Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 32
Worth the Risk
Lilah
The winter sun is weak as I cross the quad, clutching my lunch. As I approach our usual table, I see that Mason and Dawson are nowhere to be found. However, Kennedy, Lana, and Briony are sitting together, chatting excitedly about the senior prom tickets that just went on sale. For a brief moment, I wish I had taken longer to buy my lunch so I wouldn't have to hear it.
Kennedy notices my expression and suggests, "We could go as a group instead of finding dates." I force a smile at her sweet attempt to include me. We’ve talked about it, and I know she wants to go with Kai, but she doesn’t want to abandon me. I'm grateful for her loyalty but feel uncomfortable about the situation.
Briony notices my discomfort, and her gaze wanders over to Asher and back to me. "There’s no one you’re thinking about asking?”
Lying, I shake my head, feeling frustrated and confused. Asher promised to talk to Ethan about us dating two weeks ago, but he hasn't even tried yet. I don't want to push him, but the longer he waits, the more uncertain I feel about our relationship. I know Ethan still believes he's in love with me after his breakup with Ainsley, but it’s a tough pill to swallow. Not to mention, the timing couldn’t have been worse. Not that Ethan would likely ever be happy with the idea of Asher and me getting together, but his break-up with Ainsley seems to have complicated everything tenfold.
Lana’s gaze is sceptical. “There’s nothing going on between you and Asher?”
After our duet performance and the fact that Asher and I showed up together at Remy’s afterparty, my friends and all of our classmates have their suspicions about us. I can’t even talk to my stepbrother at school without people freaking out and gossiping about us. But only Kennedy knows about my kiss and conversation with Asher.
"Nope,” I confirm. “Nothing.”
Technically, it isn’t a lie. Asher and I haven't been sneaking around or behaving inappropriately in any way. A kiss on the night of the duet and another the following morning doesn't make us an item. Better to keep things a secret until there’s more to say. Besides, there’s no guarantee Asher will even speak with his brother, no matter what he promised. Maybe we were over before we even began.
I don’t even realize I’m staring at Asher, who is sitting on the other side of the quad with Ethan and his friends until he looks up from his lunch and sees me staring. When our eyes meet, he frowns upon seeing my expression. I feel stuck in limbo with him. Does Asher still believe being with me is worth the destruction it will cause? Every day that goes by without him saying anything, I become less sure he does.
Lana adds, "Yeah, it really looks like there’s nothing going on," sounding smug.
My stomach drops when Asher stands up.
Briony scrunches up her rubbish and tosses it into the nearby bin. “I think he’s heard us talking about him.”
As Asher approaches us, he greets us and asks, "Mind if I join you?" Kennedy motions for him to sit down. “Please do. We were just discussing prom.”
Asher gives her a small smile before taking a seat next to me, probably understanding all too well why I was looking at him. As his leg brushes against mine, my heart races with the warmth of his touch, like a continuation of the promise he made to me. My body and skin hum with excitement even as I relax feeling him finally beside me. I’ve missed him. It shouldn’t be possible to miss someone I live with, but I have.
Kennedy breaks the silence by asking, "So, about prom, what are your plans, Ash?"
Asher looks at me before responding, "I haven't really thought about it." I feel my friends' gaze on me, waiting for more information or a better answer from him, but I'm not sure what I want him to say. It’s my senior prom, and I desperately want to go with him, even if it is selfish. But the reality is that it's complicated. There’s more than just my own feelings to consider.
“Does Ethan have plans to go with anyone?” Briony asks him.
Asher shoots a glance at his brother before sighing heavily. His gaze is apologetic as he looks at me again. "He's in a really bad way at the moment. I'm not sure he’s thinking about prom at all, let alone asking anyone.”
Which means there’s no hope of Asher and I going to prom together or even having a one-on-one date any time soon. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to not having to constantly hide how we feel. Though maybe I’m the only one constantly struggling with it. My chest tightens at the thought.
Kennedy shoots me a quick glance before suggesting, "We were thinking a group outing might be fun. No pressure to find a date or anything."
Asher appears to think about it for a moment before nodding slowly. "That might work. I’ll speak with Ethan about it.”
Kennedy looks at me pointedly. “Lilah, what do you think? A group date could be fun, right?”
As fun as it can be spending the night with both brothers, trying to pretend I’m not falling hard and completely in the thrall of the brother I once claimed as my enemy. Not to mention my friends will be sacrificing their own date time to not abandon me. Still, I guess this is better than nothing. It means Asher won’t be showing up with someone else.
I force a small smile. “Yeah, sounds fun.”
Asher's hand brushes against mine, and I look up to meet his gaze. "I promise we'll enjoy prom night together. No matter what else happens or who we go with."
I don’t tell him he hasn’t made good on his other promise yet because that wouldn’t be fair of me. I’m just frustrated.
We spend the rest of lunch discussing our plans for prom, but the disappointment and uncertainty continue to weigh heavily on me. The idea Asher will eventually tell me he’s changed his mind about us plays on a loop in my mind, and I can't seem to shake it off. When it’s just the two of us together, nothing else seems important. The way I feel when I’m with him has me convinced we can make it work. But the moment we’re apart and not spending time together, I worry I’m deluding myself.
The bell goes, and we prepare to head to our lockers before class. Before I reach my locker, however, Asher pulls me aside. My pulse races as butterflies take flight in my belly. I don’t want to feel this excited over his sudden undivided attention, but I do. Especially with how hot he looks in his uniform, his dark hair a little messy, his dark eyes intense on mine.
"I'm sorry about Prom. I want us to go together, and I wanted to ask you, but I have to talk to Ethan first. I know you’re disappointed, but I just need a bit more time.” He runs a frustrated hand through his dark hair. “He’s more messed up over everything than I thought, Lilah."
I try to keep my composure. The last thing I want to do is destroy the relationship between my stepbrothers, but I can't help but feel let down. I don’t know whether a bit more time is a week, a month or longer. That feeling of being in limbo comes back full force and the doubts that have been circling in my head over lunch spew out of my mouth before I can stop them. "Are you sure that's what you want?"
Asher's confusion is evident on his face. "Am I sure what's what I want?"
"I mean..." I pause, trying to gather my thoughts. "Maybe you're not sure it's worth the risks."
His eyes widen in surprise, and he takes a step closer to me, his breath fanning across my face. "I'm not changing my mind, Lilah. Not about us."
My heart races at his words. He looks so earnest. But my doubts still linger. "Are you sure? I know how much is at stake for you, and I’d rather you just tell me if you’ve changed your mind," I admit, feeling vulnerable.
Asher reaches out and brushes a thumb over my cheek with such tenderness it should be sweet. Instead, lightning streaks through my body, lighting me up everywhere, especially between my legs, taking me back to that night in his car when I’d never felt more alive or more turned on in my life.
“I’m so fucking into you.” His gaze holds mine, his eyes ticking between mine. “I know this is taking longer than we both want, but I promise you that you’re the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about night, and on my mind nearly every second in between. I’m crazy about you. It’s why I’m willing to put it all in the line, I just don’t want to ruin what this is between us by rushing into telling Ethan at the wrong time. Tell me you understand that.”
I take a deep breath, feeling reassured by his words. "I do.”
Asher looks around at the cleared-out quad and pulls me along until we’re in the middle of one of the rose gardens on the edge of the school yard. The scent of roses and Asher’s Apollo aftershave fills my nostrils, an intoxicating mixture that makes my knees weak. As soon as he sees we’re out of view of our classmates, he leans in, and our lips meet in a kiss that is too hot and too sweet and ends far too soon. I know any sort of contact is a risk in the school grounds, but all I can remember is the way his hands and mouth felt on me as he brought me to orgasm in his car. Every fibre of my being wants me to beg him not to stop, but I hold back.
"You're worth the risk," he says softly. "We are worth the risk."
“I’m sorry for doubting…you.”
He smirks. “I forgive you. Now, let’s get to class."
He takes my hand and leads me towards the school. Of course, he drops it the moment we get close enough to be seen by anyone, but I feel a sense of anticipation building inside me. His words have filled me with a renewed sense of hope and determination, and if he needs more time to talk to his brother, I’ll give him the time he needs. I’ll wait.
My vow to give Asher as long as he needs wavers when I come down to breakfast one morning over the school holidays and Ethan is sitting there.
He offers me a small smile when he sees me and runs a hand through his hair, as if he wants to make himself more presentable. In a pair of flannel pyjama pants and a white cotton t-shirt, his brown hair a little long, he looks more like a sweet but unruly little boy than someone about to turn 18 within the next two months.
"Morning."
A year ago, the sight of him like this would have melted my heart, but now I just feel sorrow over the way things have been between us this year. Our relationship as ex-lovers to friends and then step-siblings was always going to be difficult, but it’s been harder than I anticipated. Add in his dating Ainsley, which broke my heart, and my falling for his brother when he supposedly still loves me, and yeah...it's like there's so much baggage between us that it's difficult to know what to say to him these days. I don't know how to act around him anymore. I don't know what or who he is to me anymore.
So I settle on small talk. “How are the driving lessons going?”
“Good. I’m booked in to take the test on my birthday.”
I give him a nervous look. “Is that a good idea? What if you fail? It’ll ruin your eighteenth.”
His expression is smug. “No chance of failing. My instructor says I’m the best student he’s ever had.”
“Are you sure he doesn’t say that to all his students?” I tease, feeling some of the tension I felt when I saw him sitting there leave my shoulders.
“Maybe, but I know he means it when he says it to me.”
I laugh, and Ethan’s smile grows bigger and warmer. Then he turns serious. “I never congratulated you on making the showcase, did I?”
I shrug. “No, but I know you’ve had stuff going on.”
“Well, congrats.”
“Thanks.”
The list went up a few days ago, on the last day of the semester. I’m in, it’s official. The high I felt in those first few minutes after was huge. Mum and Jesse were so happy for me. Asher told me he’d had no doubts, and he’d looked pretty pleased too. It didn’t take long, however, for the feeling of victory to fade. There’s always the next big goal to look toward and start working toward. Like the end of year exams that we’ll be taking in around three months time.
"Are you disappointed your duet didn’t make it?" I ask him gently.
He shakes his head. “Nah. MOD are in. That’s all that matters.”
“And you’re…doing okay?” I ask awkwardly.
He gives me a lop-sided grin. "Am I over my break-up with Ainsley, you mean?"
I smile back at him. "Yeah," I say, starting to make myself breakfast.
"I told you, I never really loved her."
I swallow hard, purposefully not looking at him as I pour my cereal. "You did say that."
"But most of all I'm bummed about not having a date to prom."
I look up at him, my heart racing because I hate the direction this conversation is going in. Asher said he was going to talk to his brother about going as a group, but I'm not sure if he has and Ethan is asking anyway, or whether Ethan does know of the plan and he's asking me anyway.
He takes a deep breath and gives me his most charming smile. "I was wondering, do you want to be my date to prom?"
"Um."
Where's Asher when I need him, and how am I supposed to answer that? Has he talked to his brother about prom or not?
"As friends," Ethan says quickly when he sees me hesitate.
"Ah, Kennedy and I were actually talking about going as a group."
He frowns. "Doesn’t she want to go with Kai."
“Of course, but Kai will be coming with us.”
“Right. Still, you could always tell them you’ve changed your mind.”
My smile is strained. “I don’t know, Ethan.”
“You don’t know or you don’t want to?”
How do you let a guy down gently? I haven’t had enough experience. Fortunately, I’m saved from having to try right this second when Asher walks into the kitchen.
"Morning," Asher says, with a smile for me and a quick nod for his brother.
Ethan looks unfazed by his brother’s sudden appearance, and I'm torn between relief Asher is here and fear over how a conversation about prom could play out between the three of us.
I finish making my breakfast and take a seat beside a sullen-looking Ethan at the kitchen island while Asher starts making his own breakfast. While he waits for his toast to pop, he leans against back against the bench and finally picks up on the tension in the room. His eyes dart back and forth between us before settling on Ethan. "What's happening?"
"I just invited Lilah to prom," Ethan says.
There's something combative and defiant in his tone, but I don’t know if it’s directed at Asher or me. My stomach clenches tightly, and I feel sick as Asher’s face turns from shocked surprise to annoyance.
"Didn't I mention a few of us were talking about going as a group?" Asher asks his brother, his voice calm and even despite the tightness in his tone.
Ethan leans back and crosses his arms. "Yeah, you mentioned it." Ethan shrugs. "But I didn't think it was set in stone, and I wanted to give Lilah the opportunity to have the full senior prom experience that she told me she wanted."
My gaze flicks to Ethan, and I can't keep the surprise off my face.
"What?" he raises an eyebrow. "You thought I'd forgotten all the plans we made?"
"That was a while ago, Ethan."
Like before he broke my heart and started dating Ainsley.
Asher's eyes narrow on his brother. "Well, Lilah and I did discuss going as a group, so why don't we just stick with that plan?"
Ethan purses and narrows his eyes as he studied his brother. "You and Lilah discussed it, huh? You didn't want to ask anyone to prom, Ash?"
The tension between the two brothers goes from palpable to stifling. Asher has been waiting for the right time to tell his brother but what if Ethan knows or senses something already? Wouldn’t him figuring things out be worse than not waiting for the right time?
Asher shrugs, his gaze not leaving his brother’s. "I'm happy with the group situation."
“I’ll bet you are.” Ethan laughs without humour and shakes his head before nailing me with an accusing look. “So, all the stuff you told me about how you wanted our prom night to go was lies?”
My fingers clench on the spoon as heat prickles over my skin. “No, Ethan, of course it wasn’t, but things kind of changed the moment you broke my heart, you know?”
He stands abruptly. “Yeah, I know.” His gaze flicks over to Asher before coming back to rest on me. “I guess you’ll get your group date, then.”
The time it takes Ethan to put his dish in the dishwasher and clean up after himself is tense. I don’t relax until Ethan leaves the kitchen.
As soon as I’m sure he’s gone, I look at Asher. “Does he suspect something?”
“Plenty,” he sighs. “But only at certain times. When we’re hanging out the two of us or with the guys, he’s fine. But if you’re around or you come up in conversation…” he trails off. “I wasn’t kidding when I said he’s pretty messed up at the moment.”
Whether that’s about me or Ainsley, I don’t know. Part of me is in denial about him still loving me. Selfishly, I hope he doesn’t. I want to be with Asher and our time is running out. There are less than five months until they leave for the States, and keeping things a secret and not being able to tell Ethan means we can’t really be together. It feels like I'm stuck in the middle of an impossible situation.
We finish our breakfast in silence, clear our dishes, putting them in the dishwasher and make our way back to our rooms together.
“Hey, are you okay?" Asher asks, tugging me to a stop before I head back into my room to study.
I sigh. “I hate lying to him.”
I hate that we can’t be together without sneaking away or stealing moments alone. Something Asher doesn’t seem keen to do at all. Not that I can blame him. There’s every chance we’ll be caught and it will blow up in our faces.
“I know.”
“And our time is running out,” I whisper.
"I know that too," Asher says, looking pained. “Trust me, it’s on my mind constantly. Let’s just get through prom.”
“You’ll tell him after?”
He looks worried, but he nods. “I promise.”
“What if he won’t accept us being a couple?”
Asher shakes his head. “I’ll do everything to make him understand.”
With that, he squeezes my hand and I walk into my room. Opening my Maths textbook, I try to push away the nagging doubts that Asher won’t be able to make him understand. What if Ethan refuses to accept we’re together and it ruins their relationship as brothers, and the band, and Asher wishes he’d never met me?
Can I let him potentially destroy everything that matters most to him?
I have to pray Ethan will accept us. Because if he doesn’t, I’ll have to walk away from someone who feels a hell of a lot like a soulmate.
The thought makes it impossible to study for the rest of the day.
Asher just needs to rip that band-aid off and tell Ethan. If he loves her he will let them be happy!