Lights, Camera, Kiss Me: Episode 8
Can't Stop This
❤️Mac❤️
I close my eyes just as Ryan’s lips touch mine. His kiss starts soft and gentle, but utterly, utterly perfect. Did I expect anything less from Australia’s Romeo? Absolutely not. My toes curl, my heart lurches. Lust rips through my centre like a rocket ship taking off; the heat it generates makes me feel as if I'm about to melt into the floor.
I remove my hands from the front of his shirt so I can wind my arms around his neck and bring him closer to me. And that’s when everything changes. His kiss goes from soft and teasing to hungry and possessive in the blink of an eye. My lips part underneath his, allowing his tongue to slide along the length of mine, stoking the fire already burning low in my belly.
His hands wrap around my waist, pulling me snugly against him and I can feel the long, hard proof of his desire. Satisfaction sweeps through me as he moans and deepens the kiss even further, his mouth and tongue doing the most sinfully wicked things to me. My knees wobble underneath me—hardly surprising since my entire body feels as if it’s made of jelly.
He tears his mouth away from mine to take a breath. “I knew it would be like this.” He backs me up against my kitchen bench, then his mouth is on mine again.
I don't need to ask him what he means. It's as if he can't get enough of me. And I understand that feeling all too well. I can't get enough of him, either. I've waited a long time for this moment. But this is about more than the poster I had on my wall at fifteen. This is about more than the crush I had on Ryan before I knew him.
The man in my arms is someone I respect and admire greatly. A friend. Someone I care about deeply. Too deeply. I already know I'm dangerously close to falling in love with him. I’ve tried so hard not to make the same mistake with Ryan that I made with Danny, but it’s hopeless. I can't stop this. My head snaps back with the force of my thoughts, exposing my neck. I shiver and cling tighter to him as his lips graze the sensitive skin just under my ear before trailing them down my neck.
✯Ryan✯
Things are far too heated. I'm already too worked up. My whole body feels as if it's on the verge of exploding. The need to merge my body with hers is so strong I don’t know how to resist it. I've held myself back from her for so long, denying what I want—what I need, and now that she is finally in my arms, I have no control left to stop what we're doing.
I feel her tremble. I taste the perfume on her neck. It's all one giant turn-on. Every resolve, every rule – every determined thought I had about resisting her is crumbling rapidly. I’ve done everything I can to avoid giving in, but the truth is that I just can’t do it any longer. I can't kiss her and touch her and not need more. If she doesn't want this then she has to be the one to stop us.
Her cheeks are rosy and her eyes are filled with lust and more than a hint of vulnerability as I pull away to look at her.
“Mac, I want you too much. I can't stop this.”
“What is this, Ryan?” she asks me huskily, uncertainty warring with the desire in her gaze. “What are we doing?”
I swallow. She has every right to ask; every right to know, but I don't know what to tell her. I have no idea what we're doing—what I'm doing.
“I don’t know, Mac. I know that I should, but I don’t. I just know that I can't seem to be around you anymore without wanting to be with you. I've tried staying away from you, but I miss you so damn much. We have these scenes coming up and…I don't know what I'm doing or what this is. I don’t know how I handle this thing between us.”
“So, is this a once-off?” she asks. “A way to let off steam before our upcoming scene this week?”
She makes it sound as if I want to use her, but I don't. That's not what this is. Okay, I don't know what this is, but it's definitely not that. She's not a quick screw. Mac obviously needs me to put a name to what we're doing, and I can appreciate that. After what happened between her and Westlaker, it's probably the sensible thing to do.
“I’m trying to stop you from making the same mistakes with Brad that you made with Danny.”
“That’s very noble of you, but Brad’s not the one I’m likely to make the same mistake with.”
Guilt claws at me. I know that sleeping with her won’t have a good outcome, but I’m just not strong enough to stop this anymore. I've tried. Over and over again, I've tried. We both have. I’ve reached my limit.
“This isn’t a once-off,” I tell her. “I don’t want it to be a once-off. If you want to call it something, then call it a casual relationship.”
I wish I could tell Mac that this is more – that this thing between us is special, but I won't. I want her. I care about her very much, but whatever we start will be casual, just like every other relationship I’ve had.
"I shouldn't feel the way that I feel about you."
I try to push the gnawing doubts aside as I remember Mac’s drunken confession. I'm being honest with her right now. If she agrees to go along with this, then that's her decision. She won’t agree to something if she doesn’t think she can handle it, will she?
“A casual relationship?” she repeats.
“Yes,” I tell her.
❤️Mac❤️
Wow. I know that Australia’s Romeo never sticks around for more than three months. He doesn't fall in love. He isn't interested in forever. I realize all that. But to hear him offer me his infamous Three-Month-Special has disappointment crashing through me so fast it leaves me reeling, and bitterness and sadness swirl around inside me.
At least he isn't lying to me about it, though. I suppose that's something. Danny let me believe I was special to him in some way – that there was promise to our future. Ryan isn't trying to pull a fast one on me. He isn't telling me what I want to hear so I'll go to bed with him. His honesty doesn't make me feel any better, but it does make it impossible for me to lie to myself about what's happening here.
“I mean, if you want that too,” he says to me.
I don't want that. I should walk away from this. But how much longer can I fight this for if I do? One week? Maybe two if I’m lucky? It's been an uphill battle resisting him from the start.
Perhaps sleeping together has been on the cards since day one because I am both weak and foolish when it comes to my leading men, but I can't do a fling with him. If I agree, I would be looking around the corner all the time waiting for the moment he decides he's had enough; that he's walking away – that he's bored with me. It would tear me apart.
A once-off is something I would very rarely consider. Even a moment ago it seemed like the worst idea, but that was before he suggested a fling. I already know I'm going to sleep with him. That seems inevitable right now. However, if I have a choice between a once-off and a fling, I have to choose the option less likely to break my heart, don't I?
“No,” I say to him. “We do this once, and once only.”
Having sex with him once won't shatter me the way a casual relationship will when he ends it. Well, that's what I'm choosing to believe right now. It's my only hope of walking away from this thing between us without my heart being obliterated.
“Once?” he questions me.
“Once,” I confirm. “You can’t fight this anymore and neither can I. But I don’t want to go down the same path that I went down with Danny. So…I think we should just do it. Then maybe we can move past this.”
“Move past this?” he repeats.
“Go back to being friends and co-workers. Maybe it will be easier to do that after we…you know.”
✯Ryan✯
She’s crazy. I’m sure of it. There is no way that having sex once is going to be good for us. What will a once-off do to our friendship and our working relationship? But I can see the determination in her eyes—the resolve not to go down the same path she went down with Westlaker. How can I fault her for that? I can’t.
“I don’t think once is going to be enough,” I say.
“It has to be enough,” she says firmly.
There is a hint of desperation in her voice that I don’t like – as if sleeping together is some kind of Hail Mary pass to something I don’t completely understand. My gaze slides to the clock on her kitchen wall. Seventeen past ten. Maybe she needs more time to think this through. Hell, we could both benefit from a moment here.
“We should do this later.”
“No. Now,” Mac says and drags me down for another kiss.
“We only have thirteen minutes,” I remind her between kisses.
“Then we’ll have to be quick. I thought you said you couldn’t stop.”
I'm well aware I said that, but doing this right here and right now is going to shoot everything to hell.
“Mac…”
She starts kissing me like her life depends on it. Uncertainty makes me slow to respond, but only for a second. I can’t hold back against the onslaught of desire she evokes in me.
Mac’s hands slide down my body before slipping them under my t-shirt to touch my muscles. I harden and tense underneath her fingertips, as I pull her closer, moaning into her mouth.
“Take it off,” she demands between kisses, her hands going to the hem of my T-shirt.
I know this is wrong. So wrong. She's going to regret this. We both will. But hearing the raw need in her voice shatters the remaining vestiges of my restraint. I whip the shirt over my head, nearly losing my mind when her hands find my chest like heat-seeking missiles, roaming over my body as if she can’t get enough of me.
The wild abandon with which she's attacking me releases something hot and primal and fierce inside me. I can have her. Finally, I can have her. I don’t have to hold back a moment longer. I cup her breasts, feeling the outline of her hardened peaks beneath my thumbs. She pushes her breasts into the palms of my hands and I feel even more of my blood rush south.
I find the zip at the back of her dress, dragging it down as far as I can. She shrugs the straps off her shoulder so that her dress falls to her waist. Desire hammers me as I take in the lacy, light blue bra with a dark blue bow that she's wearing. I know with utmost certainty that her underwear will match. My heart is racing so fast, and my blood feels thick and hot as I undo the catch on her bra. She lets it slip off her arms.
“Ryan,” she cries as I take one of her ripe peaks into my mouth.
I circle it with my tongue and tug on it gently. She moves her hips against my throbbing erection, just about killing me with the sensations that it causes. My hands skim down her sides and disappear under her dress. I groan when she spreads her legs for me; a shameless suggestion that I should touch her. I've never seen her like this before – so uninhibited and free. She wants me and she isn't afraid to show it. I've never been more turned on in my life.
I run a finger over her through her underwear, my body literally jerking with the need to be inside her when I realize just how ready she already is for me. I run my finger over her again, and she moans again more loudly and spreads her legs even further apart.
“Yes,” she says to me as I slide her underwear over her hips and they drop to the floor.
She closes her eyes as I touch her where she wants me to. Her hands grip the bench behind her as I slip my thumb back and forth over the bundle of nerve endings between her legs; all the while my mouth and tongue continue to lavish attention on her breasts. I feel the tension mounting inside her as I continue caressing her; and when she shouts out in pleasure, I look up. Her eyes are closed. Her head is thrown back. Her chest is rising and falling rapidly, and her whole body is shaking. With her breasts exposed and her dress still around her hips, she is a vision. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful. I’ve never wanted anyone so much. I am so achingly hard I can’t wait another minute to be with her.
“You’re so beautiful, Mac.”
When Mac opens her eyes, I haul her to me and kiss her hungrily.
“Condoms,” she says against my mouth, her hands going to the fastening of my shorts. “In the bedroom.”
I never stop kissing her as I take my wallet out of my pocket and retrieve a condom. I slap it on the bench behind her.
“Here?” she whispers.
“And now,” I tell her.
She quickly unfastens my shorts and pushes them off my hips before she frees me from the boxers I am wearing with hands that are less than steady. I feel a momentary flash of pride when she ogles my length. Her eyes are more black than blue as she strokes her hand along the length of me before gliding her thumb over my tip.
My hips jolt forward as I moan her name. She reaches behind her with her spare hand and grabs the condom I placed there a moment ago. She tears her mouth away from mine so she can concentrate on what she's doing. After ripping the foil packet, she rolls the condom down my length, my hand on top of hers, guiding her the whole way.
“I can't wait any longer, Mac," I tell her as my hands slide under her dress again and I lift her up by her hips. I position myself to take her.
“Please,” is all she says to me as she grabs my shoulders.
It's all I need to hear. My heart is like a jackhammer as I thrust forward, joining us together. I hear her cry out at the intrusion. I feel her fingernails dig into the skin of my shoulders, but I barely register either incident. All I can focus on is how good it feels to be surrounded by her tight wet heat. I've never felt more complete, more whole, more alive than I do right now.
Her eyes, which closed as I filled her, now open and latch onto mine, creating a connection that feels far too intense. God, we shouldn’t be doing this. We’re friends. We care about each other. We work together. This isn’t some random hook-up or some girl who wants a shot at me because of who I am. This is Mac.
“Ryan,” she whispers softly, clutching at my shoulders.
But it’s too late to stop this now, and I don’t want to stop this – I can’t stop this. I’ve never felt this good before.
She does her best to rock her hips, obviously ready for me to start moving. I lean in and kiss her; sweeping my tongue along hers as I start to move, which only serves to intensify everything I’m already feeling. Every stroke of my body into hers, every small whimper and moan she makes into my mouth, every pleasurable sensation that steals through me tells me that this is something bigger than I’ve ever experienced before.
And when I feel her body find its release around mine, and my name tumbles from her lips, my whole world shakes as I go over the edge with her.