Rockstar Bay Academy: Part 38
Driving Me Out of My Mind With Lust
Some parts of the year have raced by, while others have inched along painfully slowly. Since reuniting with Asher, however, time has soared, leaving me longing for more moments with him. As we leave Asher's car and head toward the French restaurant, I feel the weight of our situation – the clock on our time together ticking down. We're joined by Ethan and his new girlfriend, Giselle, the girl he met at the gig. Hand in hand, they share laughter with their heads close together.
Asher glances at me as we follow behind them, our hands unheld. I force a smile, trying to hide my frustration about concealing our relationship, even though Ethan knows about us. Asher assured me his brother accepts our relationship, but prefers not to see any displays of affection. So, technically, we're not doing anything wrong. The problem is that our limited time together is overshadowed by the need for secrecy, all to avoid upsetting Ethan. Although I understand, I can't help but feel envious of Ethan and Giselle's public relationship. If Ethan is happy, why should our togetherness bother him? Still, I don't confront him, unwilling to risk my time with Asher.
Ethan and Giselle enter the restaurant, but before we can follow, Asher calls out to his brother, "I forgot something in the car, meet you inside." Before I can question him, he takes my hand, leading me around the side of the building. He pins me against the wall and kisses me, leaving me breathless. There's a bush beside us, but we're right next to a window. My stomach flutters and my pulse races as our tongues intertwine, and I forget to worry someone could see us.
"You look so gorgeous," he murmurs between kisses.
When he first saw me in the black lace and sequined dress, my hair elegantly pinned up, the heat in his eyes was undeniable. I'd wanted to throw myself at him and kiss him, shattering his self-control, but Ethan and Giselle's arrival interrupted that impulse. Now, with him pressed against me, giving me a tiny taste of what I've been craving, I can't resist touching him over his royal blue shirt, revelling in the way he trembles beneath my touch. His scent and taste make my world spin in the best way. He looks incredibly handsome, especially with his tattoos visible beneath his short-sleeved shirt, making my mind melt. I'm so ready for him, so needy and desperate to be with him that he could have me right here.
Hiding our relationship is frustrating and drives me a little wild every time he touches me. Each contact leaves me weak in the knees, each kiss so intense it knocks me off kilter. Even now, my legs tremble and wobble as he keeps me pinned against the wall, holding me up. Between kisses, he tells me just how much he wants me, cares about me, and thinks I'm beautiful. It's astonishing how much every touch matters when we're together.
After kissing me senseless, he finally pulls away.
"We might need to wait before going inside," he says in a gruff voice, causing my knees to weaken once more. I laugh, but my stomach does somersaults as he steps away and my gaze drops to the conspicuous bulge in his black trousers. The thought of having him inside me, moving over me, rocking into me, triggers an explosive wave of heat low in my belly that makes my thighs clench together. I nearly moan out loud. I think about him like that so often now, imagining us together, torturing myself with heated fantasies of how it’s going to be when we’re finally together.
My hand trembles slightly as I wipe the lipstick off his face with my thumb. This intimate act, along with his intense gaze, leaves me breathless and makes my heart skip a beat.
"I love you," I whisper.
The way he gazes back at me, as if I'm his most cherished treasure in the world, sparks an urge to sprint back to the car with him and insist he takes us somewhere else. A place where we can be together without the nagging worry of time slipping through our fingers. A haven where I don't have to conceal the depth of my emotions.
He reaches out, stroking his thumb across my cheekbone, then pulls me in for a soft and gentle kiss that should be sweet, but makes me want to climb him like a tree.
I’m sure he’s reading my mind because his lips twitch with amusement. “We need to go in before they send a search party for us.”
Knowing he’s right, I follow him into the restaurant. After the last disastrous night here for Mum's birthday, Jesse decided we should return for a pre-celebratory dinner ahead of the end-of-year showcase on Friday night. Jesse and Mum are already seated, and I sense their eyes on us as we approach. I'm suddenly concerned that everything we've done is written all over my face. They can't see my ruined panties, but I didn't even touch up my lipstick before entering.
The nearness of Asher and the aching need in my core have me on edge, but that feeling intensifies when Asher leans in and murmurs, "Relax." His lips graze the curve of my ear, making me shiver and flush simultaneously. I'm certain he smirks at my reaction, and I narrow my eyes at him as he straightens. When we got back together, we didn't exactly inform our parents. It's not that we're deliberately keeping it secret, but we're both apprehensive about their reactions. I don't want anything to come between us during this limited time we have left.
Not when every moment matters.
Taking a deep breath, I attempt to compose myself as we sit down. Asher is beside me, and I fight the urge to touch his leg, to feel his warmth against my skin. It's probably best I don’t touch him. The electric charge would be too much to handle in front of my family.
Giselle is lovely and blends in seamlessly with our family. Conversation flows smoothly this time, a stark contrast to our previous visit with Maddie and Ainsley. My stomach drops when I recall the news Maddie shared last time we were here – that she's going to the States. Thinking about her in the same country as Asher ties my stomach in knots.
Even if he doesn't reunite with Maddie, he'll end up with someone else. As we spend time together, I'm falling deeper in love with him. Despite knowing he'll have girls vying for his attention in a matter of months, my feelings continue to grow in intensity and depth. How will I cope when MOD makes headlines and their relationships fill tabloids? Will I be able to ignore the news?
My throat feels dry and I'm ridiculously close to tears, so I reach for my glass of champagne.
Mum frowns when she sees my face, but Jesse prevents her from asking questions by inquiring about the music he overheard me playing in the studio the other day, after Asher and I finished rehearsing for the showcase.
"Oh, I'm working on an EP."
Jesse's eyes light up. "Lilah, that's fantastic. From what I heard, I assume it's going to be a mix of pop and indie rock."
"Yes," I say, pleased with the approval in his eyes.
"I'll be pretty busy with MOD, but I'm happy to help launch you."
"Thank you so much, Jesse, but I really want to make it on my own," I reply with a smile. "When I'm ready to launch, I'll definitely come to you for advice."
As Asher listens, I see pride in his eyes. Having his belief in me and support makes me feel stronger, like there's something solid and reliable pushing me forward. His faith in me is addictive and something I never expected, especially after hearing him call me a user and a daughter of a gold-digger.
It feels like ages ago that happened. Was it really only eight or nine months back?
Mum's eyes also brim with pride. "My little girl will be eighteen in less than a week. I can't believe it."
"I'm not so little anymore."
Mum's eyes mist up. "I know, but it's hard to grasp."
"Does it make you feel old?" I tease.
"Yes!" She laughs. "I'm too old to have a daughter old enough to vote."
"And drink," Asher says.
"And drive," Ethan adds. Then he frowns. "Not in that order."
We all laugh.
"I'm surprised you didn't want to have a big party to celebrate," Jesse remarks. "Most eighteen-year-olds…"
I shake my head. "The showcase is only two days before, and you're already throwing us a massive graduation party."
Not long after which the boys will leave the country.
But I refuse to dwell on that now. Focus on the present; that's my motto.
As the night progresses and the drinks keep coming, I start to relax. That is until I feel Asher's leg pressing against mine. Instantly, I'm reminded of our kiss before dinner. My face reddens and the rest of my body feels warm when Asher starts rubbing circles on my thigh. When his hand slips beneath my dress to rest on my bare thigh, stopping just centimetres from my panties, my entire body tenses. He doesn't move any further, but I'm soaked, my body anticipating something I've become desperate for. I've let him know I'm ready. I can't understand why he won't take things further.
As soon as dinner ends, I decide I need a moment to cool down before I get in a car with Asher, Ethan and Giselle.
"I need the bathroom," I tell Asher.
He nods. "Meet you in the carpark."
I walk into the restroom, take care of what I need to, and am reapplying my makeup when Mum comes in after me.
"I'm surprised you didn't reapply after kissing Asher outside the restaurant."
My neck nearly snaps as I quickly glance at her. When Mum raises an eyebrow, I hastily deny, "I wasn't kissing Asher."
She tsks. "Since when did we start lying to each other?"
I laugh nervously, trying to buy myself some time. I don't know how to handle this. They seemed so relieved when we ended things.
"Lilah…" Mum begins, but I interrupt her before she can say anything else.
"I know what you're thinking, but Ethan said he's fine with it," I say, desperation creeping into my voice. "I know it's not ideal, but I didn't plan for this to happen. I can't help how I feel. I love him, Mum. And he loves me too."
Her face softens a little. "If Ethan was okay, why were you hiding near the bushes?"
"You saw us?" I squeak.
She looks amused. "From my seat, I could, but no one else could."
I hope she's right. "Ethan doesn't want to hear about us or see anything, but he says he's fine," I say.
Mum looks sceptical. "We gave him space, Mum. We broke up, and we only got back together when we were sure. And in the end, isn't it my choice who I'm with?" I ask her gently.
"It is," she says carefully. "But you know the potential for this to end very badly with us all being part of the same family?"
"I know that. But as I said, we can't always choose who we fall in love with. Like you falling for the father of my ex and the boy I couldn't stand." I raise an eyebrow, but my tone is soft.
I would never want her to be unhappy, but her relationship with Jesse was far from an ideal situation for me.
She sighs and smiles back. "Point taken. Though I'd say you made lemonade out of lemons with Asher."
She shakes her head. "Nothing." She places her hands on the bathroom counter and turns to me. "I agree we can't help who we fall in love with. But what about your future?" she asks, her tone gentle. "You're supposed to be going to the university you've had your heart set on for years, pursuing your music career. Can you do all that while being with him?"
"We'll be going our separate ways at the end of the year. It'll be over."
The worry on her face mirrors my own concern about the end of the year.
"And you're going to be okay with ending things and saying goodbye to him?" she asks after a long moment.
I force a smile. "I'll have to be. Being with him makes me happy now. I'm focusing on that."
She frowns a little. "Are you having sex with him?"
"What? I’m not allowed to ask?"
"Nearly, yes. But that’s precisely my point. Lilah, you are the very best thing that has ever happened to me, but that doesn’t mean if I could do my time over, I wouldn’t have you a little later in life.”
After groaning, I say, “I’ll be careful, Mum.”
Her eyes widen.
"When we do start having sex," I hasten to add. "We aren't yet."
Unfortunately. I’m starting to think Asher is purposefully driving me out of my mind with lust. I want to be with him more than anything, and even though I know Asher wants to be with me as well, he's not pushing it. I really wish he would, just a little bit. I mean, it's not like we have all the time in the world. If he goes to the States and I'm still a virgin...
Well, I won't die, but I have no intention of letting that happen.
Still, right now, I'm pleased I can get away with saying we aren't, and it being the truth because the sooner this conversation is over, the better.
Mum studies me. After deciding I must be telling the truth, she says, "Get on birth control. ASAP."
I nod. "Can we stop talking about this now?"
"Are you going to tell Jesse?"
"I'm not going to bring it up, but if he asks me, I'm not going to lie about it." She sighs. "I imagine he'll be as worried as I am."
"But since Ethan-"
"It's not just about Ethan, Lilah."
"Everyone seems to forget he broke my heart," I murmur.
"I haven't forgotten at all. I was there when Ethan broke your heart, and it's part of the reason I'm so concerned. You have the rest of your life ahead of you. Not only could a scandal like a relationship with your stepbrother affect your career and Asher's, but we're both part of this family now, and it could be very painful for you seeing Asher in the future."
"I rebounded fine after Ethan."
"It took a while, and even though I married Jesse, you still had some time to get over it. You and Ethan became fast friends after the breakup." Her mouth tilts down. "I'm not sure that'll happen with Asher. I mean, what happens when he wants to bring someone home for Christmas dinner?"
I rock back on my heels as if she just struck me. I'd be mad at her for assuming that will happen and we won't work out, except I'm the one who told her we were ending things. Still, my stomach hurts at the awful thought of having to sit through family gatherings with Asher if he's with someone else.
Mum clearly sees my turmoil because her frown deepens. "Lilah, I don't want to see you hurting. Seeing you go through with this… knowing it's going to end when he leaves… I can see you're already so caught up in him. Far more than you ever were with Ethan," she muses.
"I'll be okay, Mum," I whisper.
I sound hesitant. Uncertain. And I don't think I've ever seen my mother look more worried than she does right now. But instead of saying more, she gives me a hug. "I love you, Lilah," she says softly. "No matter what happens, no matter what the future holds, I'll always support you and have your back. No matter who I'm married to or what happens. Just… be careful. Take care of yourself in every way."
"I will. Thanks, Mum. I love you too."
After she pulls back, she gives me one last look and then leaves, passing someone walking into the bathroom. I offer the stranger a polite smile and then take a deep breath, making my own way out of the bathroom. I can't blame my mother for worrying about how I'll cope when my relationship with Asher ends. I worry about how difficult it will be when we have to part ways. But while I'm with him, while I have him, I want to focus on enjoying what we can together.
And the heartbreak I'll feel when it's over… well, I'm not going to think about that. I can't. Not yet. I have all my dreams coming true and my career as a musician. I'll still see Asher when he returns from the States, or maybe if or when I start touring.
I try not to think about the meantime – the heartbreak, the fact that Maddie will be over there, and he'll be surrounded by fans and groupies. I try not to think about him bringing someone home with him and sitting across from him at Christmas time or at family events and witnessing him fall in love with someone else. I tell myself it'll be okay.
And then I try to convince myself I believe it.
Elle I want to make you a rockstar bay tumbler! If I make it can I get your postal to send it to you? I have a small business that makes car decals and tumblers.
I will work on it today I am waiting on Amazon for my sublimation ink to come in!!