Lights, Camera, Kiss Me (Original): Chapter 5
"The right time to tell you..."
Thanks Bex and Daisy for pre-reading XOXO
___________________________________________________________________________
Mac held her breath. This was it, wasn’t it? Ryan was going to tell her that they shouldn’t spend time together outside the studio anymore – just like she’d dreamed about last night. She’d had one chance to show him she could handle this thing between them; one chance to prove that his friendship was the only thing she really wanted from him, and she’d blown it. Hot humiliation swept through her.
“Brianna and Stone,” he said to her, “they’re getting involved next season.”
“What?”
“They’re writing us together; stepping up our romance.”
“No. It’s too soon.”
“I know it is, but it’s the direction they’re taking.”
“I thought…I thought they’d want to draw it out.”
He shook his head. “They don’t.”
Ryan’s hand was still wrapped around her arm. Mac would have pulled it free if she’d had any faith in her ability to stay upright. Her co-star was used to dealing with cool, calm and professional actresses, but cool and calm was the last thing she felt right now. Panicked and terrified were much closer to the mark. She wasn’t ready for this. She needed more time to sort out her feelings for him; to overcome the attraction she felt towards him.
“Are you sure?” she asked him. “How do you know?”
“Claire told me.”
“But we haven’t been in the studio this year.”
Was it possible Ryan had it wrong? Maybe he was only speculating.
“I know,” he said to her. “I found out last year.”
“Last year?”
“On our last day of shooting.”
“But…you never said anything. You didn’t tell me.”
“I was looking for the right time to tell you.”
“And that’s now, is it?”
“We’re back in the studio, so…I’m out of time,” he told her.
She couldn’t believe he’d waited this long to tell her. Did he think she was going to lose it and crack under the pressure? Even if things had been strained between them lately, he’d known since the end of shooting last year – before everything had become weird between them. So why hadn’t he told her? Why hadn’t he talked to her about it? Did he think her so inexperienced and incompetent that she couldn’t handle it?
Kissing her leading men was part of her job description. This shouldn’t have been a big deal. Goodness knows Ryan had kissed his share of leading ladies, but his eyes were filled with worry. He was probably waiting for her to have the inevitable meltdown he believed was coming, especially after what she’d said to him at Jazz’s party. Her co-star had always looked out for her, and she’d always appreciated it, but today she found it insulting.
Yes, she was attracted to him, and yes she was more than a little nervous about Brianna and Stone becoming involved, but she wasn’t so pathetic that she was going to fall in a heap and forget how to do her job. He’d proved he wasn’t going to let the attraction he felt towards her impinge on his life in anyway, hopping from one bed to another since their dance. She had to prove to him that she wasn’t going to let what she felt for him get the better of her. She could still do her job.
“Mac?”
“It’s sooner than I would have expected this to come, but it should be…fun.”
Ryan stared at her, unable to believe what he was hearing. Fun? He’d been freaking out over how to tell her for the last two months, and she’d coolly dismissed it as if it was going to be nothing but a frolicking good time. She just wasn’t getting it. Brianna and Stone were going to be hooking up. That was going to involve the two of them exploring some of their intense chemistry whilst trying to remember they were being filmed.
“Mac, I don’t think you understand,” he said to her.
“I do understand,” she told him, “but this shouldn’t be a big deal.”
“It shouldn’t be, but it is.”
“Why? This is our job, Ryan.”
“I’m well aware of that, Mac, but that doesn’t mean this isn’t anything to worry about.”
“Why? Because of what I said at Jazz’s party? Look, if I gave you the impression I was struggling with…what I feel, I was wrong to do that. I have this under control. You don’t need to worry about me. I can handle this.”
Ryan frowned. Did Mac believe she was the only one struggling with this thing between them? How could she possibly think that after the dance they’d shared? The more time he spent time with her, the more he wanted her, and the harder it was to resist her. He wasn’t sure how he was going to handle the scenes they were going to share this season. The potential for their on-set heat to become off-set heat was far too high.
“It’s not just you I’m worried about,” he tried to tell her. “I don’t think you understand quite how much I want to act on this thing between us, Mackenzie.”
“You’re right,” she said to him. “I don’t understand. You’ve been ignoring me for three weeks, and sleeping with everything in a skirt. I’d say you’ve been doing a very good job of not acting on it.”
Mac silently cursed herself for giving away just how much she disliked the fact that he’d been spending his time in the company of other women. It wasn’t her business. She shouldn’t care. And she wasn’t supposed to be jealous, but he was acting as if he felt some uncontrollable urge to be with her when that clearly wasn’t the case.
“Is that what you think?” he asked her. “There’s not a day gone by that I haven’t thought about you, Mac.”
She swallowed and finally pulled her arm free of his grip, before taking a step back. “We’re supposed to be friends,” she said to him.
“Which is why I’m telling you this.”
“Yet you couldn’t tell me about Stone and Brianna’s romance next season until now?”
“No,” he said to her. “I couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
For some reason she was feeling like a masochist today. She wanted to hear him say it – he thought she couldn’t cope with it.
He took a step towards her. “Why do you think?”
“It’s because you think I can’t handle this – us; because you think I won’t be able to do my job,” she told him, unable to keep the hurt out of her voice. “Isn’t it?”
“What? No. How could you think that? I think you’re amazing. You’re better than the majority of the actresses I’ve worked with. I’m sure I’ve told you that before.”
Relief washed through her. He hadn’t kept it from her because he was worried she couldn’t cope. So why had he kept it from her?
He must be just as worried about this thing between them as she was – about how he would respond to her. She hadn’t believed it a moment ago. However now it seemed like the only possible reason he’d kept it from her.
A thrill of feminine satisfaction ran through her before the gravity of what it meant set in. If his desire for her was as strong as he was telling her, then the potential for her to screw up was that much bigger. And what about their friendship now? Was there any chance things could go back to normal between them?
“I wish things could go back to the way they were,” she confided in him. “I miss hanging out with you. I don’t want us to not hang out together anymore.”
“I know, but we can’t pretend that nothing is different when it is. I’m trying so hard to resist this. I don’t want what happened between you and Westlaker to happen between you and me.”
“It won’t,” she told him.
“How sure are you about that, Mac?” he asked her softly, taking a step closer towards her.
Mac went to take a step back, but she felt the kitchen bench behind her. Ryan took another step towards her, and then his arms came up to brace the bench on either side of her, trapping her in front on him. His lips were just inches away from hers, and his eyes were so dark that they were barely recognizable. His frame was filled with tension, as if he was only just managing not to close the distance between them.
“If we sleep together it could mess up everything,” he told her. “Even if it would be… good between us.”
Ryan watched her lips part in surprise at his comment; watched the colour hit her cheeks as her blue eyes widened and latched into his. She was so beautiful. Irresistible. He couldn’t believe she’d doubted just how much she affected him. He wanted to kiss her, taste her. He watched as the wariness in her eyes was replaced with desire. Everything about her was so tempting, and he didn’t think she had any idea how much so. There was no way he’d get through one of their scenes together if she looked at him like that on set.
“You make it so damn hard to resist you, do you know that? You keep putting out these signals.”
“What signals?”
“Your eyes, your lips, your face; they tell me so much.”
“What do they tell you?” she asked him breathlessly.
“That you want me to kiss you.”
“Oh,” she breathed softly.
“They tell me you want to go to bed with me.”
“Ryan.”
“They tell me you want me inside you.”
She gasped, and Ryan pushed himself away from her. He’d just crossed the line. His blood had all rushed south; which at least partly explained why he wasn’t thinking straight. Mac was standing there looking so shocked, and sexy, and aroused. It would take so very little for things to explode between them. Did she see that yet? This was bad. He was in too deep. They both were. Their co-stars were in the other room, and yet he’d forgotten that fact for a moment. Mac probably had too.
Why did this have to be so damn hard? He cared about her. He didn’t want to hurt her. He knew they couldn’t be together while they were both working on Hart’s Valley, but every time he got close to her, the fact that they weren’t supposed to be together seemed less and less important.
“I’m sorry,” he said to her. “I know we’re friends. And I miss what we had too, but I think…I think we could both do with some distance here.”
Mac closed her eyes and resisted the urge to beg Ryan to change his mind. As much as she wished it wasn’t so, she realized now that this was the right course of action. His deliberately suggestive words and actions had left her feeling shaken, but not because they were inappropriate. No, she was shaken because of the intense need they’d sparked in her. Every time she was near him lately, he left her a quivering, needy, unsatisfied mess. This dangerous and potent mutual need that they had for each other was likely to end in pain and heartbreak – for her, anyway. She had to let him take a step back, and she needed to do the same.
“You’re right. I think we do need some distance,” she told him.
“What’s going on in here?”
She turned to see Brad leaning in the kitchen doorway, looking at them with more interest than was comfortable. She quickly returned to doing the dishes.
“Nothing,” Ryan answered.
It was nothing now, but a moment ago it hadn’t been nothing. In fact it felt as if it had been a whole lot of something.
“We’re going down to the beach to play cricket,” Brad said. “You guys in?”
“I’m heading off,” Ryan said.
“Oh, come on,” Brad said to him. “The twins can’t wait? Numbers will be uneven without you.”
“Sorry,” Ryan said. “You’re going to have to find someone else to fill my spot.”
Mac tried to get through the last few dishes as fast as she could. She had agreed with Ryan that he should keep his distance, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t saddened by the fact that it had come to this. She’d been closer to Ryan than to anyone else in the city, and it wouldn’t be easy to get used to his absence. She wasn’t the only one who would miss him either. They all would.
The Hart’s Valley cast had enjoyed a tight-knit family dynamic throughout their first season. Maybe she had to do her bit and bow out of some of their group activities. It wasn’t fair that Ryan had to be the one being left out of group activities. They could take it in turns. If she had to endure some nights at home alone, then she would do it. Mac tried to shut out the sense of loss she felt at the thought.
She would have to make the most of the time she did spend with her friends if she wasn’t going to be hanging out with them as much anymore, she decided.
“Well, these are done,” Mac said, putting the last dish in the dish rack. “I guess I’ll get ready to go.”
Ryan watched Brad move out of the way to let Mac through. Once Mac was gone, Brad walked into the kitchen.
“What’s going on between you and Mac? And don’t tell me, ‘nothing.’ I know what I saw.”
Ryan sighed. “You didn’t see anything.”
“You sleeping with her?”
“No.” Not yet, anyway.
“Is that why you haven’t been hanging around lately? Because you slept with Mac and now you’re giving her the brush off?” Brad persisted.
“I haven’t slept with Mac,” Ryan told him.
“I really like this show,” Brad told him. “I really like this cast.”
“As do I.”
“We’re on a winner here with Hart’s Valley,” Brad persisted, giving him a hard stare. “I’m not going to mess with it. Are you?”
“I’m trying really hard not to,” Ryan admitted.
“Good,” Brad said. “Mac doesn’t deserve to be messed around again.”
“I know that.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but look at your track record. You haven’t dated anyone for more than a few months at a time.”
“I know,” Ryan repeated, this time through gritted teeth.
“You’d break her heart and then our show would be dust,” Brad continued. “The main reason people watch the show is because of Stone and Brianna.”
“They watch it because it’s good drama,” Ryan told him, not willing to take the credit for why their show had the following it did.
Brad laughed. “They watch it because they want to see the two of you get it on.”
“Yeah, well, they’re going to get their wish,” Ryan told him.
Brad looked at him blankly.
“Claire told me that things between Brianna and Stone are heating up this season.”
“Seriously? That’s awesome news,” Brad told him.
Awesome wasn’t the word Ryan would use to describe the situation. Disaster, calamity, mess, and catastrophe - they were the words that came to mind when he thought about it.
“Ratings are going to go through the roof,” Brad said. “And your little problem with Mac is solved. Everyone knows things only went screwy between her and Danny after their characters started sleeping together on Junction Hospital. She’d never get involved with her leading man again. All you have to do is tell her.”
“She knows.”
“And?”
“And I’m leaving,” Ryan said to him, clapping him on the shoulder. “You need to find another sixth for cricket.”
And for everything else until he had this thing with Mac under control, he thought sadly. If that was even possible.
***
One month after they started shooting the second season of Hart’s Valley, Ryan was still keeping his distance. Even though Mac hated it, she knew better than to try and stop him. Thankfully, their friends seemed to be clueless about the fact that they were avoiding each other.
Ryan had initially been reluctant to take her place when the group was getting together, but she’d insisted they accept invitations in turns. He’d eventually agreed it was for the best. After all, he would have found it difficult to keep putting their friends off. It was better this way, and it was all working out – well, except for the sense of loneliness which had made itself at home inside her.
Despite the fact that she was around people every day, she couldn’t seem to shake off the misery she’d begun to feel. Even today, both Jazz and Vanessa had commented on the fact that she didn’t seem herself. It didn’t help that tonight the gang was going out to eat at one of Mac’s favourite pasta restaurants in Melbourne. Ryan was going, so she wouldn’t be. She would be spending Friday night alone.
Mac made her way towards the set where they were shooting the latest episode of Hart’s Valley. She slid into the studio via the back door as quietly as possible. She still liked to watch Ryan work. She’d made a habit of it last year, and try as she might, she just couldn’t seem to let the habit go. She sat down on one of the tables, in the shadows at the back where she had a good view of the set.
As usual, the sight of Ryan in his suit made her heart beat faster and her body grow warmer. The character he played, Stone, was a cool and calculating businessman, known for his ruthlessness both in love and in the boardroom. She hadn’t shared too many scenes with Ryan yet this year, but all that was about to change. Their romantic storyline was now being set in swing, though Mac couldn’t say she was entirely happy about the direction they’d decided to go in.
Vanessa was on stage with Ryan. She played Yvette Sullivan, Stone’s stepsister, and it was her line that kicked off the scene.
“I can see you have a plan, Stone.”
“Indeed I do.”
“One that will involve trouble, I can tell.”
“Yes, but not for us.”
“For whom then, dare I ask?”
“Brianna Davis.”
“You’re evil,” Vanessa said.
“No, Yvette. I’m just desperate. We need her land.”
“She’s just lost her father.”
“Which means the land is hers to do with as she pleases.”
“How will you get her to part with it? She hates you. She’d rather see it go to Sawyer, than to you.”
“Well, you know what they say? There’s a fine line between-”
“Love and hate, yes I believe I might have heard that once or twice.”
“Brianna is going to realize she loves me.” Ryan’s voice was full of arrogance.
“A little cocky aren’t we?”
“Seduction is something I happen to do very well.”
“So you say.”
“Believe me. I’ll have Brianna signing over her land to us in no time at all.”
Mac had to hand it to the writers. She’d thought that throwing Stone and Brianna together would be a terrible move so early on in the show, but this storyline was going to be a winner. Their viewers would be desperate to see Stone seduce Brianna, despite the fact that love clearly wasn’t on Stone’s agenda. People would keep tuning in week after week to see if Stone could shatter Brianna’s heart into a million pieces.
Deciding that perhaps today wasn’t the best time to watch this particular scene, Mac stood up and slipped out the back door before Ryan walked off the set. She almost colliding with Jazz just outside the entrance.
“Mac, there you are!” Jazz exclaimed. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”
“Here I am,” Mac said.
“It’s decided, you have to come tonight.”
“I can’t-”
“I know, you’ve already told us you have to call your father to make sure he takes his medicine, but we’ll just remind you to call him.”
It had been a lame excuse Mac had given her friend, she knew, but she was running low on half-decent reasons for avoiding her friends. At least this one had been the truth. Mac did intend to call her father and remind him to take his heart medication tonight, since her mother would be at bingo.
“Look,” Jazz said, taking out her phone, “I’ll set a reminder.”
“I really can’t. I’m sorry. I’m just tired.”
“No, you are not pulling that one on me again,” Jazz told her. “Do you know it’s been over a month since we’ve all hung out together? I will do anything to make tonight happen. Read my lips. Any. Thing.”
Mac smiled in spite of herself, and despite the conversation she’d had with Ryan a month ago, Mac found her resolve to let him avoid her beginning to crumble. It was just dinner, right? Mac didn’t have to stay long. What could possibly go wrong when she and Ryan were sitting in a crowded restaurant with their friends? It’s not like they could start stripping each other in public. Besides, Jazz wasn’t going to take no for an answer. If Mac gave in this time, Jazz might accept her excuse next time.
“Okay,” Mac said, hoping that Ryan wouldn’t be upset with her for agreeing to this.
Jazz squealed and hugged her. “Thank goodness. You’ve been so distant lately that I was starting to get worried I’d done something wrong.”
Mac shook her head. “Of course you haven’t.”
“It’ll be just like old times,” Jazz told her, before she rolled her eyes. “Well, except for the fact that Ryan’s bringing a date tonight.”
“He is?” Mac asked, her heart giving a painful squeeze at the thought.
Ryan was taking a date to dinner? Or was this woman more than that? He’d never brought any of his women to their dinners before. Mac supposed she should feel relieved he’d found yet another distraction to keep him busy, but instead of feeling relieved, she felt angry.
They were supposed to be keeping their distance so they didn’t act on the mutual attraction between them, but if he’d found someone to occupy his time with then danger wasn’t there anymore, was it?
She couldn’t be certain she knew what was going on in Ryan’s head or how he felt, Mac reminded herself, and it wasn’t fair to make assumptions. But if he was seeing someone, there would be no harm in the two of them having dinner with their friends, surely.
“Her name’s Cindy-Lou, or something equally stupid,” Jazz said. “Ryan hasn’t told you about her?”
“Ah, no.”
“What’s going on with you?” Jazz asked her, suddenly serious. “You weren’t going to come out tonight, and you and Ryan don’t talk as much as you used to. Are you okay, Mac?”
“Yeah. I’m fine. I’m coming out tonight, aren’t I?” Mac asked when Jazz looked at her worriedly.
“Well, I’m due on set,” Jazz told her. “But I’m going to keep my eye on you, Mac. You’ve got me worried.”
“I’m fine,” Mac told her.
“A few drinks tonight, and you will be,” Jazz said with a wink.
Jazz started to walk away before she stopped and turned back to face Mac.
“By the way,” Jazz said to her. “I just looked through the script for the next episode, and you and Ryan have a big scene.”
“We do?” Mac asked, as she felt her adrenaline start to pump.
“Oh yeah, baby,” Jazz said to her, waggling her eyebrows suggestively. “Stone and Brianna’s first kiss. I can’t wait to see that.”
____________________________________________________
Dedication this chapter is for the person who encouraged me to write in the very beginning, and to follow my dreams. She's always been there for me, and given me her guidance when I've asked for it (and helped me edit at times too <3). Votes and comments really make my day :)