's Valley one, bringing a stranger in to replace you would go over like a lead balloon, but using someone who already knows the other cast members - someone who already has an established relationship with the leading man – that's an important move for the producer. Don't you think?"
A new cast member had been on the agenda since the end of last season. She really didn't want to believe Lyndel was here because of the headline Blainesworth had questioned Mac about three weeks ago. She'd knuckled down since then. She'd barely said a word to Ryan until yesterday. If Blainesworth had gone ahead and acquired her back-up, the only conclusion she could draw was that her boss was completely certain she'd screw up.
"I can't believe he'd do that," she said, sounding more certain than she felt.
"This is television, Mackenzie-"
"Don't lecture me. I'm not stupid."
"Of course not."
He put a hand out but she shrugged it off.
"He'd hired Lyndel before my kiss with Ryan. She can't be here because of me. I haven't done anything wrong."
That he knows about. Yet.
Any minute now, Ryan was going to finish his scene and he was going to expect that they would go and see the boss and tell him they were together, just like they'd planned.
"Listen, if everything stays as it is between you and Moore, I'm sure you'll have nothing to worry about, but if not, you could risk being written out of the show. I just felt like I should warn you."
And did his warning have anything to do with the jealousy he'd confessed to, minutes ago? Was he trying to scare her away from Ryan? Could Danny be so…desperate that he'd make something like this up to drive the fear of God into her? She didn't want to believe her ex-boyfriend was an even bigger dick than she'd originally thought. But the alternative was that he was right – that Blainesworth was going to push her out the door at the first hint of her being anything less than 100% professional.
"I meant it when I said I don't want to see you hurt again," Danny told her. "And if a friend is all you want to be, then I'll take it, Mac. I want you in my life."
They were interrupted by a quick rap on the door before Ryan walked into the dressing room. His expression changed from light to dark the moment he saw Danny standing there.
"Westlaker," he said stonily.
"Moore," Danny said just as coolly.
Mac cleared her throat. "Well, thanks for the advice, Dan."
Danny leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek that lasted a few moments too long. She looked up to see Ryan's eyes a shade of green she'd never seen before.
"Take care of yourself. And be careful," Danny whispered before he left the room.
"Why was Westlaker here?" Ryan asked immediately.
"He…" she trailed off, not entirely sure exactly what she should tell Ryan.
"Mac," Ryan said warningly, as he stalked towards her. "He doesn't have a scene today. Why was he here?"
"He…said he wants to get back together with me."
"I knew it," Ryan said, eyes narrowed, mouth pulled into a grim line. "I saw the way he looked at you yesterday."
"I had no idea. I thought he was still in love with Angel."
"And what advice did he give you?" Ryan asked.
She took a deep breath. "Apparently, Blainesworth hired my replacement when he hired Lyndel. If I date you, I'm going to be forced to leave, and she'll essentially have my job. She's worked with everyone except Matt and myself, and she'll fit right in. God, she's probably your new love interest."
"Breathe," he instructed, putting his hands on her shoulders.
"I am."
"The guy's a dickhead. Lyndel is not going to replace you. You have nothing to worry about when it comes to her, either as a threat to your job, or as a threat to us. Do you understand me?"
"But what if Danny's right? Do you think she was hired in-case I screw up? Do you think she's Blainesworth's fall-back after the headline about us?"
"Mac, people are written in and out of shows all the time. No one is safe. You know that. And even if he did write you out, he'd be an idiot to get rid of such a popular character. Not to mention that if he loses you, he loses me, too."
"But-"
"Mac, you said it yourself. He's going to find out about us eventually. It's best to be straight up with him now. You know we have to do this. You. Know. This."
"You're right."
He put a finger underneath her chin and tilted her face up so that she was looking at him.
"Trust me. Will you trust me?"
She nodded before she leaned into him, comforted by his embrace. What did it say about her that she was ready to end her career – again – over a man? Did that make her every bit as weak and pathetic and foolish as the tabloids had once claimed she was? Well, at least this man is worth it.
"You know what it means once we're out in the open with our relationship, right?" he asked her. "It means I get to take you on a date."
She smiled against his chest.
"Now," he said. "Let's go talk to Blainesworth."
***
"I'm sure I've made my position clear on this already."
Mac breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly. Their producer stared at them, anger etched into his features. It was taking all her courage not to tell him that this was a big joke and bolt for the exit. Her heart was going a million miles an hour. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this…terrified. She opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out.
"You have made your position clear," Ryan said, taking her hand in his and squeezing it. "Which is why Mac and I have been fighting this thing between us so hard."
"I suppose you're going to tell me that you just can't fight it anymore?" Blainesworth asked sardonically.
"For the past few months we've tried avoiding each other outside of our scenes together," Ryan told him. "It seemed like the only way we'd have any hope of making it go away. But what I feel hasn't gone away. I've been miserable, and if Mac hadn't agreed to talk to you about our potential relationship, I don't know what I would have done."
Blainesworth's features softened slightly as he looked at Mac. Ryan was throwing her the credit for talking to Blainesworth? She didn't deserve it. This was Ryan's doing, and if Blainesworth was impressed, it should be Ryan getting the credit. Her co-star was the one who had convinced her they had to be honest.
"It was Ryan's suggestion, actually," she told him.
"Which Mac readily agreed to," Ryan said, jumping in. "She didn't want to deceive you, and neither do I. We want to be together and we want your approval to date each other."
It felt like he was asking her father to date her. But maybe his approach was working, because Blainesworth was looking a lot less angry and slightly more…approachable.
"Do you know why I have this…guideline about my actors dating?" Blainesworth asked.
"Obviously, if the relationship ends-"
"Not if, Ryan. When. These relationships always end, and they rarely end well. And when the fall-out occurs, it's the show that always loses."
"What if we signed something saying the show wouldn't lose?" Ryan asked.
Blainesworth leaned forward. "You want to sign a contract stating your break-up won't affect my show?"
"We could sign a contract stating that no harm will come to Hart's Valley as a result of our romantic relationship."
"While I implore your ingenuity, Ryan, what am I supposed to do when my show is inevitably affected by your romantic relationship – or rather, the end of it? Sue you?"
"But what about all that the show has to gain from us being together?" Mac asked.
"Yes, I'll admit there would be a surge in viewers and a happy audience…while it lasted, Mackenzie. But, you see, I can't possibly imagine that it will last. No word from you, no signed contract, not even the promise of your first born, could assure me of that. "
"Okay, well what about all the show has to lose from us walking away from it?" Ryan asked.
Blainesworth's eyes narrowed dramatically. "Are you threatening me?"
"It's not my intention or desire to do that, Sir, however, I'm in love with her. I'm not sure how I'd…cope, should we be forced to stop seeing each other."
"Mr Moore, you've been in this business a long time. I don't need to tell you that that remark is completely unprofessional. But I'm afraid you're barking up the wrong tree here, anyway. If the two of you decide this is the direction you want to proceed in, I won't stop you. I can't. Legally. The person who gets the final say as to whether this disaster goes ahead is actually you, Mackenzie."
"Me?"
"Yes. And I'd like to speak with just you for a moment. Ryan, could you shut the door behind you on your way out, please."
Ryan squeezed her hand again before he reluctantly stood up. She had to resist the urge to pull him back down. He was seriously going to leave her alone with their boss? His expression told her he didn't want to, but neither of them really had a choice about this. Was Blainesworth going to threaten her again while Ryan was gone, or would he just work on persuading her that this was a bad idea?
Once she heard the thunk of the heavy door of Blainesworth's office close behind Ryan, Blainesworth began to talk.
***
"Dude, you're killing me."
Ryan looked up as Brad walked into the dressing room they shared. Desperate for a distraction from the anxiety he was feeling over leaving Mac with Blainesworth, Ryan had been trying to play Brad's guitar. The last time he'd attempted to play the instrument, he'd sucked. Badly. From the expression Brad was wearing now, Ryan hadn't improved any.
"How was dinner last night?" Brad asked.
"It went well."
"Then you and Mac are…?"
"Together. I think."
"You think?"
Their producer was more than likely trying to talk Mac out of pursuing a romantic relationship with him right this second. Chances were good Blainesworth would play on her fear of the tabloids. And, if that wasn't enough to drive him around the bend with worry, the fact that Westlaker had deliberately set out to scare her into thinking Lyndel might be her replacement was!
"She's still thinking about running?" Brad guessed.
"I don't know. She only agreed to talk to Blainesworth. She never actually said, 'Let's do this.'"
"You're kidding me, right? You guys actually went to Blainesworth?"
"He was going to find out eventually."
"You know Mac's biggest fear is losing her job."
"Yeah, well, Blainesworth can't fire us."
"Romeo, you might have waited till you guys had been dating for a little while before you did that."
"Someone was going to see us soon enough. Mac was freaking out about it. It would have been the only thing on her mind unless we came clean with the boss."
"Yeah, but…" Brad stopped and shook his head. "How did she take the news of your history with Lyndel?"
"I don't think it's going to be anything that stops us from being together at the moment."
It's more Blainesworth's and Westlaker's fear mongering he had to worry about right now, Ryan thought.
"You did tell her everything, didn't you?" Brad asked.
"Of course I told her."
"And she isn't worried? I mean after Westlaker…"
"I love her. She knows that. I don't love Lyndel. I never did. And I have no interest in rekindling anything there. Besides, my brief tryst with her was really only one night, and I don't even remember it. She doesn't need to be worried."
"Knock, knock."
Ryan barely managed to reign in his irritation as Jazz opened the door and stepped into the room without waiting to be invited in. Yesterday, she'd been in Brad's ear, asking him to talk Ryan out of going after Mac. If she was here to repeat that suggestion, there was a good chance he'd tell her to go to hell.
"Relax," Brad said, interpreting Ryan's glare correctly. "I told Jazz you love Mac and you're not going to hurt our friend."
"I have to admit I was a little sceptical at first," Jazz said.
"But with a little help from yours truly, she's coming round," Brad said, an ear-to-ear grin plastered across his face.
"Especially since Brad promised to let me at you if you hurt Mac," Jazz added.
It was with some exasperation that he told her, "I have no intention of hurting Mac."
"It's not your intentions that have me worried. It's your love 'em and leave 'em attitude-"
"So, what are you going to do about the Lyndel situation?" Brad asked, cutting Jazz off. "Jazz thinks she's going to be trouble."
Ryan shot a look between the two of them. How much time had Jazz and Brad been spending together talking about this?
"She's a jealous cow," Jazz said.
"Jazz worked with her on Beach Blues," Brad informed him.
"Yes, and I can't say I'm looking forward to working with her again. She was a complete and utter bitch to all the girls. I'm worried she's going to get stuck into Mac the moment she finds out about the two of you."
"And she'll find out soon enough," Brad said. "Since you've gone to Blainesworth."
"You went to Blainesworth?" Jazz asked incredulously.
"Yep," Brad answered for him. "Mac's still in a meeting with him."
"You left her alone in there?" Jazz asked him, her glare accusing.
"Trust me, I didn't want to," Ryan said through gritted teeth. "I wasn't given much choice about it. And Blainesworth already knows that he can't afford to lose Mac and me."
Jazz's eyes widened. "You told him that?"
"We're a package deal."
"If you guys left the show, I don't think I'd be far behind you," Brad said.
"Neither would I," Jazz said. "Hart's Valley would be over."
"Don't be ridiculous. You guys aren't going anywhere."
"Solidarity," Brad said.
"He can't afford to lose four of us," Jazz said.
Ryan shook his head, but he was smiling. As ridiculous as his friends were being, their show of support was touching.
"It's not going to come to that," he told them. "Mac would be more likely to give up the idea of us than give up her job."
"I told her not to break your heart too bad," Brad advised him.
"Thanks so much," Ryan threw back at him.
"Let's focus on Lyndel for a minute," Jazz said. "You should tell Lyndel you're with Mac. It's probably best she doesn't find out from someone else. I mean, if the two of you used to date and she's looking to-"
"We never dated."
"Whatever it was, she needs to hear you're with someone now, and it should come from you. That's the fairest thing to do. Of course, she's still going to come after Mac with both guns blazing, but at least then I'll feel justified slapping her face if she does."
"Mac can take care of herself," Brad said.
"I'm not going to let Lyndel pull any of her proprietary crap this time around," Ryan said. "It used to drive me up the wall when we worked on Wild Horses."
"You have to let Mac stand up for herself, though," Brad said. "She won't want to hide behind you."
"So," Jazz started. "We let Mac deal with her, but if she crosses the line I'm jumping in. The staff party is on Friday night, right? Ryan, can you talk to Lyndel before then?"
"I suppose," he agreed resignedly. "Why before Friday?"
"Lyndel needs to see how close we all are. She needs to see we support you and Mac being together. Friday night is a good opportunity to do that," Jazz told him.
"Providing Mac still actually wants to be with me when she leaves Blainesworth's office."
***
"Mackenzie, I'm sure you're already aware of the fact that the tabloids will have plenty to say about this recent development with Ryan."
Blainesworth's stare was hard, but Mac didn't look away. "Yes."
"How do you feel about that?"
"No-one likes to be talked about."
"Some people don't mind and others just don't care."
"I wish I knew how to be one of them."
"Do you know the key to being comfortable with being the subject of criticism, Mackenzie?"
"I guess I don't."
"It's confidence - confidence in who you are and what you're doing."
"I'm an actress. I should be confident."
"I've seen many actors in my time who were extraordinarily talented, but also extremely insecure. They rely on the limelight to show their best possible side, but the moment anyone says a bad word about them they fall to pieces."
"And you think I fall into that category?"
"I think you're frequently unsure of your own step. It comes from making bad judgements in the past and not having any faith in your ability to avoid repeating them in the future. What I'm trying to say is, I think if you had any faith in your relationship with Ryan, you wouldn't give a damn what I, or anyone else, thought about it. But that's not the case here, is it, Mackenzie?
"Of course, it's in your hands if you proceed with this relationship or not, but I would think your hesitations are the best guide to whether this is really a good idea. As I mentioned, I can't fire you."
"But you can write me out of the script."
He gave her a small smile. "I can. But I'd rather not. So far you've been a credit to our production, and it doesn't make sense to do that until I've at least reaped the benefits that you being with Ryan will bring us."
She wanted to ask him whether he had hired Lyndel as her replacement, but couldn't bring herself to. He might be an opportunistic bastard, but as of right now she still had her job.
"I know you said you wanted me to make Hart's Valley my number one priority, and I know it appears as if I haven't," Mac told him. "I just wanted to say, I do love this show. So much."
"Just not as much as you love Ryan Moore?"
"I wish I knew how to make a different decision, but I don't. And even if I did...I don't know how Ryan and I would work together anymore."
"Ah, young love," he sighed. "Always so dramatic. Let me say this, Mackenzie. If you haven't learned anything else from your experience with Danny Westlaker, then learn this now, and learn this quickly: keep your expectations realistic. Don't expect the impossible. Know that your relationship with Ryan will end one day, and be prepared for it when it happens. And even if your heart is breaking, remember what I pay you for: to act your ass off."
"Thank you, I will."
"Oh, and Mackenzie," he said, when she stood up. "If your decision is to follow through with this relationship with Ryan, then own it, have faith in it. Don't make excuses for your actions and wear the consequences proudly."
She swallowed. "Consequences?"
"Whatever happens going forward. Shut the door behind you, please, Mackenzie."