Kiss Me, Break My Heart: Episode 8
My Best Friend, Nothing More
Cassie
Eve raises her wine glass. “Cheers.”
I raise mine and tip it in her direction. “Happy Hump Day.”
We switched our weekly chat from Sunday to Wednesday a while ago to accommodate Eve’s Sunday night dinners with her boyfriend’s family.
“I can’t wait for the day we can do this in person instead of over WhatsApp.”
“Me, too.”
It's not a lie when I wish for it to be the truth, is it? When I want it to be the truth? Maybe if I tell myself enough—if I keep repeating the words—it’ll be true when she finally does come home. She's my best friend, just like Jace is, and I should want her here.
“I could really use a few drinks with you here in person,” Eve says, glancing down, her smile a bit wobbly.
“Why, what’s going on?”
Eve sighs. “I broke up with Sam.”
I sit up straighter, paying closer attention to my friend. “What? Why? What happened?”
“He just said it wasn’t working and we should end it.”
“Oh, hon, I’m sorry.”
“That’s the thing,” Eve continues quickly. “I should be upset, right?”
“You’re not?”
“No, and I think that worries me more than the breakup itself.”
Confusion furrows my brows. “Why?”
“Because I should be upset. I should be devastated, but I almost feel relieved instead.”
“You weren’t in love with him,” I say, less as a question and more as a statement.
“I thought I was, but maybe I just wanted to be.” She sighs. “I’m worried that I haven’t really been in love with anyone since Jace.”
I swallow hard, my stomach sinking like a stone. Jace proves to be the impossible man to get over—I know that firsthand. So, I have no idea how to respond to my friend. When she moved on and began dating, Jace went on his own dating spree. Then, around half a year ago, he settled down a bit and stopped the merry-go-round because he knew he wasn’t in love with anyone the same way he’d been in love with Eve.
“He’s the man you were going to marry, and you were together for years,” I remind her. “It makes sense you’re finding it tough.”
Maybe she’ll never get over him, just as I’ve never been able to. After years away from Jace in Queensland, I thought I was over him. But now I know what I didn’t then: I’d just suppressed my feelings and embraced denial. Worse still, I believed that by focusing on our friendship and the business, I could maintain the upper hand over the love I’ve had for Jace since I was ten.
I did everything I could to move on, even dating Thom. But some feelings won’t stay suppressed, no matter how much you try. Sometimes, as much as denial feels like the best and only option, it refuses to cooperate.
The truth is, if I’m brutally honest with myself, I never fell out of love with Jace. Meanwhile, he’s never fallen out of love with Eve. And so here we are again: me quietly pining for Jace, while Jace and Eve love each other from afar. It’s enough to make me question every one of my life decisions while simultaneously wanting to bang my head against a wall in hopes of curing my heart of its agonizing devotion to the one man I can never be with.
Ignoring the pinching sensation in my chest, I ask, “Are you thinking about coming home?”
As horrible as it is, my stomach drops, and nausea rolls through me.
Eve appears to consider her answer. “I’m not ready to come home quite yet. I still have things I need to do.”
It’s absurd, the wave of relief that washes over me when her words hit. Eve will come home sometime, and it may as well be sooner rather than later. I do miss her, and I’d be excited to see her. But I’m aware that, unlike last time, I can’t leave and escape to Queensland with a clear conscience—not unless I plan on walking out on a business my father helped build, one I promised Jace I’d stick around and help run.
I need to be mentally prepared for when Eve does come home. The pain I know I’ll feel when she and Jace rekindle their relationship is the reason I’m holding off on Dad’s offer (and request) to buy out his share. It’s a procrastination that’s starting to cause tension between Jace and me.
“Well, I can’t wait for you to come home,” I reiterate, trying not to wince at the lie.
“I can’t wait to have wine catch-ups and girls’ nights on the regular with you,” she says, adding to my growing guilt. “Anyway, enough about me. How are you and Thom doing?”
My throat tightens. “Actually, we broke up.”
“You’re kidding? When?”
“A few days back.”
Eve is silent, and I wonder if she’s thinking about the fact that I didn’t call her right away. “I haven’t told anyone yet,” I say before she can mention it.
It’s part of the reason I’m dreading seeing the guys tomorrow night. To say that Jace and Thom didn’t really get along is an understatement. I know Jace won’t be sorry to miss out on Thom’s company, but he’ll be worried about me. For me.
“Are you okay?” Eve asks.
“Yes, I’m a bit shaken up, but I’m hanging in there.”
Another lie. It was a relief when Thom suggested we end things because he was more invested in our relationship than I was, always talking about the future. I just wasn’t in love with him. Eve and I have that in common when it comes to our breakups. The fact that Jace is the reason for both of us, however, means I can never tell her—especially when I told her outright that I would never date Jace. Hoes before bros. Sisters before misters. I have no right to feel the way I do, not in her eyes, and not in mine either.
“Well, maybe you’ll find a hot new guy at the bar tomorrow night,” she says hopefully.
“Yeah, maybe.”
The conversation shifts to work for both of us, and before long, we’ve been talking for a couple of hours.
“I should let you go,” Eve says when she sees me yawn. “Speak soon?”
“Totally. Bye, hon.”
As I hang up, guilt threatens to swallow me, and I sink down in my seat. I’ve been living with it for so long, I should be used to it by now, but it sits heavier with me today than usual. I love Eve, and I miss her, but talking to her always reminds me of two things: One, Jace loved her first, and because of that, he will never be mine. And two, Eve will come home, and when she does, she and Jace will get back together, leaving me to live with the agony and heartache of loving him and watching him be with the love of his life.
Jace
“Ah, we have a serious problem,” Logan says, nodding toward the bar.
Declan leans forward in his chair, his jaw tightening as his hands clench around his beer. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
I turn around to look toward the bar and see Thom leaning over some woman, being a full-on sleazebag as if Cassie doesn’t exist at all.
The sight knocks the wind out of me while simultaneously turning my blood to a boil. “What the fuck?”
“Jackass,” Logan spits.
Propelled by the rage spinning a sledgehammer through my gut, I stand up. For Cassie’s sake, I’ve kept my mouth shut and made nice. But he knows we’re here. If he thinks I’m just going to sit here and—
“Oh shit, Cassie’s arrived,” Declan interrupts.
He’s right. Cassie has just walked through the door of the bar.
Before I can decide whether I should try to snag her attention before Thom does, Cassie spots Thom and the woman he’s chatting up. Instead of telling the loser off and slapping him, or hitting him like he deserves, she forces a polite smile and gives him a half-hearted wave. He has the gall to wave back at her before returning his attention to the woman he was hitting on.
The guys and I share a look of confusion before turning back to Cassie to see her reaction. When she uses the same forced smile on us that she shared with that idiot a moment ago, I know something is wrong.
As soon as she’s within reach, I pull her into my arms and hold her as if she’ll fall apart if I don’t. After a tense moment, she sighs and softens against me. My body relaxes slightly as she lets me hold her. I breathe in the scent of her light floral perfume, comforting myself with the knowledge that she’s here, I’m with her, and she seems to be okay. Even if her dickhead boyfriend is… well, I don’t even know what he’s thinking.
“You want to tell us why you were okay with that jackass back there being all over another woman, Cassie?” Declan asks once I let her go.
"Thom and I broke up."
The guys and I stare at her, waiting for more information. Logan breaks the silence first since Cassie isn’t offering anything. "Who dumped who?"
Declan shoulders Logan. “What this insensitive lug is trying to ask is: are you okay, or do we need to crack some skulls?”
Cassie smiles, and for the first time tonight, her smile is genuine. “Thanks, guys, I’m okay. No skull-crushing needed.”
I want to repeat Logan's question about who initiated the breakup, but I fight the urge because she specifically hasn’t offered the information, which leads me to think that Thom is the one responsible. Stupid idiot. I can’t imagine anyone in their right mind breaking up with Cassie. She’s probably trying to save face and avoid us marching over there and removing Thom from the bar, which I would only be too happy to do. My knuckles itch with the desire to make contact with his smug face.
Admittedly, this isn’t the first time I’ve had the instinct, but it’s the first time I’ve worried I might actually follow through. To avoid giving in to the desire, I sit back down in my chair, ensuring I’m on top of my hands so I don’t follow through with the overwhelming urge.
I spend the next couple of minutes trying to assess how well Cassie’s coping with the breakup. She doesn’t look back at Thom, and she doesn’t seem overly upset, so that’s something, but it can be hard to tell with Cassie. Sometimes she locks down her feelings, walling them off so that no one can read her. Worryingly, she could be heartbroken, and we’d have no clue.
I’m not sure she was this closed off before she went to Queensland.
“You need a drink,” Logan points out to Cassie with a frown.
Declan, Logan, and I all stand up, ready to rectify this problem now that we’re focused on the lack of alcohol and not on Thom.
Cassie, however, rises to her feet. “Sit down, men, it’s my shout.” She waves away our complaints and backs it up with a firm look at each of us, brooking no arguments.
After taking our reluctant drink orders, the three of us watch her leave. I’m sure my frown mirrors Declan and Logan’s expressions.
“Cassie’s handling the breakup well,” Declan says, still looking concerned as he follows Cassie with his eyes.
“It seems like she’s okay,” I say slowly, not trusting my perceptions.
“She’s not looking back at the asshole, and she didn’t flinch when she saw him flirting with that chick,” Declan adds.
“You, on the other hand,” Logan says, looking at me. “You look like you still want to smash Thom’s face in.”
“Don’t you?”
“Yeah, but I’m still worried you’re thinking about going over there and acquainting his head with the bar.”
“Our Jace never liked Thom,” Declan reminds him.
“None of us did,” I point out.
“He was okay,” Logan says.
When I glare at Logan, my mate just shrugs. “Yeah, he was a bit of a wanker, but he was harmless enough.”
“You, on the other hand…” Declan trails off. “You hated him and barely concealed it from Cassie.”
Logan shakes his head. “There was no concealment. Cassie knew.”
“What are you getting at?” I snap at the two of them.
“Nothing,” they duet.
“Bullshit. If you’ve got something to say, say it.”
Logan pushes back his chair. “I’m going to help Cassie.”
My gaze flicks between my mates, the one still at the table and the other running for cover. “Chicken shit,” I mutter. “What were you going to say?” I press Declan.
For the first time, Declan loses his assuredness and slightly smug look, instead looking more concerned than anything. “We thought, well…” He smiles sheepishly. “That you might be jealous.”
His words punch me in the gut, but I laugh it off. I stop laughing, though, when I see just how serious Declan is.
“I didn’t need to be jealous of Thom. I mean, at first, maybe I was worried because I didn’t relish spending time with the guy, or sharing Cassie with him when she’d just gotten back from Queensland after years of being gone. But Cassie never bailed on any plans or our regular hangouts. I don’t need to be jealous of some douche who clearly had no idea how awesome our girl is.”
“So, you haven’t been having feelings for Cassie?”
I snort.
Declan just stares at me.
“Cassie’s my best friend, nothing more.”
She can’t be more, no matter how beautiful she is, or how perfect for me I think she might be. No matter how much she creeps into my thoughts or my late-night fantasies. Immediately, my mind goes to the dream I had about her last night. We were in my bed. She was on top of me, and she was kissing me as if her life depended on it, and I—
“That’s not what I asked.”
“I know what you asked, but I love her as a friend, and that’s all. I would never go down that path with a friend again. Never.”
Declan shifts in his seat and shakes his head at me, indicating he thinks I’m full of shit.
“Do you really think that after what happened with Eve, I would be stupid enough to let myself feel that way about a friend again?” I ask. “I won’t be. Never, ever again. No feelings like that. And especially not with Cassie. Never with Cassie.”
She’s too important, and now that our friendship has healed, I refuse to do anything that will put it at risk again.
“And we’re back,” Logan’s voice booms as the tray of drinks lands on the table.
Too late, I realize why Declan squirmed and shook his head at me. Fuck.