I Love You, My Neighbour: Chapter 31
Case of the dreaded ex-boyfriend
Kristy
Logan skilfully twirls me out before reeling me back into his arms. As he does so, I can't shake the stark contrast between tonight and the last time I was at Shark Bait with him, two months prior. Tonight, I am the sole focus of Logan's attention on the dance floor. Clad in my short, sparkling dress of blue and purple, I exude a newfound self-assuredness. My skin boasts a sun-kissed glow, and my body feels more toned from the hours spent outdoors - running, rock climbing, and matching Logan's active pace. Despite shedding a mere seven kilos since adopting Cricket, I am content with my body in a way I haven't been for some time.
Logan's proprietorial hold and the fiery gaze he fixes on me further fuel my self-esteem. His eyes stay trained on me, not wandering even when other women attempt to draw his attention.
The night is themed around Latin music, filling the room with sultry rhythms that guide the movements of the crowd. Our close-knit group has shown up in full force: Jess, Alfie, Jamie and Gemma, Kyle, and Adam. I had hoped this outing would provide an opportunity for Jess and Adam to move past the tension that's been palpable between them ever since they first crossed paths. However, they continue to deliberately avoid each other, creating an odd dynamic. Adam and Logan, who previously couldn't resist Jess's allure, are both noticeably distant.
Even though Adam and Jess's refusal to share the same space irks me, I find immense joy in exercising the dance moves Logan and I have practiced during our monthly lessons over the past four weeks.
"What's on your mind?" Logan inquires smoothly, leading me in a move that brings my back flush against his chest.
His hands glide over my body, triggering waves of desire that amplify when he turns me to face him again. He pulls me close, making my heart flutter and intensifying the ache within me. I rise onto my tiptoes to meet his lips, pouring all my pent-up feelings into the kiss - tasting him, exploring him, offering a glimpse of my longing.
When we part, he's panting slightly, his forehead resting on mine. "Can we go home? I really want to go home now."
I loop my arms around his neck. "We've only been here an hour. It wouldn't be fair to leave so soon. Plus, I'm really enjoying myself."
"I adore watching you dance, but it's driving me wild. It's almost unbearable."
A mischievous grin spreads across my face. "I can think of worse ways to be tortured."
He draws me even closer, crashing his lips onto mine in a passionate exchange that sends my heart racing and makes my toes curl inside my sparkling high heels.
As we break away from the kiss, a silent symphony of desire reverberates between us, causing my heart to quiver. I had vowed not to want more from him. I reassured him that a bond of friendship and passion was sufficient, promising myself that I'd relocate once my lease concluded, despite the growing disdain for that notion. Yet, as we remain in each other's embrace, with the world fading away until only we exist, I ponder how long I can maintain this façade that I don't yearn for a deeper relationship with him. Moreover, I can't help but wonder how he remains oblivious to my unspoken love for him.
His intense gaze and the gentle stroke of his thumb along my cheek make me question if he, in fact, is aware of my feelings. Swallowing, I tear my gaze away from his, my heart plummeting for an entirely different reason as I look past him.
The more time I spend around Jess and Alfie, the more I perceive a peculiar tension underlying their engagement. Jess professes her happiness about the impending marriage, yet I've never heard her utter a word about loving Alfie. Moreover, she appears unbothered by his flirtatious behaviour. Each time Logan and I join the couple, Alfie's eyes wander, charming any woman who crosses his path. Jess assures me that it's just his friendly nature, seemingly unfazed by it. However, I can't help but speculate whether her indifference signifies something more profound than mere security in their relationship. She doesn't appear passionate about Alfie, and I know what passion looks like, what love feels like - I'm living it, its intensity enveloping me at this very moment.
Noticing my distraction, Logan follows my gaze over his shoulder.
"I can't spot Jess," I admit.
"Neither can I."
We both observe Alfie dancing closely with a woman, his hands roaming her hips. If I witnessed Logan in such a situation, I'd be livid. Yet, Jess is nowhere in sight. Could she be standing in the shadows, her heart breaking into fragments as reality dismantles her dreams? I find myself questioning the viability of their wedding. Can Jess truly envision a future with a man who conducts himself in this manner, especially as an engaged man? Regardless of the liberty she's willing to grant him, I find Alfie's behaviour objectionable.
"Logan, I need to find her," I decide.
"Do you want me to come with you?"
I chew on my lip, torn between desiring his company to ward off potential female attention and recognizing my duty to support my friend, should she wish to confide in me. That necessitates offering her my full attention. Moreover, despite my lingering unease when Logan and Jess are together, he has always been unwavering in his attention towards me, giving me no reason to doubt his intentions.
"I think it's best if I search alone, just in case she's up for some girl talk."
"Alright," Logan concedes, planting a soft kiss on my lips. "Just make sure you come back soon."
I nod in agreement before departing, commencing my search for Jess. After an initial fruitless sweep of the club, I venture into the restroom, calling out her name.
Only silence responds.
Exiting the bathroom, I gear up to check the bar – my last resort – when suddenly, a hand latches onto my arm, bringing me to a halt.
"Kristy? Is that you?" Marc's gaze wanders down to my shoes and retraces its path back up. "You look great, Kris," he compliments.
Seeing my ex-boyfriend, I can't echo his sentiment. His short brown hair is still slicked into thick spikes, and his deep blue eyes remain the same. However, in every other aspect, he's changed drastically. He's noticeably heavier now, especially around the midsection. I recall our frequent disputes over his excessive drinking, how I despised his tendency to overindulge every time we went out. He'd become unruly, never abusive, but argumentative, flirtatious with other women, and unashamedly immature.
Apart from his now prominent beer belly, his hairline has begun to recede, and age has etched a few wrinkles around his eyes and mouth. Contrary to some men who age gracefully, he seems to be devolving.
Despite the stark contrast in our appearances, his smug expression suggests he perceives a spark of interest in my eyes. Clasping a beer in one hand, his eyes wear that glazed look, a tell-tale sign of one too many drinks. This must be fuelling his misguided interpretation of my gaze as attraction.
"How about a dance, Kris?" he proposes, edging closer and draping an arm around my waist.
"No, thank you, I'm here with someone."
His eyes remain fixated on my chest. "He wouldn't mind one dance, for old times' sake."
Gently prying his arm from my waist, I retort, "He might not, but I certainly would."
Marc tried making a pass at Jess last time the three of us were out together. He had crushed my heart, leaving me in pieces at the time, but now I struggle to understand what I ever saw in him. My low self-esteem back then must have blinded me to his flaws, even when he was overly touchy with every woman he encountered. He frequently flirted with Jess, but did I ever voice my concerns? No. I chose to hold my tongue, time and time again.
Could it be surprising then, that he presumed it was alright to flirt with my best friend in his drunken stupor? I allowed him to trample over my self-esteem. I was his doormat, and he was confident he could get away with it. And for the most part, he did. I was so smitten, so desperate to validate my self-worth by being with someone society considered handsome and intelligent. But he was nothing more than a facade, with a soul marred by ugliness.
"That's a shame," Marc retorts, his tone lacking genuine disappointment. "I suppose Jess is around. Maybe she would be up for a dance."
"Feel free to ask her. That's if you can find her."
Jess will reject him if he dares approach her. She had cautioned me about Marc when we first started dating. He bore the unmistakable mark of a playboy, something she despised, coupled with his overbearing belief that he was God's gift to women. According to Jess, his behaviour was a glaring warning sign, one I blatantly disregarded at the time. I naively believed that he could change—that I could be enough for him.
Red flags were fluttering during my entire relationship with him, but I chose to ignore them. I was consumed with the desire to feel wanted, to have a man validate my existence. I continued dating him, despite my unhappiness, and allowed my perceived failure to hold his attention to cloud the past two years.
A wave of realization washes over me as I understand the degree of hurt I endured because of this unworthy man.
"It was good seeing you, Marc." Enlightening, would be a more fitting description. I offer him a neutral expression. "I'll catch you around."
I watch him shrug before slinking off to find another woman to prey on. Shaking my head, I pivot and begin walking towards the last spot I saw Logan.
My body freezes, heart included, when I spot Jess—dancing with Logan. My heart resumes its rhythm, thumping with adrenaline as I watch them sway together, his hands on her, her hips perilously close to his. I can't decide if I want to throw up or faint from my heart's frantic beating. A sense of betrayal jabs at my chest, constricting my lungs, and snatching my breath away.
Adding to my feelings of betrayal is the bitter acknowledgment that they look incredibly good together. They could be the poster couple for a cologne ad, such is their stunning beauty. Jess's long, wavy blonde hair cascades down her back, her short silver dress designed to tantalize any man, and her towering silver stilettos that bring her tantalizingly close to his lips. Logan, with his sculpted body, striking face, kissable lips, tousled blond hair, and the shadow of a beard adorning his handsome face… they seem destined for each other. They pair up in a way that we never could.
The thought pierces my heart as Logan glances over Jess's shoulder, his gaze meeting mine. His smile swiftly morphs into a frown as he registers my distraught expression.
He gestures for me to join them, his countenance betraying no guilt, his calm gaze locked onto mine as I approach.
"Kristy!" Jess releases Logan as soon as she sees me. "Logan said you were searching for me. I apologize, I was ensnared in a dance with some boor who couldn't maintain respectable boundaries. I asked Logan to dance with me as a deterrent. I hope you don't mind."
I turn to Logan, and he shrugs nonchalantly.
And in that moment, I realize it indeed means nothing to Logan. Although he was dancing with my stunningly beautiful best friend, it signified nothing to him. He didn't attempt to hold onto her when she stepped away. He wasn't pressing against her like he was pressed against me during our first dance together two months ago. Logan appears unaffected by her allure. Each time I anticipate seeing him flirt with Jess or ogle her like an irresistible temptation, he refrains. That longing gaze seems to be exclusively reserved for me.
“It’s fine,” I assure her, placing a comforting hand on her arm. “But are you okay? I noticed Alfie dancing quite intimately with someone else.”
Jess nonchalantly shrugs. "Easy come, easy go. He's free to do as he pleases."
"But…but Jess, you're engaged!" I blurt out.
“Don’t stress, K,” she replies with a tinge of sadness. "Things with Alfie... they're over, and I've accepted it. We never had what you two share."
My gaze flits between hers and Logan's, his eyes blazing with an intensity that steals my breath. I'm not certain what we share, but I know it's something meaningful. What I don't know is whether Logan acknowledges this, whether he ever will, or if he can ever love someone the way he loved his ex-fiancée—and if that someone could possibly be me.
"I don't understand, Jess. He accompanied you to Australia. I thought you two were on the path to marriage. I believed this was real for you."
"Things with Alfie are convoluted, and it was misguided to think we could mend our issues. I'll fill you in later. Right now, I just want to immerse myself in the dance, to liberate myself."
She winks at me before sauntering off.
As soon as she's out of sight, Logan wraps his arms around me and draws me close.
“You okay?” Logan inquires as we resume our dance.
I look up at him and nod slowly. “I’m okay.”
“I was afraid you might have my head there for a moment,” he jests.
“I…I was taken aback to see you dancing with Jess,” I confess, shutting my eyes in embarrassment. “After everything that's happened in the past, I fell prey to some doubts.”
“Kristy,” he implores, gently lifting my chin to meet his gaze. “You must know there’s nothing between Jess and me. I hold no interest in her, my interest lies solely with you.” He grins at me, a soft curve of his lips. “Haven't you figured that yet?”
His message is beginning to resonate. Regardless of the nature of our relationship – him and me – he showers me with his undivided attention, his affection, his kisses. Unlike Marc, Logan never flirts with other women or behaves dismissively. He is the antithesis of my ex. He is admirable, accompanying me to dances, walking with Cricket and me consistently, investing time with Jess and Alfie even though his distaste for Alfie mirrors mine. He appreciates when I mingle with his friends, and always encourages me to engage in activities with the quartet. We share a bond of friendship. We share a passionate connection. And even if his heart doesn't echo my love, he exhibits profound care for me.
Yet, where has the confident woman from earlier this evening vanished? Despite Logan never inciting insecurity regarding him and Jess, I revert to my older, more vulnerable self in an instant. My actions are dictated by insecurities and fears that should no longer find a home in me – especially when those who originally sparked these doubts never warranted my trust the way Logan does.
“I’m sorry. You’ve never given me any cause for concern.”
“And I never will,” he vows, a statement so sincere it causes my heart to flutter.
My arms snake around his neck, my fingers entwining in the slightly lengthy hair at his nape, before pulling his mouth towards mine.
His kiss is tender and gentle, yet the smouldering heat and promise behind each stroke of his tongue leave me trembling, clinging onto him for support.
When he eventually withdraws and gazes down at me, the look in his eyes causes my heart to swell with affection. He is so incredible, so remarkable. And I am so grateful he purchased the house next door, exasperated me, and eventually evolved into my confidant and lover.
Suddenly, the words clambering up my throat break free. “Logan, I love you.”
Logan sighs, resting his forehead against mine. “I know, babe. I know.”
My heart clenches as I realize he won't reciprocate. I didn't express my love expecting a mirrored declaration. Truly. But now that it's been voiced, I feel so vulnerable, so exposed, that all I crave is concealment. I've given him all of me, and even though he isn't rejecting me—even though he looks at me as if I matter to him—acknowledging yet again that his feelings don't align with mine prompts a desire to retreat.
“How long have you known?” I manage to whisper.
“Been a while. I’m falling for you,” he confesses. “I haven’t quite plumbed the depths yet, but I don’t doubt that I will.”
I nod, understanding he is asking for more time. That's something I can offer. He's falling for me. I never dreamt I would hear those words from him, but he's just voiced them. Perhaps there is hope for me yet. If he is indeed falling for me, if he's beginning to love me, then there might be a possibility for a future together.
A flood of questions rush into my mind– can he envision me in his future as clearly as I can see him in mine? Would he ever consider marriage again? But I suppress these doubts. Logan desires to take things at a slow pace. Despite my discomfiture at being the one at risk – the one with their heart laid bare, I won't turn away from this. I simply can't, even if I wanted to. Logan has progressed this far. We both have. I need to quit thinking about the future and focus on the present. And in this moment, there's no other place I'd prefer to be than here with him.
He pulls back, a look of explanation etching onto his face. I shake my head and place my finger against his lips to silence him.
“I love you. Whatever happens between us from here on out happens. I don’t…I didn’t 'expect' anything from you when I expressed it. I simply wanted you to be aware.”
“You’re incredible. And beautiful. You mean the world to me.”
I reciprocate his words from earlier, grinning. “I know.”
His mirrored grin propels my heart to new heights. I'm in love with him, and he's falling for me. Jess is right, I realize as Logan draws me close, sealing our conversation with a passionate kiss. Logan and I, we share something special.
This is where My Enemy Next starts.