Lights, Camera, Kiss Me (Original): Chapter 20
"You could never disappoint me. Never. I love you.”
Thanks to Jenn and to AJ for their editing suggestions, and to Daisy for pre-reading this chapter.
I know I said there would only be 21 parts to this story, but I changed my mind and decided to write an epilogue to follow the final chapter. Hope you guys won't mind reading the extra part ;)
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The car ride to Morwell Private Hospital was a quiet one. Only the light rock music playing on the car stereo hampered the silence. Mac wasn’t making any attempt at conversation and Ryan was only too grateful for it. He had no idea what he’d been thinking when he’d asked Mac to come with him tonight. It hadn’t been his intention, but when she’d opened the bathroom door and asked him what was wrong, it had just sort of popped out. She’d looked so worried and he’d immediately felt comforted by her concern. The swift surge of desire to have her there beside him had been too strong to ignore.
Now that he’d actually had enough time to think about it, however, he was worried this meeting between Mac and his mother was happening too soon. The idea of Mac knowing how much resentment his mother harboured towards him made him feel uneasy. It was something he’d never shared with the women he slept with. Then again, Mac was so much more than any of those women in his past had ever been.
After a drive which felt both too long and too short, he found the first available spot in the hospital car park and eased his car into it. They both exited quickly, and as they strode towards the emergency entrance, Mac slid her hand into his. He squeezed it, silently thanking her for her presence.
Mac pointed to the woman huddled at the entrance of the emergency section of the Morwell Private. “Is that Mindy?”
“That’s her,” he answered tightly, taking in the fact that his sister was smoking – something she only did when she was extremely stressed.
“Mindy,” he called, trying to get her attention.
Mindy dropped her cigarette on the ground and stubbed it out with her foot before running towards him with a relieved smile on her face. He hugged her tightly.
“How’s mum?” he asked as he let her go.
“God, Ry, I feel so bad. I totally screwed up. I don’t know how to handle this.”
“We’ll get through it. It’ll be okay.”
Mindy frowned suddenly as she looked over his shoulder. “Mackenzie Lauren?”
He hadn’t forgotten Mac was there, but for a moment he had forgotten he needed to introduce the two of them.
“Mac, please,” Mac said, steeping forward. “I’m so sorry about your mother.”
Mindy’s assessing gaze darted between Ryan and Mac.
“Mindy, this is my girlfriend, Mac. Mac, this is my sister, Mindy.”
“Girlfriend?” Mindy asked, her eyebrows shooting up towards the sky.
“Yup.”
“Wow, Ry. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you use that term before.”
Ryan felt a small smile slide across his face. “What can I say? I’ve never felt the urge to before.”
“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mac,” Mindy said. “Though I wish the circumstances were better.”
Mac nodded. “Me, too.”
Mindy looked back at Ryan. “Mum’s regained consciousness. They’ve just moved her out of emergency and into a ward.”
“Do you know which one?”
“Yep. Come on, I guess it’s time to face the music.”
Ryan put a hand out to grab Mindy around the wrist. “Hey, Min, this wasn’t your fault.”
“I don’t even know how she fell out of her wheelchair.”
“You can’t watch her twenty-four seven.”
“I know, but… this isn’t the first incident, Ry. There have been others.”
“What? When?”
“Over the past few months.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I didn’t want to bother you. I know you don’t like dealing with her.”
“Yes, I hate dealing with Mum, but I never wanted all of her care to fall on your shoulders.”
“Hey, I told you I wanted to do it. I haven’t forgotten that and I’m not blaming you.”
“But it’s not working out anymore?”
“I don’t know, Ry. It’s so much more full-on than I was expecting. Mum’s the worst kind of patient at the best of times and she’s getting more and more difficult by the day. Maybe I just need some help.” Mindy glanced at Mac again. “Let’s go inside. Mac looks frozen.”
“I’m fine,” Mac protested.
They went inside anyway, but not before Ryan told his sister that they weren’t done with the topic of their mother’s care. That particular conversation was long overdue. His sister sounded as if she’d reached her breaking point. He wished Mindy had talked to him about what was happening sooner. Yes, he found it difficult to spend any great deal of time with his abusive mother, but that didn’t mean he wanted Mindy to suffer in silence.
If only Mindy would let him pay for someone to come in and help her…or perhaps for someone to come in full-time so she could leave Morwell. Of course Mindy would feel guilty for leaving their mother in someone else’s care. He would, too. Then again, he was so used to feeling guilty when it came to things concerning his mother that it really wouldn’t be any different than normal.
Whatever Mindy wanted, he’d make it happen.
The three of them walked down to the elevator quickly. Mindy pressed the up arrow and when the doors slid open, they stepped inside.
“Level two,” Mindy instructed.
Ryan hit the button because he was closest to it. They stood in silence until the doors opened at their level.
“Room 209,” Mindy said.
As they drew nearer to the room, Mac slowed down.
“I should probably wait out here for you guys,” she told him.
He looked at her for a moment, trying to work out whether to ask her to come in with him or not. She looked more than a little hesitant and he understood why. This was an unusual situation. Introducing her to his mother like this would have been strange if he’d had a normal relationship with his mother. But their relationship was anything but normal.
“Come in with me,” he said to her after a moment’s thought.
Mac’s anxious gaze slid to Mindy.
Mindy nodded at her. “No more than two visitors at a time. It’s fine. I’ll wait out here for a bit.”
“Oh no,” Mac said. “I don’t-”
“Stop,” Mindy told her, putting a hand up to halt Mac’s refusal. “Be there for him. He needs you.”
“If you’re sure…?”
“I am.”
Ever since she’d walked out of the bathroom at Lyndel’s welcome party, Mac had been unsure what she should say. Until today she’d known very little about Ryan’s mother, other than the small pieces of information he’d offered up sporadically, like the fact that his mother was sick and that was why he’d never left the country. Mac also knew that his mother was part of the reason Ryan had steered clear of commitment. The brief conversation Ryan and Mindy had had outside the hospital, however, had been enlightening…and disturbing. The relationship between mother and son was clearly severely damaged.
Ryan held his hand out and Mac took it. His warm fingers closed around hers as they walked into the pale pink room. She felt her adrenaline start to kick in as her gaze swept over the frail-looking woman in the bed in front of her.
His mother’s hair was short and grey, with the occasional streak of brown in it. Half of it stood up in tufts; the other half was matted to the side of her face – a face which was so lined that if Mac hadn’t known the woman was Ryan’s mother, she might have guessed her age to be seventy-something. The clipboard at the base of the bed read: ‘Janet Moore’.
Mac was certain Janet must have heard their footsteps, but she didn’t look up to see who had come to visit her.
“Mum,” Ryan said gently.
“Where’s Mindy?” Janet rasped.
“She’s waiting in the hall.”
“Typical of your sister to just stand idly by. You’re both useless. I’d be better off on my own.”
Mac stood in stunned silence as the bitterness in Janet’s weak voice pierced her. She saw Ryan visibly flinch, but he didn’t look at her. He kept his eyes trained on his mother.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Mum, but we’re both here anyway.”
“Am I supposed to feel grateful? Mindy should have been watching me. She let me fall.”
“I’m going to look at getting her – getting both of you – some help.”
“Typical of you to try and saddle someone else with your responsibility. Every day I wonder what I did to deserve such a pathetic excuse for a son.”
Mac’s sharp intake of breath caused Janet to twist in her bed and look at Mac, her eyes narrow and unfriendly.
“Are you a nurse?”
“This is Mackenzie,” Ryan said. “She’s my girlfriend.”
Janet muttered something about bastards and Ryan’s father.
“That’s enough, Mum,” Ryan said harshly, before glancing at Mac, his eyes full of apology.
Mac didn’t know why Ryan should be the one looking apologetic. The deliberately cruel comments made by Janet were the last thing Mac had expected, even after the conversation Ryan and Mindy had exchanged in front of the hospital earlier.
What kind of mother referred to her son as pathetic and useless before having a go at him for being like his bastard father? Whatever the relationship was between Ryan and his mother, he was still here. He’d still come. And he’d definitely been worried. But Janet was clearly furious, and Mac was pretty certain it had absolutely nothing to do with anything Ryan had or hadn’t done today.
The urge to rush to Ryan’s defence was almost overwhelming. Mac had to bite her lip to stop herself from saying anything. She didn’t know Janet, and the woman had just had a fall. Janet might be bitter and angry because of the past, but she was probably feeling shaken and vulnerable, too.
Besides, Mac couldn’t imagine that Ryan would appreciate her intervening on his behalf. He’d obviously been dealing with his mother’s criticism for a very long time. He might have wanted Mac by his side, but he would never expect her to fight his battles. What he needed was her support, and he had that in spades.
A middle-aged nurse walked into Janet’s room, her face lighting up when she saw Ryan. “Well, if it isn’t Morwell’s superstar!”
Ryan’s smile was equally warm as he greeted the nurse by name.
“Nella has been one of mum’s nurses on and off for the past couple of years,” Ryan explained to Mac.
“Try the last five,” Nella corrected.
“Has it really been that long?”
“You betcha it has.”
Janet’s mouth curved into an almost-smile. “Feels more like twenty.”
Mac braced herself for the nurse’s wrath, but instead of being upset by the comment, Nella merely grinned. “You can say that again, you old chook.”
After a beat of silence Mac realized Nella was studying her with interest. “It’s Mackenzie Lauren, isn’t it?”
“Sorry,” Ryan said straight away. “Nella, Mackenzie. Mackenzie, Nella.”
Mac smiled politely. “Hello.”
Almost immediately there was a speculative gleam in the nurse’s eyes that hadn’t been there before. Mac felt her stomach dip. The fact that people would see Ryan and hertogether had been the last thing on Mac’s mind. Anyone might have seen her walking though the hospital with Ryan.
Her mind raced ahead to all the different scenarios that might be printed in the Monday papers if someone decided to talk about them, but then a sense of calm stole through her.
They haven’t walked in your shoes. They don’t have to live with your decisions.
It didn’t matter what people thought. Not anymore.
“I’ve got the doctor coming around to talk to you and Mindy,” Nella told Ryan. “Where is Mindy, by the way?”
“She’s not in the hall?” Ryan asked.
“I didn’t see her there.”
“I’ll go look for her if you like?” Mac suggested.
Ryan nodded. “There’s a waiting room around the corner. She might have gone to sit down there.”
Mac walked out of the room and followed the corridor around until she saw a group of seats in front of a large window. Mindy was sitting there, staring out into the darkness. Mac walked over and sat down next to her. Mindy had to know she wasn’t alone anymore, but she was clearly off in a world of her own.
“The doctor wants to talk to you and Ryan,” Mac said softly, not really wanting to intrude on the quiet, reflective moment Mindy seemed to be having.
“Thanks,” Mindy said, standing up. “Are you coming?”
It was late in the evening and the rule was two visitors at a time. Mac didn’t want to push her luck with the staff since she technically wasn’t family and Mindy and Ryan would have each other there for support.
“I’ll wait until you’re finished speaking with the doctor. I’m afraid the room might be too crowded otherwise.”
“Okay. We shouldn’t be too long.”
***
Around twenty minutes had passed when Mindy reappeared holding two cups of coffee.
“Oh, you didn’t have to do that,” Mac said as Mindy held the cup out.
“Ryan’s orders,” Mindy explained. “He said to tell you he’s almost done here.”
“He doesn’t want to stay?”
“There’s not much else either of us can do right now. He and I need to discuss a few things, so I think he wants to talk to you about spending the night in Morwell.
“Of course,” Mac said, nodding. “What did the doctor say?”
Mindy sat down beside her. “Mum can go home tomorrow. She had a concussion so they’re keeping her in overnight. Aside from the broken wrist and concussion, she’s okay.”
“That’s good.”
Mac stared at her feet, not sure what else to say. Normally, small talk was something she found easy enough, however now didn’t really seem like the time for throwing around the mundane.
After an awkward moment, Mindy finally broke the silence. “Do you know you’re the first girl he’s ever brought home?”
“I know I’m the first “girlfriend.”
“He’s always avoided the whole relationship thing. Until now. I think Mum’s constant criticism, manipulation and emotional blackmail made him wary getting too close to anyone.”
“You think he’s afraid of being manipulated by someone else?”
“Maybe. I’m no psychologist. Whatever his reasons, Mum’s comments burned him pretty badly. Because Ryan was male and Mum was angry at Dad, Ryan copped most of the abuse. I’m so proud of him. He took the pain and hurt he felt and channelled it into acting. He’s a survivor, my brother.”
Mac had always admired Ryan, but now she admired him even more. He’d taken a personal tragedy and a childhood filled with abuse, and he’d found a way to use it. He’d triumphed. As Mindy had said, Ryan had survived.
And Mac would, too.
Earlier this evening she’d been questioning whether she would fall apart on Ryan if they broke up, but if Ryan could get over a miserable and abusive childhood, she could get over a break-up. It was that simple. Yesterday she’d decided she would borrow from Ryan’s strength, but she didn’t need to borrow from him anymore. She could use the bad and she could use the good. And the bad, like her break-up with Danny, only made her appreciate just how special and how good this new relationship with Ryan was.
“He’s pretty amazing,” Mac agreed.
Mindy started to say something once more, but trailed off as Ryan walked towards them.
He looked as though he had the world on his shoulders as he stood there, running a hand over his face, his stance tense. He glanced first at Mac, then at Mindy.
“I’m done,” he said. “I’m thinking of taking Mac to the Morwell Motel. She’ll be more comfortable there.”
It was on the tip of Mac’s tongue to say she didn’t care about comfort, wherever he wanted to stay was fine. However, she suspected it was Ryan who would be more comfortable spending the night somewhere other than in his childhood home and Mac wasn’t going to question him for it.
“Okay,” Mindy said easily, standing up. She gave Ryan a kiss on the cheek and, once Mac had risen, Mindy gave Mac one, too. “It was nice to meet you, Mac.”
“Likewise.”
Mindy’s comments about Ryan and meeting his mother had been enlightening. Even if the reason for them coming here was a negative one, the outcome for Mac was positive.
“Call me tomorrow,” Mindy told Ryan.
After Mindy had walked away, Mac walked up to Ryan, wrapped her arms around his middle and laid her cheek against his chest so that she could feel his strong, steady heartbeat. He sagged against her and when his arms came up to wrap around her, she had the feeling he was supporting himself and trying to stay upright as much as he was hugging her back.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered as he kissed the top of her head.
“I’m sorry, too.”
She looked up at him, but before she could tell him he had nothing to be sorry for, he surprised her. “I didn’t think about the fact that anyone could see us here together. This could end up in Women’s Daily News.”
“I don’t care.”
Despite the fact that he looked so tired he might fall over at any tick of the clock, he managed to look surprised. There was no reason he shouldn’t be a little bit sceptical, she supposed. Hours earlier he’d witnessed her fear of attending a work function where her work colleagues would see them together. But her fear of public scrutiny had dissipated this evening, along with all the doubts she’d once felt.
“It’s the truth,” Mac told him. “I don’t care who sees us, or what Women’s Daily News prints. Bring it on.”
His lips twitched. “Let’s get out of here.”
“You look beat. Do you want me to drive?”
It had been a very, very long time since she’d driven a car, but she wanted to take care of him tonight.
“Can you drive stick?” he asked.
“It’s been a looong time, but yes I can.”
He handed her the keys. “Take me away then.”
***
The following evening Ryan pulled into the Morwell Motor-Inn looking for the small yellow Holden Mac had hired from the car rental place a few hours ago. Originally the plan had been to head back to Melbourne this afternoon, but he hadn’t wanted to rush the conversation with his sister. With that in mind, the decision to stay another night in Morwell had been made, and Mac had decided to use the extra time to visit her parents in the neighbouring city of Traralgon.
He finally spotted Mac’s hire car and parked next to it before scraping together enough energy to climb out and walk to their room.
The door opened just as he was about to slide his key in. He drank in the sight of his girlfriend in short denim shorts and a flannel shirt, the tension in his chest easing for the first time since she’d left his side.
“I, ah, picked up some clothes from home. Congrats, you get to see me in my farm wear.”
He couldn’t have kept the grin off his face if he’d tried. “Very cute.”
“If you say so,” she said with a brief laugh before growing serious. “How did your conversation with Mindy go?”
“We’re going to get someone in to help with Mum. I still think Mindy needs to get out of there and start living her life again, but she doesn’t want to leave and I guess I can understand that. I just…I hate this. I feel so guilty. Mindy’s done her part looking after Mum, but I just can’t do it, Mac. I don’t want to take a turn at it. I can’t be in that house, day in, day out with someone who despises me because she sees my father in me. I’d…I’d end up hating her for it.”
Mac could hear the frustration, the anger, and the resentment in Ryan’s voice and her heart ached for him. She ran her hands along his arms.
“I hate the way I feel when I’m around her, Mac – this constant feeling of failure and disappointment.”
Last night Mindy had mentioned she thought Ryan was afraid of being emotionally manipulated again, and maybe she was right, but it was clear that Ryan had other fears, too.
Mac cupped his face in her hands. “You are the least disappointing man I’ve ever met and the farthest thing from a failure I’ve ever seen.”
He smiled. “You’re pretty spectacular yourself.”
She had the distinct impression her compliment had barely registered on his radar. “I’m serious. I tried so hard not to fall in love with you, but it was impossible because you are simply that awesome.”
His smile grew, but she wasn’t done yet. “Last night, at Lyndel’s party, she called me stupid for choosing to have a relationship with you.”
The smile he’d just been wearing was immediately replaced by a scowl, but Mac held her hands up to stop him from saying anything.
“It was the best thing that could have happened to me, Ryan. Because I realized something. I realized that being with you is the right decision for me, and that anyone else in my shoes would have made the same choice, Lyndel included. No one in their right mind would turn down the chance to be with the man they love. No one would turn down the chance to be with you.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“Well, anyone who would is an idiot. You’re gorgeous and sexy and-”
“Gorgeous and sexy, huh?” he asked, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her against him.
She looked up into his eyes. “And you’re an amazing actor, a wonderful friend. You love your sister and you try and do the best thing by her and your mother, even though the situation is so…difficult.”
He smiled down at her, obviously appreciating her tact.
“You are not useless. You are not a bastard. And you could never disappoint me. Never. I love you.”
Ryan felt raw emotion clog his throat as Mac spoke. Her words were so unexpected and yet they’d filled a hole – a hole he hadn’t even known existed. And now he had no idea what to say or how to thank her for being here with him this weekend – for being his soft place to fall.
As if she sensed the internal turmoil twisting inside him, Mac slid one hand behind his head and pulled his mouth down to hers. She stroked her tongue over his, causing pleasurable shocks to spread through every part of his body, the warm, heavy pull of desire settling in at the base of his spine and vibrating through to the pit of his stomach.
There was no way he should be capable of experiencing arousal after everything that had gone down this weekend, but Mac was so soft and warm in his arms, and she smelled and tasted of whatever she must have eaten at her parent’s farm – something with cinnamon and vanilla in it. The need to lose himself in her grew stronger with every kiss and touch they shared, as did the need to forget the day’s events, if only for a brief interlude.
His stubble must be harsh against her soft skin, since he hadn’t shaved this morning, but she didn’t push him away. Instead she pulled him closer and whimpered softly when his hands stroked down her back to settle over the curve of her backside. He was helpless to stop himself from responding to her, and her small needy whimper and the press of her hips against his only encouraged him.
She said nothing as he undid the buttons on her shirt. When he saw the red and black lace material cupping her breasts, his excitement increased ten-fold. She let the shirt fall off her shoulders and then undid the catch on her bra, exposing herself to his gaze.
Her nipples were just as hard as the erection currently straining against his zipper, begging for release. And when she pushed her shorts and matching underwear off her hips and stood naked before him, he wanted her so badly he didn’t know where to touch first.
She moved closer to him and kissed him so tenderly that he stopped thinking. He lost himself in her kiss for several sweet, long moments before moving on to press his lips to her jaw, her neck, only stopping to suck on the spot where he could feel her pulse beating wildly. She moaned lightly and pushed her breasts against his chest. The feel of her naked body pressed against his left him trembling.
“Take me,” she whispered as he parted her thighs to find her slick and ready.
It was all the encouragement he needed. Desperate to sink into her lush body, he walked her backwards until she hit the wall, all the while undoing his belt and the catch on his jeans. He freed his erection and picked her up. The moment she went to wrap her legs around his waist, he slid his aching shaft along the seam of her sex, before he positioned himself at her entrance and slowly inched his way into her waiting heat. He was rewarded by the tight fit of her sex and he grunted as she squeezed him with her legs and pulled him deeper inside her.
His heart rate tripled as he surged forward and filled her completely. “Mac. You feel way too good.”
He gripped her hip with one hand and braced the wall with the other. She was wrapped around him so tightly that it was impossible to do more than thrust shallowly, but with the angle he had, his length rubbed against her bundle of nerves and her slick walls clenched around him with every movement. Her body was so responsive that he found himself barrelling towards satisfaction far too quickly.
He tried to slow down and take it all in - the hot, quick rush of his blood, her excited gasps, her ragged breath, the feel of her nails scratching down his back - but when she cried out and climaxed around him, he couldn’t hold back any longer. He claimed her mouth again, his tongue sliding against hers as he gave in to the urge to deepen and quicken his movements. He drove them harder and faster, until she was coming again.
When the pleasure finally became too much and his body tightened in preparation for his release, she whispered into his ear how much she loved him, how much he meant to her. He exploded instantly, spilling himself inside her, giving her all of him while taking back a part of himself he’d thought lost forever.
As they stood there together, unmoving, he couldn’t shake the feeling that Mac made him feel complete in ways he’d never thought possible.