Lights, Camera, Kiss Me (Original): Chapter 14
"We lost control. Everybody saw it."
A/N: Here's the next chapter. Finally! Sometimes I equate writing a story with playing chess. You're trying to think about ten steps ahead while making your current move, lol. At the moment I believe there will be 18-22 chapters, including an epilogue.
I know this story has been frustrating in parts. I fear the first part of the chapter might frustrate you again, but hang in there. Everything is about to change! *Grins happily.* Thanks Jenn for your wonderful editing suggestions <3
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"Okay, are you going to tell me what that was I walked in on back there with you, Ryan and Danny? Or am I going to have to torture it out of you?"
Jazz had sat and watched their make-up guru, Denise, make Mac look 'fab, fab and more fab' – Denise's words, not Mac's. It had been obvious that Jazz was itching to ask her something. Thankfully, her friend had held back her questions until they'd left the room. Their make-up artist was brilliant at making up faces. She was also brilliant at repeating the gossip she heard while doing her job.
"You didn't walk in on anything."
She'd told Ryan how she felt. Instead of rejecting her, like she'd expected him to, he'd offered her a proper relationship. She'd asked him why. For just a moment she'd foolishly allowed herself to hope he might love her. Pointless devastation and disappointment had followed when she'd realized he did not love her. Then Danny had thankfully interrupted them.
"Come on Mac, Ryan looked like he was about to rip Danny's throat out."
"You know he wasn't happy when I agreed to working with Danny."
It was the truth, but it was hardly the only thing Ryan was unhappy about right now. She'd turned down his offer of a permanent relationship. He was probably hurt and confused. It was a big deal for Ryan to offer something like that. Mac wouldn't pretend otherwise or patronize him, and no doubt they weren't close to being done talking about it. But she couldn't allow herself to be moved on the issue. If she did, it could be the end of her job.
So. When you do talk about it again, you need to stay strong. You have to say no until he accepts it. And if he doesn't accept it, you'll explain why you can't agree. It would never work out. It just wouldn't. It couldn't. There are too many obstacles in the way. Not to mention that he might like the idea of a permanent relationship now, but no relationship lasts past three months with Ryan. Sure, there is a first time for everything, but why should things be any different with you?
"Danny is an ex who screwed you over," Jazz said. "None of us were happy about it, but Ryan looked more than unhappy. He looked downright scary."
"You're exaggerating," Mac said.
"Trust me, I'm not."
Maybe she should have sent Danny away – asked him to come back later, but she'd needed the break from the emotional upheaval she'd been experiencing. When Ryan approached her to finish their conversation she would apologize and do her best to set everything straight between them. She wouldn't allow herself to become flustered and hopeful this time. She'd plan out their conversation first.
"Come on Mac," Jazz pleaded when Mac remained silent. "I'm dying to know what Danny could have said that would make Ryan look as if he were about to murder him."
"It was really nothing. Danny just wanted to know if we could go over our scene together," she told Jazz.
"Your kissing scene?"
"Yes."
"So, Danny wanted to go over your kiss and Ryan got all pissed about it? Do we have our own love triangle happening on-screen and off-screen?"
"Danny is still in love with his ex. I'm in love with Ryan. Ryan wants me, but doesn't love me. There's no triangle."
Mac worried at her bottom lip as she waited for the truth bomb she'd just dropped to detonate. Three-two-one.
"God, Mac."
"I know, I know. I'm such an idiot."
"Not just that. Why didn't you tell me earlier? The headline was true, wasn't it?"
Mac nodded glumly.
"I can't believe you kept this from me. Trying to get anything out of you lately has been like pulling teeth. I know you like to keep your cards close to your chest, but I'm your friend. We used to talk all the time. Now you barely say anything unless I badger it out of you. Don't you trust me?"
It appeared she wasn't done feeling like a bad friend today. First, she'd hurt Ryan by choosing to avoid him for the past three weeks instead of coming straight out with the truth, and now she'd hurt Jazz by attempting to keep her romantic mistakes to herself.
She did trust Jazz, but Mac was more than a little embarrassed about falling in love with her co-star. Moreover, talking about her feelings for Ryan had the potential to change the dynamics between everyone – make them feel like they had to pick sides, or feel awkward around the two of them. Keeping her mouth shut had seemed like the best idea for everyone. However, with Ryan now in the know, and her decision to avoid him at all costs, Jazz needed the truth.
"Of course I trust you. But this was...embarrassing. Humiliating."
"I knew there was something going on between you and Ryan because Brad has hinted at it more than once, but every time I ask him about it he says that I should ask Ryan."
It wasn't the first time that Jazz had indicated that Brad knew something about what was going on, but Mac had never sought more information because she hadn't wanted to shine any more light on the subject, or field any more questions. Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
Jazz blew out a breath. "I should have pushed this earlier. I knew there was more to it when the two of you always had an excuse to miss so many of the things I invited you to, and you never seemed to be at the same group things, but I tried to talk myself out of thinking it was true."
"You wanted to credit me with more intelligence than this current predicament would suggest I have, right?"
"I don't mean it like that, but after Danny I had hoped that this wouldn't happen. Blainesworth…"
"I know. He doesn't like co-stars dating. He's already warned me that I should make my career my number one priority here."
And she had. Mac mentally gave herself a pat on the back for that. Her methods had been hurtful and she regretted that now, but they'd been effective. She'd successfully worked with someone she was in love with – someone who didn't return her feelings. For the past three weeks she'd nursed her heartache and managed to get through each day without 'losing it'. That was a big step forward for her. Ryan would probably be proud of her, if he chose to forgive her for the way she'd behaved toward him the past few weeks.
She hoped he would. It would be awful if Ryan stayed angry with her. When they talked again, she had to end their friendship the way she should have done before, with no secrets between them. This time Ryan would know exactly how she felt him and why she was doing it.
"And he's right," Jazz said. "You need to put your energy into your work."
"I am. But even if I wasn't, I'd be okay. I don't have to worry about anything happening between Ryan and I, because he doesn't feel the same way I do."
"He knows, then?"
"He knows," Mac confirmed. "He was hurt and upset because I've been avoiding him lately. I had to tell him why."
"Did he give you his whole 'let's keep it casual, I'm not in it for the long haul' talk?"
"No," Mac sighed. "He told me he wanted to try something permanent, something serious."
Ryan had looked and sounded sincere as he'd told her he didn't want anything casual – that he wanted them to be together so they could see where things went. Her heart twisted in her chest as she thought about what she would be missing out on by rejecting his offer. Your job. You have to think about your job. The chances that a real relationship with him would work out are slim to none. Then you'd have thrown it all away for nothing.
"That…doesn't sound like Ryan at all," Jazz said, frowning.
"It was the last thing I was expecting." Mac paused for a moment before adding, "Just for a moment, I thought maybe he loved me back. But when I asked him why he wanted to jump into a committed relationship, he had no answer."
"Oh, sweetie," Jazz said sympathetically. "Ryan is a great guy, but he's never going to be the man you take home to meet your mother. He doesn't do commitment. I know he said he wanted permanent, but I'm not sure he even knows what that means. It would have been a disaster in the making."
"I know. It's why I tried so hard not to fall for him," Mac told her.
"You can't stop yourself from falling in love."
"Well, that's not fair. You should be able to."
Jazz laughed. "Maybe you can, but I don't know how. Do you know how much heartache I could have saved myself if I knew how to stop myself from falling in love with the wrong guys?"
Jazz had had her share of romantic blunders. Not with her leading men, but she'd certainly dated a few losers and Mac had heard about them over the past year.
Mac nodded. "I do."
"I know it might not sound like it right now, but maybe there's a silver lining in all of this," Jazz said. "If Ryan felt the same way you did, it might be close to impossible to resist getting involved with him, and you know how Blainesworth would feel about that."
"My job would be over. My career would be over."
"Exactly. Aren't you glad you don't have to choose between following your heart and keeping your job?"
"Yes," Mac said.
Now if only Mac could convince herself it was the truth.
* * *
Ryan stood on the side of the set, script in hand. He didn't bother trying to do a last minute read-through. He was too angry to concentrate on his lines. Mac had ignored him and avoided him for three weeks without any explanation, and when he'd finally cornered and confronted her about it, she'd dumped that giant-ass bombshell on him and left before he'd had the appropriate time to respond!
No, that wasn't quite true. He'd put himself on the line – offered her more than he'd offered any other woman. He'd told her how much he cared about her, and she'd all but dismissed it, and him, the moment her ex-boyfriend had turned up! She'd made it perfectly clear she'd rather be kissing the man that had broken her heart than give any thought to his suggestion that they try something permanent.
Damn it, he knew he hadn't said that he loved her, but if she would have given him half a chance to figure it out before she decided they had no future together, he would have told her. And yes, he knew Blainesworth was an issue. And yes, he wasn't deluded enough to believe love conquered all, but shouldn't she have given what he offered just a little thought?
The anger built inside him until he felt as if he was about to turn into The Hulk at any given moment – not the best way to go into a scene they had to do together. The last thing he wanted was to screw up his lines and have to re-watch Mac kiss Westlaker, but if he couldn't get his anger temporarily under control and remember his lines, he just might have to. Wouldn't that be the cherry on top of the last three shittiest weeks of his life?
"Ryan."
Ryan looked up to find one of the writers, Kelly, in front of him.
"We've made an amendment to the scene you're about to shoot."
Great, he didn't have his head around the lines he had so far and now they were changing the scene on him. This just kept getting better and better.
"It's a relatively small add-on," Kelly told him. "A kiss."
Ryan looked at the revised script Kelly placed in his hands, reading through to the end quickly. After Stone interrupted the kiss, he kissed Brianna himself.
"There's no change to the dialogue, just to the way things end between Stone and Brianna. Ending the scene with a kiss will leave no doubt in Brianna's mind that Stone is serious," Kelly added. "When we started writing next week's episode, we realized we needed something more between the two of you right here."
"Has Mac seen this yet?"
As if the question had conjured her, Mac walked in with Jazz. She was freshly made up and looking good enough to eat in her formfitting, dark purple knit dress. It didn't seem to matter that he was pissed at her, his body responded to the sight of her anyway. His heart raced and he felt breathless. Lust had made him its slave, and now it seemed love was doing the same.
Mac looked up and met his gaze for a moment. She gave him a small smile. Or maybe it was an apologetic smile? Before he could analyse it too much, her eyes flicked over to Kelly.
"Ah, she's finally back from make-up," Kelly said. "I'll go fill her in now."
Ryan read over the scene to himself. The kiss they'd added was even more passionate and intense than the last one they'd shared, and his libido was off and running before he could stop it. Maybe he was biased, but he couldn't help thinking that the extra kiss was exactly what was needed here. This felt more in character for Stone. And his jealousy and the need to claim Brianna as his was something Ryan could relate to far too easily.
He waited on the sidelines until the director called him up. Mac and Westlaker went through their lines while Ryan was forced to watch. The moment Westlaker slid his arms around Mac and pressed his lips against hers, Ryan wanted to dive onto the stage and break them up, but he managed to hang in there for the required amount of time and then he used the jealousy pummelling at him to make his entrance.
"I see you're making a habit of kissing men in Hart's Valley, Brianna."
Mac sprang away from Westlaker quickly, looking appropriately shocked, annoyed and guilty all at once. The scene was supposed to be taking place at a house party. Brianna and Luke – Westlaker's character – had slipped off to one of the empty bedrooms.
"Stone," she addressed him tightly. "I don't think kisses under duress should count."
"I hope you're not counting our kiss as that. I can't remember the last time I was with a woman who enjoyed me kissing her so much."
Mac's eyes glittered with fury as heat poured into her cheeks. God, she was so beautiful.
"And what does that tell you, Stone? Perhaps your other women don't enjoy your kisses as much as you think they do."
"Doubtful," he smirked. "But, for the record, there haven't been any other women. Not since I kissed you."
Her mouth fell open in response, but Westlaker spoke before she could.
"Was this interruption necessary?"
"I assure you you'll thank me for it later," he said, looking at Brianna. "This woman might seem warm and willing, but she's only using you to make me jealous."
Mac's outraged gasp was perfectly timed.
"Besides, Sawyer and Yvette are waiting for you at the bar downstairs. Apparently you have business to discuss?"
"Yes. We do. Brianna, could we continue this another time?"
"Yes. I would like that."
Her smile was suitably forced. Westlaker nodded and then, after a beat, he left them.
"How dare you!" she yelled, the moment the two of them were alone together. "You…you…pig!"
"He's not right for you, Brianna."
"And you are?"
"He's not one of us. He's not staying here in the Valley."
"He could change his mind."
"You're delusional. You're so busy running from us-"
"Us?" she cried. "There is no us, Stone."
"You're wrong, Brianna. When are you going to stop denying what's between us?"
"I'm not denying or running from anything!"
"No?"
"No!"
"I want you. You want me. This thing is going to happen between us – hell, it is already happening between us. You're leading Luke on."
"You're delusional. You can't stand the fact that I turned you down and you hate seeing me with Luke-"
"Yes," he bit out. "I do. Is that what you want to hear?"
She seemed shell-shocked by his admission. Stunned.
"I wanted to kill him when I saw him touching you. I had to get rid of him before I did something stupid."
"Stone," she whispered, as he came towards her.
They stood toe to toe, and as the silence went on, neither of them moving, the tension increased and his excitement at what was coming skyrocketed. He might have been more than a little cross over the way the last conversation between them had ended, but he was somewhat placated right now by the fact that he was going to be able to kiss her. He'd never been in love before, had never kissed someone he loved.
His gaze locked on her lips. He could feel the tension suddenly radiating from her as she stood still, and when his eyes flicked back up to meet hers, he could see the vulnerability in them. She was clearly terrified of what was coming, of kissing him. He forgot everything except the need to reassure her that she wasn't in this alone. He felt it too. She loved him and he loved her right back.
"Brianna."
He slid his hand around the nape of her neck, drawing her so close he could feel her body against his, igniting his desire for her further. Her blue eyes turned smoky as they clung to his, and he allowed himself to stare into them a moment before he lowered his mouth to hers and took what he wanted so badly. The kiss was supposed to start off slow and gentle and then escalate quickly, but the moment he tasted her he lost the ability to take it slowly.
Her lips parted under his immediately and then his tongue was in her mouth, stroking along the length of hers as he backed her up against the wall. She clung to him as he ground his hips against hers, conveying just how much he wanted her. His hands went to her hips and he lifted her slightly off the floor so he could move between her legs. She moved her thighs so that they were gripping his hips. Feeling the heat of her against his throbbing erection was all it took for him to lose his mind.
Keeping her pinned in place with his hips, he allowed himself to touch her. Every whimper she made, every slide of her tongue against his, reminded him of what it had been like to be inside her – her hot, wet heat encompassing him, her fingernails digging into him as his body had stroked in and out of hers. It was all he could do to stop himself from ripping aside her underwear and taking her against the wall. He settled instead for sliding the peak of his erection against her and deepening the kiss when she gasped.
There were people watching them. That thought was there, trying to swipe through the fog in his head, but it failed to make a dent. His hands slid under her dress as she sucked on his tongue.
"Cut!"
It took more than a moment for the thick fog of lust in his head to clear, and by that time Mac was already sliding her legs from his hips. But he wasn't ready to let her go – not even close. Unfortunately, he had no choice. He let his hands fall from her and stepped away.
"That was practically pornographic," Mitch called out to them, before his face split into a wide grin. "I love me a good skin flick, but I'm not in the habit of filming them. Let's try the scene again, turn down the heat a fraction, and keep your hands where I can see them."
There was no way Ryan could kiss Mac again and turn down the heat. He ran a hand through his hair. "Can I have a moment, Mitch?"
Mitch smiled knowingly. "Five minute break enough?"
An hour-long cold shower wouldn't be long enough.
"Can I have ten?" Ryan asked.
"Knock yourself out."
Mac was already leaving the stage, walking into one of the empty hallways that led away from the set, her back to him. He followed her. He had no idea where she was going or what was going through her head after that out-of-control kiss they'd just shared, but he had to find out. More importantly, he had to tell her how he felt about her.
"Mac."
When she didn't respond, he reached out and grabbed her arm, turning her around. Thank god there was no one around. One look at her dark eyes and kiss-swollen lips and he was incapable of keeping the distance between them. He was moving in and caressing her lips with the pad of his thumb before he even realized he was doing it.
Looking torn between fear, arousal and anger, she turned her face away from his touch and put her hands against his chest to stop him from getting any closer.
"You shouldn't have followed me. Not after…after that. We lost control. Everybody saw it."
She was clearly upset. His first instinct was to comfort her and reassure her that everything would be fine, but he wasn't at all sure he'd be telling her the truth. He'd kissed her without showing a lick of restraint, and she'd responded with just as much abandon. He suspected Mac believed he should have found the strength to hold back. Despite the knowledge that their attraction was mutual she saw him as the less affected party. She was clueless.
His feelings for her were so overwhelming, so potent, and he didn't stand much chance of keeping them under control. He'd never acted so recklessly before. He had to tell her how he felt and then work out how to proceed from here.
"I know, but we need to talk, don't you think?" he asked her.
"Yes. We do."
"Have dinner with me tonight."
"I can't."
"You can't, or you won't?"
"We do need to talk, but not over dinner."
"Mac-"
"Ryan, no, it's too much like a date. We can't do that. I can't do that. It would never work out. I could lose everything. My job. You have to understand."
"I do," he said to her.
And he did. He understood only too well. After all, this wasn't the first scene he'd screwed up these past few weeks. This whole thing between them was messing with him. The lack of sleep, the lack of appetite, the feeling as if nothing in the world was right anymore. For the first time in his life, he was really starting to worry about his own ability to perform properly.
He honestly had no idea how he could work with her, day in, day out, if they weren't together. However, he was hardly going to tell her that. Blackmailing a woman into a relationship was not his style. Whatever decision Mac made he would respect – providing she took his feelings into account. He was in love with her.
Right now she seemed determined to run, to stick to her decision to dump their friendship and avoid him, but he was about to play his trump card. He hoped to God it made a difference.
"I'm sorry, Ryan. What you offered-"
"Is something I've never offered anyone else before."
"I know. And it's a great offer, but you don't do permanent relationships."
"I do now. I want a permanent relationship and I want it with you," he said to her.
"It would never last."
"Ask me why," he demanded.
"Sorry?"
"Ask me why I suddenly want a permanent relationship with you. You asked me earlier. Ask me again."
She stared at him for a beat before she sighed and gave in. "Why do you suddenly want a permanent relationship with me?"
"Because I'm in love with you, Mackenzie."
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A/N: I've had some really wonderful comments from readers - comments that make me really think over how I'm telling this story and whether it is working or not. The last few chapters I've seen "I'm on Mac's side," or, "I'm on Ryan's side." For me there is only one side. The side of RyMac :D
There was one comment, however, that I did want to address here and that was about Mac leading Danny on. In Mac's mind Danny is still hung up on his ex. I hope this chap cleared that up :) Thanks for reading, and please vote and comment <3