Lilah
The knock on my door is barely audible, almost lost in the silence of the night. Had I been asleep, it would have slipped past unnoticed. But sleep eludes me, my mind replaying the cringe-inducing silence that followed Mr. Whittaker's probing question about girlfriends. Tear-streaked and restless, I've been hoping Asher would come to me when he got home, and it’s a relief he’s finally here.
Slowly, I rise and open the door, careful not to alert anyone with a sound.
As the door creaks open, Asher's arms wrap around my waist, pulling me to him. His lips find mine in a searing kiss that instantly melts away the tension in my body. I'm glad the room is cloaked in darkness; I don't want him to see the swollen redness of my tear-stained eyes.
"I missed you," he murmurs between kisses.
We tumble inside my room, the door closing behind us with a soft thud. His mouth is back on mine, tasting of a strange yet intoxicating blend of bourbon and toothpaste. It's the first time he's come to me this late, and despite the whirlwind of thoughts threatening to consume me, I focus on the taste of him, the slide of his tongue against mine.
"I'm sleeping with you tonight," he announces, beginning to unbutton his shirt.
Eager to have him close, I help him out of his shirt and whisper teasingly, "Just sleeping?"
"That was the plan."
"I'm going to die a virgin," I mutter, more to myself than to him.
He laughs, a low, husky sound that resonates in the quiet room. With a swift move, he pulls me onto the bed, the feel of his denim-clad legs against my bare ones reminding me just how little I’m wearing. He seems slightly tipsy, a state I've never seen him in before. Usually, he's the embodiment of control, especially when alcohol is involved. Maybe that's why he's here tonight, his guard lowered.
"Did you have a good night?" I ask, trying to keep my voice steady.
"I couldn't stop thinking about you, about us."
His words hang in the air, making my heart flutter. In response, I reach out to caress his face.
"I need to see you," he murmurs.
Before I can protest, he flicks on my bedside light. His gaze explores my face, taking in every detail, including, I'm sure, the tell-tale signs of my earlier tears. His kisses, previously hot and demanding, soften, becoming tender and lingering. The gentleness of his touch sends my stomach into freefall, my heart pounding so loud that it drowns out all other sounds.
When we finally break for air, he whispers, "I didn't want to go tonight, not without you."
“You’re on the path to stardom, Asher. And this is just the beginning for you and MOD,” I whisper. “I knew our time together was running out when we started this.”
My voice breaks on the last word, and he catches it, wrapping an arm around my waist and drawing me closer.
“I don’t want to break up, Lilah.”
His words tear my heart in two. “You heard what Whittaker said-”
“That doesn’t mean we can’t prove him wrong.”
“Asher…I…”
I wish things were different. I wish we had longer together, that we could be together without blowing up both our lives. I wish we weren’t being pulled in two different directions. I wish we’d found each other later in life and that things were different. So, so different.
I don’t say any of this out loud, but I don’t need to. Asher has become exceptional at reading me, and he sees every pain-filled wish as it crosses my face.
“Do you know why I've resisted sleeping with you?" His question hangs in the air, his gaze searching mine.
I shake my head, lost for words.
He sighs, his eyes flitting between mine. "Initially, I wanted to take things slow, to savour every moment with you."
"And now?"
His eyes lock onto mine, unwavering. "Now, I'm not sure how I’m supposed to be with you in that way and then just walk away. You've become this... addiction. I know when I cross that line with you, when I have you, I won’t be able to come back from it. I won’t be able to deny myself. I won’t be able to hold back, and it’s going to wreck me to leave you, Lilah. It’s going to shatter me.”
He’s. Killing. Me.