Lights, Camera, Kiss Me (Original): Chapter 16
"Will you spend the night with me?"
Thanks to LilianeGrouse for proof-reading, and to Daisy for pre-reading.
Apologies for putting this story on hold. I had a project that I was working on - a story on another site which I hadn't updated for far too long. In the spirit of NaNoWriMo I tried writing 50,000 words for the story, in the hopes that I might be able to finish it for those people reading it, but alas I did not succeed. But that's not your problem :D
I now declare Lights, Camera, Kiss Me offically off hold!
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"You made it."
Mac decided she wasn't going to tell Ryan how close she'd been to not coming this evening. Instead she lifted up the brown paper bag she'd been holding against her with one arm.
"I wasn't sure what we were having, so I brought red and white wine. The white is already chilled."
He took the wine from her. "Perfect. Either will go fine. Come on in," he said to her, stepping back.
Her heart picked up in anticipation as she walked past him, but he didn't touch her.
"I hope you're hungry," he said as they walked into his apartment.
"I am."
Almost immediately her eyes settled on the large floor to ceiling window in his lounge room. All of their friends were jealous of Ryan's apartment. He had a stunning view of the city. The lights in the room had been dimmed; making the sight of the Melbourne skyline all lit up that much more spectacular. To the side of the large window sat a table for two which had been set for dinner. A single blood-red rose stood in a vase in the middle of the table, on top of a crisp white linen tablecloth.
"Dinner is prepped, but I didn't want to start cooking till you were here. It won't take me long."
Mac turned around to see Ryan disappearing into the kitchen opposite the lounge – along with her wine. She needed a glass of liquid courage right now. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been this nervous on a date – probably because she'd never been this nervous before. The whole way over to his apartment she'd had Brad's words circling in her head.
"If you do decide the cons outweigh the pros, don't break his heart too bad."
The idea of breaking the heart of Australia's Romeo seemed preposterous, but Brad had sounded so serious when he'd said it. The concern in his voice had been obvious. He was worried about his friend. And, as if that alone hadn't been enough to confuse her, Brad had mentioned that Ryan was thinking about quitting Hart's Valley; that he was worried about the future if things didn't work out between them.
Her head was a mess. Her confession to Ryan and their R-rated kiss on set, followed by Ryan's declaration of love and Lyndel's sudden appearance had all happened in a very short period of time. She was still trying to wrap her head around the day's events and she hadn't quite managed to do so yet. Tonight she'd come to dinner with the intention of making a decision about whether she wanted to pursue a relationship with the man she was in love with, but she had no idea how to start working it out.
Ever since she'd left the set all she'd wanted to do was ask Ryan about Lyndel, but at the same time she was absolutely terrified of bringing up the other actress. What would Ryan say when he found out his former co-star was back? Would he be happy and excited? Or would he give the appearance of not caring? Would he tell her there was nothing between them now and then dump her weeks later when he realized there still was?
Brad had told her more than once that she needed to talk to Ryan about all of her concerns and worries. As horrified as she was at the idea of laying all her insecurities bare, Brad was right. They needed to talk. They needed to understand each other. If Ryan really was in love with her then she owed it to him to talk things through before she made a decision.
She walked into the kitchen and watched as Ryan pulled several bowls and jars out of the refrigerator. He still hadn't mentioned what they were eating, but judging by the ingredients he was placing on the bench-top, she was going to take a guess and say they were having spaghetti carbonara.
"Can I help?" she asked him.
"Ah, the garlic bread needs to go in the oven, and the wine needs to be opened and poured."
"I can do that," she said quickly.
He looked at her with a knowing smile. "Nervous?"
Hell yes! "Just a little."
He grinned. "Wine glasses are on the table."
Mac quickly located the garlic bread in the fridge and opened it before sliding it out of its packaging.
"There's already a tray in the oven. Mitts are in the cupboard above the oven."
Skipping the mitts, she opened the oven door and carefully put it on the tray. Then she went to retrieve the two wine glasses.
"White or red?" she asked him as he poured oil into a frying pan.
"You pick."
"Red then? It'll go with pasta."
"Great."
Mac undid the screw-cap on the bottle and poured it straight away. Once she'd handed a glass to Ryan she took a long sip of her own wine. Maybe after she'd had a full glass – on her currently empty stomach – she'd feel confident enough to ask about Lyndel; confident enough to find out exactly how Ryan expected a relationship could work between them when their boss was dead set against it.
She watched and admired Ryan as he worked quickly and neatly in his small kitchen. Dressed in black trousers and a black and silver striped dress shirt, open at the collar and rolled up at the cuffs, he looked handsome and perfect, and every part the TV star and heartbreaker she knew him to be.
After he'd stirred in all his ingredients he asked her about the final scene she'd shot with Brad and Vanessa, and then he announced dinner was ready.
"The garlic bread should be ready," he said to her. "It only takes eight minutes."
Right, she should be concentrating on the small task he'd given her, rather than appreciating the view in front on her. She pulled the mitts out of the cupboard above the oven and pulled the garlic bread out, before putting it on the plate that Ryan had waiting.
She carefully opened up the foil. "The top isn't brown."
She'd been too busy staring at Ryan to remember to open up the foil for the last minute or two that it had been in the oven.
"I can put it back in for another minute," she added.
"Forget it," he said as he served the pasta into the large pasta bowls he'd taken out of the cupboard. "It's all good. I'm all set to eat now."
Ryan picked up both bowls of pasta and she grabbed the wine glasses and followed him to the table. After he'd placed the bowls on the table, he pulled her chair out for her and laid the cloth serviette across her lap the moment she was seated. He then returned to the kitchen to bring out the wine and garlic bread.
"This is service I could get used to," she made the mistake of saying as Ryan sat down opposite her.
"That's the idea," he said.
It was the first mention he'd made to the non-casual nature of their dinner date. The nerves which had been pushed into the background suddenly returned in full force, stealing her breath and making her stomach drop to her toes.
He raised his glass. "To us."
Her hand was shaking ever so slightly as she touched the rim of her glass against his.
"To us," she repeated.
"Dig in, before it gets cold," he instructed.
Relieved to have a reason to look away from his intense gaze, she picked up her fork and wound some of the spaghetti around it before putting it in her mouth.
"Amazing," she said when she'd finished the mouthful. "Hands down, best spaghetti I've ever had."
"Brad was worried you were going to get spaghetti on toast."
"I'll be sure to sing your praises when I see him tomorrow."
"I'd be relieved if you did. He'll worry otherwise."
She laughed.
"He called me, you know," Ryan said tentatively, pausing briefly before he continued. "After your scene was finished tonight."
"Oh?"
Mac felt her heart rate speed up. Had Brad told him that Lyndel was back? Did he know she was their new co-star? Had Brad told Ryan anything about the conversation they'd had before she'd left the studio? She reached for her wine and took a large gulp.
"He told me Lyndel is joining the show."
So, he knew? He knew about their new co-star. She studied him, trying to get a read on what was going through his head, but he was studying her just as intently, obviously trying to do the same thing – work out her reaction to the news.
"Blainesworth brought her down to the set so she could catch up with you and Brad," she said, unwilling to give anything more away right now.
She needed more of Ryan's reaction to the news. Unfortunately, he remained annoyingly silent on the matter.
"The three of you used to work together on Wild Horses, right?" she asked. Probed.
"We did."
Ryan had hoped that once he brought up the topic of Lyndel, Mac would ask him something about his relationship with the other woman and they could ease into a conversation about the concerns he knew she had about their new co-star. He wanted to put her mind at rest. So far, however, Mac just looked uncomfortable and kept reaching for her wine. He was just going to have to start this ball rolling and hope that Mac decided to start talking when he opened up.
"We slept together," he told her. "Lyndel and I."
Mac just nodded and reached for her wine again. He fought a surge of frustration. I'm trying here. Work with me, Mac.
"I figured as much," she said. "You guys had great chemistry."
"It was only once, and it was a mistake. A big mistake. She'd been pushing for a relationship between us the whole year we worked together."
"But you didn't want one?"
"I didn't," he confirmed. "As you know, I've never been interested in having a relationship before."
"Why? I mean, why haven't relationships ever interested you before now?"
"Ah, aside from the fact that I've never been in love before, it probably has something to do with some stuff that happened when I was younger."
He could see he'd clearly piqued her interest, but he'd prefer to keep this conversation about Lyndel. His mother's hatred towards him and his father wasn't exactly his preferred topic of choice at dinner.
"Maybe we can save that conversation for another time," he added.
"Okay."
There were other logical reasons why he'd chosen never to get involved before. However, he didn't think that discussing the opinions he'd once held on long-term functional monogamous relationships was the way to go – not when he wanted to convince Mac that he wanted to be in a relationship with her. Besides, falling in love had definitely made a dent in some of his cynicism, and he wanted to believe happy long-term relationships weren't fairy-tales. Hopefully, that didn't make him a complete idiot.
"So, you slept with Lyndel, despite the fact that you didn't want a relationship with her, and she did want one with you?" she asked, returning to the topic of Lyndel.
He sighed. "We weren't shooting on set anymore. Lyndel and I didn't have any more scenes. She had her flight booked and was supposed to be leaving the country a couple of days after her farewell party."
"And you decided to sleep with her since she'd be leaving the country soon?"
Mac made him sound like a jerk who had taken advantage of someone who had feelings for him, but that hadn't been the case at all. And Mac should know him better than that by now.
"No. The night of her farewell party came and I…had a lot to drink. I don't even remember going to bed with her. I don't remember having sex with her. All I remember is waking up next to her the morning after, and her telling me she didn't want to go to America anymore. She wanted to stay here in Oz so we could see if things between us worked out. Then she told me she was totally in love with me."
"Whoa," she said. "What did you tell her?"
"I told her I wasn't looking for a relationship and that she would resent me if she gave up the opportunity to stay here. I told her I didn't think it would work out between us."
"Was she upset?"
"Very."
"When she came looking for you today I never would have guessed all this. She seemed excited to see you – really happy to be working with you again."
He squirmed in his seat. "The day she left the country she showed up here. She told me again that she loved me and then she asked if I could ever see anything working out in the future between us."
"What did you say?"
"I didn't know what to say. I'd never led a woman on and I wasn't about to start, but I already felt like such a prick after sleeping with her that I didn't want to be too harsh with her."
"So…?"
"So I told her I really couldn't see us together. At all. But I'd never say never."
"Oh my God," Mac said. "She's come back here to work on Hart's Valley hoping you'll have changed your mind and be ready for a relationship with her?"
"I really hope that isn't the case, but I'm worried it might be."
"She's still in love with you."
"She's been gone for years. She can't still be in love with me, Mackenzie."
"But if she is?"
"I'm not interested. I wasn't then and I'm certainly not now. Lyndel is a beautiful woman but there was nothing else about her that appealed to me. Sometimes she was a real bitch to the other females we worked with, and I found her a bit shallow. We were never friends – just two people who worked together and were attracted to each other. Besides, there's only one woman I want now," he said, giving her a pointed look.
"Now that the two of you are working together again, though, there's always a chance that the chemistry you once had will be there in the scenes you shoot together."
"To be honest I don't think there's any chance of that happening. Not on my part."
"How can you be so certain? I mean, you haven't seen her in years, and you haven't worked together in just as long. I don't understand how you can be so-"
"Mac, we've always been friends, you and I. Do you really think I'd do something that I know would hurt you like that?"
"Not intentionally, no."
"Brad and Jazz would kill me."
"They wouldn't be happy, I know, but…chemistry is chemistry. It's hard to deny these things."
Deciding that gut-wrenching honesty was the only option here, Mac continued. "I don't want to watch you kissing somebody else. I don't want to see a spark between you and Lyndel, or watch the chemistry you used to have with her come between us. I'd find it really difficult to deal with. It would leave me wondering when you were going to act on it."
"Do you have any idea how hard it has been for me to see you with Westlaker?" he asked her. "Mac, knowing you used to be with him and thinking something might start between the two of you again has been an ongoing tortuous nightmare for me. And watching you kiss him today…"
He didn't have to say anymore. Mac knew that watching the one you love kiss someone else was hard. Very hard. She hadn't given any thought to how Ryan might have felt about her kissing Danny, but that was because she hadn't known how he felt at the time. And she was still coming to terms with it even now; still trying to get her head around the fact that Ryan Moore was supposedly in love with her.
"Plus," he continued, "you seem to have a thing for your leading men. I might be worried that you'll fall in love with the next man you're involved with on set."
It was ludicrous. Sure, it had happened twice in a row, but she'd fallen in love with Ryan for reasons which were different to the reasons she'd fallen in love with Danny. Not that she believed Ryan was really worried. He was obviously trying to make some kind of point about the absurdity of her fears. She got it. She was being insecure and she didn't like that about herself, but fears were irrational.
"I don't see that happening," she told him.
"But it might. I could say, 'why wouldn't it?' You fell for Danny. You fell for me."
"Those were two completely different scenarios."
"How were they different?"
"With Danny I was caught up, swept away. I was unable to separate what I felt on stage with reality."
"And that isn't the case with us?"
"No, it's not."
It most definitely wasn't. This whole time she'd been beating herself up for making the same mistakes she'd made on Junction Hospital, and whilst she had technically fallen for her leading man twice in a row now, the circumstances were different. She'd really started falling in love with Ryan well before they started kissing on set.
Their friendship and attraction had been building into something from the first moment she'd met him. She'd cared about him, respected him, and liked him from the start. And the attraction she felt towards him as a woman, combined with the fantasies she'd built around him as a teenager, had been too difficult to ignore. If she'd met him through a friend or through any other avenue, her response would have been the same. It wasn't an on-set thing. What she felt for Ryan was much, much bigger.
Which only means there is so much more potential to be hurt here.
"Did I ever mention that I used to have a poster of you up on my wall when I was fifteen?" she asked him before she could think better of it.
Ryan shook his head as a slow, cocky grin spread across his lips. She was blushing furiously now, and it had nothing to do with the effects of the wine.
"Why? Are you saying we're acting out some fantasy you concocted as a fifteen-year-old?"
Mac didn't think it was possible to blush even harder, but she did. She sounded like some kind of infatuated fan-girl. Why had she mentioned it? Amazingly, he wasn't looking like he wanted to push her out the door. He just couldn't seem to keep the smirk off his face.
"When I found out I'd be working with you on Hart's Valley I was nervous and a little excited, but more wary. I didn't want to risk my career after everything that had just happened with Danny, and I knew I couldn't afford to re-visit the days of my…crush. But I was…attracted to you from the beginning. And when we got to know each other and started hanging out as friends, I came to care about you. A lot. And then the attraction and everything else just…overwhelmed me. My point is, it was nothing like the slight adoration and stage-chemistry I had with Danny."
"I see."
She'd just poured her guts out and embarrassed herself talking about her stupid teenage crush and that was all he was going to say?
"Are you finished?" he asked, motioning to her pasta bowl which she'd abandoned a long time ago because of the nerves making her tummy jump up and down.
"I guess."
"Good," he said, standing up and offering a hand out to her.
"What about…" she trailed off as she saw the naked lust burning in his eyes.
They needed to keep talking, didn't they? They shouldn't be doing that until they'd sorted everything out, and she still had no idea how they were supposed to carry on a relationship when her boss was against it and she could lose her job.
"Forget the pasta, forget the dishes. Forget everything," he said, as he pulled her up from her sitting position, and hauled her against his chest.
She felt the breath leave her lungs as his eyes searched hers for a moment. Finding whatever answer he was looking for, he lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her. You're supposed to be talking. You really need to talk this through. So much danger. So much potential heart-ache. How on Earth can this possibly work? You need to figure that out before you sleep with him again.
She opened her mouth to tell him so, but then his hands went to her hips and he was lifting her so she could wrap her legs around him, just like she had when she kissed him earlier in the day. Instead of telling him they needed to stop, she made a noise so needy and pleading that he deepened the kiss until she was shaking with need and supremely grateful for the fact that he was holding her. Who was she kidding? She was never going to be able to think anything through until she'd slaked the fire he'd started inside her.
Ryan had known from the moment he'd opened the door and seen Mac standing there in her little black dress that it was going to be a hard task keeping his hands off of her. He'd made it through most of dinner, and that was to be commended, because it had taken a lot of effort not to think about her like this – with her long, perfect legs wrapped around his hips, her body awaiting his.
Seeing her blush and acting all embarrassed over the fact that she'd had a poster of him on her wall at fifteen was about the cutest, hottest thing he'd ever seen in his life. And now she was in his arms and there was no way he was letting her go.
He didn't know how they were going to work out this thing between them. He didn't know how they'd deal with Blainesworth or her insecurities about Lyndel, or anything else for that matter, but right now he couldn't stop himself from believing that everything was going to work out anyway.
She loved him. She was in love with him, and he was in love with her, too. The attraction and friendship between them had turned into something so much more for her – something that overwhelmed her – and he understood that all too well, because it was so much more for him, as well. It overwhelmed him, too.
"I know we still have things to talk about," he said to her. "But will you spend the night with me, Mackenzie?"
"Yes," she said.
Her answer was music to his ears and filled his heart with hope. It was all going to work out. It had to.