Kiss Me, Break My Heart: Episode 7

I can't be jealous, can I?

Jace

“I wonder what’s holding Cassie up.”

Logan’s gaze holds steady on mine, and I shrug before sliding my phone from my back pocket. I check for messages before putting it away again when I see there’s nothing from Cassie. There’s only so many times I can message her without coming across as clingy. I’d rather cut my arm off than act like a needy boyfriend, especially since she has one of those now.

“Maybe Thom's hairstyling is holding them up,” Declan says, causing Logan to chuckle.

I shake my head and take a swig from my beer, swallowing the arseholish comments about Thom that are sitting on the tip of my tongue. The guys have given me a hard time over my dislike of Cassie’s new boyfriend, and I don’t need to give them any more fuel for their arguments.

“Does anyone need another?”

When my gaze floats down to the bottle of Midori and lemonade in Holly’s hands, I see it’s empty. Am I a shitty date for not noticing before now? It’s only been a year and a bit since I was last in a relationship, but I feel out of practice. Dating nowadays feels like being in a foreign country, one where I don’t know the language.

It was never like that with Eve. I knew her so well and we were such good friends before we dated that I never had to wonder how to act around her or what she wanted. And before that, I was just a horny teenager with sex on the brain. I dated a lot, but nothing serious.

And part of me wonders whether hanging out with Cassie since she moved home has spoiled me too. Being friends for so long means I don’t worry about working out what she wants; I just know.

Making a move to reach for Holly’s empty bottle, I offer, “I’ll grab it.”

She shoots me a bright smile. “No need. I think I see someone I know, so I was going for a walk anyway. You want anything while I’m up?”

I hold up my half full bottle. “I’m good, thanks.”

Holly looks at the others sitting around the bonfire. “Anyone else?”

There are at least fifty people in our yard, celebrating Logan’s birthday, and a lot of Logan’s mates brought partners. So, it isn’t surprising Holly might have recognised someone. As she walks off, I force myself to check out her arse in the tight jeans she’s wearing. The view is good, but it doesn’t heat my blood the way I know it should.

Logan and Declan are watching me when I turn my attention back to them. “What is it?”

Declan shakes his head. “Nothing.”

Logan raises a shoulder in a half shrug and drinks from his beer when I look at him to fill me in. Useless. The two of them have a lot of opinions they’re happy to share until I want them to say what’s on their mind, and then they decide they want to keep their traps shut.

“Cassie is here,” Declan announces.

“Finally,” I mutter, my gaze cutting straight through the crowd, to the back gate that has just opened.

My mouth feels dry, as if I’ve been hoovering the desert with it when I see Cassie walk in wearing a short, sparkly silver dress that hugs every curve of her body. The dress pushes up her breasts and makes her tanned and toned legs look a mile long. Instead of wearing high heels, she’s wearing a pair of sparkly silver sneakers I swear only my best friend can make look formal.

“Wow,” Declan says, echoing my thoughts.

Cassie waves at a few of the people standing in a group near the back gate before she spots us sitting around the fire and heads in our direction.

“Hey!” She leans over the back of Logan’s chair to give him a kiss on the cheek and a hug from behind. “How’s the birthday boy?”

Standing up, Logan squeezes between two chairs to hug her properly. “Better now that you’re here. You look hot as fuck, babe.”

Logan isn’t wrong. Cassie was always a pretty girl, but as a woman, she’s stunning. The hair she used to wear shoulder length in high school now hangs nearly to her waist, and instead of being dark brown, it’s full of highlights that make her look as if she spends all day, every day, in the sun. Usually, she keeps her makeup to a minimum, preferring the natural look, but she’s gone all out this evening. She looks like she belongs on the cover of Sports Illustrated.

Nearly eight years ago, I sat outside her window on the night of Eve’s eighteenth, listening to Cassie tell her mum she didn’t compare to Eve. Now, there’s no evidence of the girl who inadvertently revealed her insecurities through that open window. Cassie is a seductive mix of competent woman, tomboy and beautiful female. Every guy at the party, my mates included, is admiring her, and the stupid pride I feel that she’s ours is ridiculous. Well, not ours or mine, but-

“Hey, Jace, good to see you.”

I force a smile that hopefully doesn’t look like a scowl as Thom thrusts his hand forward.

Fucking Thom.

Reluctantly, I shake his hand. Declan and Logan seem to think my feelings about the guy are irrational. Not for the first time, I wonder if I’m jealous of the preppy journo. I can’t be, can I? I’m just scared of losing Cassie again. To get over Eve and me dating, she moved to Queensland and lived there for years. Now that she’s finally back, and we’ve mended our friendship, I’m not keen to see some rando take up all her time. That’s all.

If I was convinced Thom would make Cassie happy, that would be a different story, but I know my best friend, and he’s not the right guy for her.

Not that I know what her type is. She never really dated anyone in high school, and I’ve never seen her with a boyfriend before.

You’re her type. She never dated because she liked you. My conscience supplies unhelpfully.

Maybe I used to be her type, but I’m not anymore. Cassie’s feelings for me are a thing of the past.

Finally, now that my mates have let her go, Cassie throws herself at me, and I catch her easily. Hugging her, I inhale her perfume and the smell of her shampoo, a mix called Passion Berries. I showered at her place once and could not resist reading the label on the back of the bottle. Vanilla, passionfruit, and wild berries were among the ingredients I remember. It’s a mouth-watering combination, but the urge to flick my tongue across the pulse in her neck still takes me by surprise.

Admittedly, this is not the first time I’ve had to resist a ridiculous impulse around Cassie, but I’ve never been this close to messing everything up and acting on it. I’m fighting my baser need to find out if she tastes as good as she smells. A fight made tougher by the awareness of her soft breasts pushing against my chest. And when she drops her head and presses her nose into my shirt and breathes me in, my whole body tightens, my blood rushing south, filling my groin with heat. The sudden need to have her spread under me steals the breath from my lungs and makes me ache for her in a way I can never have her.

Cassie looks up at me, and my gaze falls upon her glossy mouth. Her pink tongue darts out, sliding across her luscious bottom lip in a move I’m sure isn’t an invitation. Despite that fact, my body tightens even further. My pulse throbs heavy and thick between my legs as I imagine her tongue stroking mine while I bury myself to the hilt inside her.

Quickly, I let her go. When she looks at me, her eyes appear larger and darker in the firelight. Then Cassie blinks and offers me a calm smile. I must have imagined the moment between us just now.

Discreetly, I adjust myself and sit down, reminding myself I can’t have these reactions to my best friend.

By Tobias Rademacher on Unsplash

Thom appears behind Cassie and his arm moves around Cassie’s waist possessively. For a split second, I imagine tearing it from his body and beating him bloody with it.

“Is Holly here?” Cassie asks, her gaze bouncing around the party before coming back to rest on me.

“She saw someone she knows. She’ll be back soon.”

Cassie nods and smiles, but her smile is a little dimmer, not really reaching her eyes. Cassie gets along with everybody and has tried to draw my new girlfriend into conversations and get to know her. Both women try hard, but they have little in common. Holly is a girly-girl, and while Cassie likes girly-girls—Eve was a girly-girl, after all—Cassie prefers talking about sport, business, and writing. Things Holly has no interest in.

“Go sit with your friends, babe,” Thom tells her, giving her a squeeze. “I’ll get you a drink.”

Logan claps Thom on the back. “C’mon, I’ll show you where the drinks are.”

Before Thom leaves, he dips his head and kisses Cassie. I look away as my stomach twists. And when I look back and see Cassie’s contented smile, the beer I’ve been drinking sours in my stomach.

With a sigh, Cassie plops down in the chair beside me, the one Holly vacated earlier.

“What’s wrong?” she asks with no preamble or bullshit.

I don’t know if Declan hears Cassie ask, but I see his gaze flicker over us before he resumes talking to the dude next to him. Some guy Logan knows from work.

“Nothing,” I say, picking up the beer bottle I put on the ground when I saw Cassie come in, taking a swig.

“Oh my god, you just lied to me.”

My gut is still twisted in knots, but I can’t help but grin as I turn to face my best friend more fully. “How do you know?”

She gives me a small smile. God, she’s so beautiful, so stunningly beautiful, that looking at her hurts like a physical ache in my chest. Why do I have to notice now, when I know we can never be more than friends? When I know just how much I will lose if I’m ever stupid enough to put my dick before friendship, like I did with Eve.

I lost Cassie once, and I refuse to again. For the sake of our friendship and the business we’ll one day co-own, I can let anything come between us. Meaning, there’s zero reason for me to spend even a moment thinking that maybe I got it wrong; maybe I never should have dated Eve because I would have been happier—happiest—with Cassie.

“C’mon, Jace. How long have I known you? I know your tells.” A small frown tugs her brows down. “But you rarely set out to deceive anyone. What gives?”

What am I supposed to say?:

“I finally see you the way you wished I did when we were teenagers. How different would things be now if you and me were the ones who dated instead of me and Eve? I hate that. I’ll never know because I can’t risk losing you the same way I lost Eve. You’re my best friend and my future business partner, and there is no future for us other than friendship. But it’s becoming an effort to remind myself you’re off limits.”

“Jace,” she prompts.

“Just. Promise me we’ll never grow apart again,” I scrape out.

The thought of any distance between us again makes my lungs tight. Raw emotion clogs my throat. I will do anything to avoid screwing up our friendship, which probably means accepting her relationship with Thom, even if I think he’s the wrong man for her.

Her eyes soften, making my heart knock harder against my ribs. She used to look at me like that all the time when we were younger. Back then I took that softness and affection for granted, took her friendship for granted. I don’t anymore; I never will again.

She holds my gaze, resolute. “I promise.”

“Come ‘ere then.”

I wrap an arm around her when she shuffles her chair closer to mine, hugging her to me. She feels so good, so right, pressed against my side, her head resting against me. It isn’t until Declan raises an eyebrow at me, that I force myself to remove my arm, feeling cold and miserable the moment I lose that contact.

“Nothing will come between us again, right?” I ask, not willing to let this moment go completely.

“Never.”

Every part of me wants to reach out for her again so I can pull her back to me. But I can’t do that because Thom is back with drinks, and he’s brought Holly with him. Cassie jumps up to give Holly a hug and kiss, offering her the seat she was just in. I don’t want Cassie to move, but Holly is already taking her place beside me. My moment with Cassie is well and truly over.

“Fire’s dying,” Logan announces, throwing another log on the fire and sending sparks soaring into the night sky.

I have just enough time to see Thom pull Cassie into his lap a couple of seats down from me before the smoke changes direction, coming at Holly and me.

Once the smoke eases, and the thick smoke stops stinging my eyes, Holly shifts closer to me in her chair. I wrap an arm around her, ignoring the way my brain compares her to Cassie. Holly’s delicate features and cherry-red hair make her a knockout. She’s beautiful and smart, and nice. But maybe Holly isn’t the right woman for me, if my reaction to Cassie is anything to go by, which means I need to end things between us. Stringing her along isn’t fair.

Something that becomes clearer still when Holly tilts her head up and presses her lips to mine, and I feel nothing until I imagine that those lips belong to Cassie.